Parents of babies/pre-schoolers, do you have any hobbies or pastimes

[gaelicsheep]

My HV asked me if I do and I realised that it's been so long I'd forgotten what I like to do! As it happens I had just acquired some stuff to start making beaded jewellery, and I've also committed to doing some knitting for charity. But honestly, who am I kidding? I will be working full time from next week, I have a 7 month old and a 4 year old. I rarely get any time to myself with two hands free (when DH is holding DD instead). When exactly am I going to do this stuff? As for going out, ever, ha ha.

How about other parents? Do you have hobbies or go out to do things? I said to the HV that my "me time" is going to work.

I don't like to 'go out' really but have a preschooler.

I go running, draw, paint, crochet, take photographs (and develop them), write, read, sing in a choir.

How?

I have two DC, DS is 3 and DD is 1.5.

I have just started quilting again, I had started learning before DS was born. I get a bit of time in the evenings. When I'm not too tired. So not often. DH said he would take the kids out Sat mornings so I could do some sewing as well. This has happened once.

I also started knitting about 6 months ago. Also in the evenings. Go to a knitting group every now and again, and I have just heard about a sewing group.

There are a lot of sewing groups in NZ, and they have someone to look after the kids at one.

What do you mean how?

I get up in a morning before dh goes to work and go for a run. Or I go when he gets home from work. Or on his day off (only takes an hour).

I crochet when dd is in bed or when she's drawing or reading. We go out for a walk and I take my camera while she picks flowers or collects stones. I read my book when she's at preschool or in bed. MIL looks after her for an hour while I go to choir on a Tuesday. While dd is painting, I paint too.

I just have ongoing things I like to do and I do them when it's convenient.

Is there something you particularly want to do? Do you have a yearning for more 'me time'. How do you get to work? I used to take the bus and crochet/read/knit on the bus.

Has what the hv said bothered you?

Do either of you work (out of the home), out of interest?

I do now, yes.

Yes it's bothered me a little. I hope it's only a temporary situation but at the moment DD is with me/us in an evening until we go to bed, which we can't until well after 11 because she won't settle. I kind of think that if anyone gets time to themselves it should be DH because he's with the DCs all day (or will be from next week). I think when I'm back at work any evening time I get will be spent preparing food for the DCs for the next day and generally doing the housework that DH can't do in the day because he's busy with DD.

Yes, it has definitely bothered me! Especially since there are now things I would like to do. I Mumsnet a lot in the evenings, but that's because I'm good at one handed typing!

I used to play piano, and violin, to a high standard. I haven't been able to play my piano for more than ten minutes for more than 4 years.

I go out at least once a week either clubbing, cinema, house party etc. I also go for lunch with my mum and shopping with her on our own through the week.

My husband looks after her for a whole night on fri or sat as I am out clubbing and then I have a lie in until about lunch.

Hmm, I do get lie ins sometimes, but that's because I'm up with DD all night.

I am feeling sorry for myself today - sorry! Must be with going back to work next week.

Why dont you take it in turns then? My husband used to get up with me every feed when she was first born (stupid idea but it was our first). We did that for about 8 months and then we switched on to alternate nights of looking after her.

You have a 7 month old. I was doing very little apart from bfing and rocking to sleep when dd was 7 months.

I play piano and violin too and did neither for at least 18 months after dd was born. I do both now and most days.

I think you're trying to shoehorn it in where there isn't time.

Start small. A couple of hours twice a week maybe? Once dd is older, it'll be much easier.

I know you're right FW! What I wanted was lots of people to say - oh gosh no, no time for that!

Noodle - I bf and we co-sleep. When I said "up", I suppose I meant "awake". Still rubbish though.

I think it was the realisation that for the past 4 years I have considered my "me time" to be going to work. That's a bit sad really, isn't it?

Especially considering that me going to work full time is not a choice, just an economic necessity given the nature of my and DH's respective careers.

Ignore me then people. I'm being totally unrealistic - I will be patient! (And hope that some time over the next 2 years it may be possible to put DD down, asleep, ever).

It's not sad at all.

When I had a 7 month old (cosleeping/bfing round the clock), I had no time for anything at all beyond trying to remember my own name. I was more tired at 7 months than at 7 weeks.

I have one very easy, self-entertaining, biddable 3yr old (and am a little bit pregnant with dc2). Ask me again in a year. I'll be in the corner mumbling and unable to remember what hobbies are.

