Dd rejecting her dad, not sure why

[ifaistos]

Dd is 2.8mo, has always clung strongly to me, she bf for 14months, I have to put her to bed (unless I'm out in which case she'll accept someone else) and she'll always cry out for me if she wakes up in the night.

My husband and I have always spend equal amounts of time with her, him possibly even a bit more than me. But for the past year she's refused to let him comfort her and will tell him to go away or say, I don't want you, or I don't like daddy. When she comes into our bed in the morning, she'll try and push him out. She won't let him kiss her goodnight. And so on.

I think it may be more of a message to me than to him. Like she's demanding that I do more with her by pushing him away, if that makes sense. Or she's jealously guarding our relationship and sees him as interfering in that.

It's really upsetting dh to hear her say she doesn't like him and I feel for him. I can't see what he's doing wrong other than perhaps not being overly emotionally expressive with her, and am trying to think what I might be doing to make the problem worse. When I ask her why she pushes him away, she doesn't answer. Has this happened to anyone else?

My ds3 does this to me! He says 'I don't want YOU mummy - I want Daddy' when I go to him in the morning. He also won't let me take him to bed it's always Daddy. He is okay in all other areas though so I'm not too fussed.

He was ebf til 6 months, bf til almost 2 and never spent a day apart from me til 18 months or so. At first i was quite insulted but not now, gets me out of getting up in the night ha!

He is 2.8 also

I was discussing this with a group of friends all with dc's aged approx 2.5 yrs Every one of us has this happening to either us or our dh to some degree, Maybe it is just a stage although quite a difficult one especially when it's as extreme as your case.
We try not to pander to ds demands although we do sometimes give in for an easy life when he constantly demands "mummy do it" I've found that the best bet is to make myself scarce (disappear to bathroom) and then he just gets on with it with daddy.
Good luck hope it settles soon let your dh know he's not the only one this is happening to.

Thanks. It helps knowing we're not the only ones. I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't know whether to address it, ignore it, give in or force her to do stuff with dh.
And on top of that dh gets very moody too. He's convinced this lays the foundation for their future relationship and that it means she'll always prefer me to him. I disagree. Oh, and he still thinks bf has something to do with it

My 13 month old (2nd) DC always wants daddy. I BF her until last month and look after her and her older brother all day.

Im loving fun and a good all rounder but daddy does it.

If she falls she pushes me away and puts her arms out for Daddy.

She gives him big squashy hugs and never hugs me now.

When he returns home at night she will drop everything and crawl to him and won't let him put her down until bedtime. I wouldn't dare take her off him. If he needs a wee he hands her over and she screams and pushed me away.

I know Ive done nothing wrong and I know she loves me so I try not to let it bother me.

Tell your DH this and that she will probably change again when she wants to marry Daddy when she is 3! My DS on the other hand is the opposite so at least im getting hugs from him .

Ah, tis always the way it seems. DS went through exactly this at about 2.5 when he only wanted to be with me (Daddy) and definitely not Mummy. There were certain points when he was just downright unpleasant to DW for a fair portion of the time. Now completely over it of course.

And, DD who is currently 2.5 is completely the other way round, e.g. bedtime last night, me offering to take her, cue her arms flailing, hysterical screaming, "no, no, I don't like Daddy, I only like Mummy". Ditto mealtimes, bathtimes at the moment etc.

Not worth getting worried about, they'll get over it and seems like most kids go through it. Just one of their various ways of trying to exert some control on the world around them. Tell your DH he should enjoy not being the one who's being made to do things for the moment!

My DD was bf until 13 months and did this to me to the extreme. What really helped in the end was a united front. If she was horrid to me DH told her she had to be nice and apologise. We were very strict about it in the end, even when she'd just woken up or was ill. Your poor DH. It is soul destroying.

We're now back to almost 50/50 after many months.

There's a poster on here with the name 'mummydoit' and I thought "oh yes! that's how it is for me too"!
My DD went through this. And cor, you should have seen her squish in between us if me and DH ever tried to have a quick cuddle or anything.
She's 6 now. Still picks and choses according to who she thinks going to be the softest touch/give her what she wants. But she is quite the daddy's girl.
It passes.
But yes it can feel like quite a rejection. He really shouldn't get too moody about it. It's not personal and is pretty common I think. My DH won DD round when I was working sunday mornings and they had a few hours, just the 2 of them. He'd take her to soft play/swimming etc. it was a regular thing and DD looked forward to having 1 to 1 with her daddy.

I think most of them go through it at one time or another, but this has been going on for over a year and I think you need to put a stop to it as best you can.

What I would do is refuse to allow her to be nasty to him - like pushing him out of bed, tell her to stop it, it's Daddy's bed, if she doesn't want to join both of you and be nice to both of you she can go back to her own bed and put her down on the floor if she doesn't stop.

If she wont hug/kiss Daddy goodnight, tell her that you don't want to cuddle/kiss her if she wont be nice to Daddy as it makes you sad.

Be a united front, be something she can't manipulate apart.

Then also get/allow/enable DH to take her out and do something nice with her in the weekend - even if it's just a walk to the park to play on the swings - some regular 'Daddy & Me' time. If you have something nearby and can afford it a Mini Hot Chcolate & Muffin in a cafe after...

If she has a bedtime story tell her you don't have time to read one (shower, dishes some other fabrication) so it's Daddy or no story - up to her.

Smelly Cheese freak has got it right. All 3 of mine have a tendancy towards being with me- but my youngest often used to say she didn't want daddy to put her to bed, and only I could do certain things etc. and even now she will somtimes cry if daddy puts her to bed.
I don't induldge this behaviour. If its daddy's turn to put her to bed, then I send her up to daddy, if i am busy ( and like smelly says. even if I am not I pretend to be) I say I can't do something and that daddy will have to do it. I think that some children are jealous by nature and want total control, and this is another of those control areas. As it is obvious that daddy is a wonderful daddy it bothers me not one bit that she screams out for me-it's all for effect. The more we ackonwlegde it ( oh be nice to daddy, poor daddy , don't hurt his feeleing etc) the worse she became. So we don't even pass comment on it, totally ignore it. She does it much less now we don't make reference to the fact that she is being a meany!

Oh god yes, "mummy do it, mummy do it". DD (2.9 years ) is just like this with her dad. Started about 6 months ago. Luckily he's not offended (I would be!) She was bottle-fed btw! Shouts NO! at her poor gps when they try to talk to her, or god forbid, talk to me or hold her baby sister. Have tried scolding her, reasoning with her, it doesn't work. The only thing that works is for me not to be there. Then she gets on with it and bonds with her dad/gps.