Give yourself a break.

Do I remember that you had a really tough delivery first time round? Hope you don't mind me asking. I think we talked ages ago on here about traumatic deliveries. I'm almost certain it was you. How was it 2nd time round (am currently worrying)? Ignore if you wish, I won't mind.

Oh and you both deserve time to do things you love. I've been the sahp for a long time and dh's need for a break is as strong as mine. We're a partnership and both need time to do things away from work/parenting. And luckily we work together to facilitate that.

Gaelic sheep - I have an eight month old, a preschooler and a schoola ged child. I too struggle to do ANYTHING for me. Sh has offered but it never happens. I spend any time of an evening doing chores that Icouldnt when the dcs were awake. I also have three school runs a day.

I dream of doing something that doesnt involve kids and housework, so I feel the same as you. I try not to think about it!! (Doesnt help though!)

DH works long hours, before school till after bedtime and is out with sport one day every weekend, so pretty much EVERYTHING is up to me. And if I took time for me, nothing else gets done so it is all waiting for me when I return!!

I too have considered working nights (days not possible atm) just to get some time 'alone'! But then realistically I know nothing will change so I do everything I do now but probably have to do it in the wee hours and I will get even less sleep than now (currently averaging a few hours a night in between wakeups!!)

What I mean to say, sorry for the rant is that I know where you are coming from and you are not alone!!

Oh wow, fancy you remembering. I thought I recognised your name!

Second time around - different again. There was one false start when my contractions seemed regular so I went in as we're so far from the hospital - nothing doing. But it started later that night and I laboured mostly at home cos I didn't think I was very far on - not that painful compared with the first time. I ended getting to hospital 40 minutes before DD was born. The MW didn't even have time to take a history or examine me before I was pushing.

Totally, totally different. Have a look in birth announcements, I wrote about it then. Good luck!!

I play piano and violin too - how strange!

I stopped playing (in a group) from about 8m pg with DC1 until DC1 was about 9mo. Then I stopped again 18m later when heavily pg with DC2. I haven't started again since (2y ago) as find working and having 2 DCs just makes me want to do nothing at all in the evening (pathetic I know!).

However, I am starting to think about starting again - in fact DH is encouraging me cos I think he thinks I'm going stir crazy (I am!). It goes without saying that DH has maintained his (many) hobbies throughout!

OP don't let your HV make you feel bad. Who cares if you don't have a hobby for a while. When you havelate/broken nights, sometimes just having a bath on your own, or a lie-in is enough!!!! Wait until things settle more and you have got back into work, and see how you feel then.

I'll say "oh gosh, no, not me" because it's true.

I have 2 under 3s and the most I manage (sometimes!) is a monthly bookclub. And sometimes I haven't even finished the book, which pre-DC, would have seemed laughably absurd to me.

I get lie ins too, sometimes, but they compensate for broken nights.

It will get better, I'm sure. It already was for me until I had DC2 so I'm sure it will again. And for you, too.

I go back to work soon, too. That will be my me time for a while, especially the 2 hrs on a train 3X week.

Thank you ThereIsNoSpoon - commisserations!!

Thanks everyone else too. Off for a (quick) bath!

I crochet when I'm not too tired which is almost never. I go to a knitting group which is held twice a fortnight (both times in the same week) once in the evening and once every other Friday morning and I take both dd's along, though with the baby I no longer get much done while I am there. Don't get much other time to do stuff. I have a long list of things that I'd like to do. Trying to feed dd back off to sleep so I can go and bake muffins.

Sorry, should add some sympathy to you. It's depressing not being able to do anything for yourself. In fact I found it more depressing when pg as I had the time but just felt so awful all the time. Just felt like I was achieving nothing.

I feel the same as you gaelicheep.

My DD is 2.9 and I am a SAHM. I had a realisation two days ago that I do nothing for myself anymore. I don't know what I like doing anymore and I have kind of lost "me"

So I decided to learn something new. I downloaded a free program to teach myself how to touch type. It's a boring thing but it will help me in the future when I go back to work. I only do one lesson a day so about 20 minutes but it is something for me. When I have done that I'm going to do the same but with shorthand.

I have also got some fitness DVDs I am starting to do. DD sits next to me and tries to do some sit ups and star jumps. It's hilarious watching her so it makes it a bit more fun.

Slowly I hope I will find myself again.