THE!!! Girlie talk! Sex education

[automum]

Hi all, im new to mums net but thought it would be a good place to get advice, i have 3 boys and a step daughter whom is nine, we see her regular and are quite close, she lives with her grandma who has asked me to talk to her about sex and puberty, i dont have a problem at all with doing this but at 9yrs old how much do i say, do i turn it into an occasion with a girlie night chocci etc maybe a pressie or just fit it into a days chatting?? My plan is to let her know weve noticed shes growing up and how mature she is so i feel we can have the talk. Her older sister (not ours) was pregnant at 13 and again at 15, we want so much more for her than that. Without being too negative she has such derogative female role models i want to get it right, any advice welcome thanx x

She's 9? She will already know a lot - or think she does. Kids talk, and she will have picked up a lot of (probably incorrect) info in the playground. So don't assume you're going into a conversation she's entirely ignorant of. I think your plan sounds good - you could maybe get her a book that explains everything clearly.

Why have a 'TALK'? Why not just talk? What I mean is don't make it a big deal with presents etc. Just be open, chat while you are washing up, driving, when something crops up on TV, whenever. The main thing is to make it clear that you are comfortable talking about anything and wont be horrified or embarrassed by any question she asks. It sounds like her big sister's story might be a starting point

I agree with lurcher and slambang. My nearly 10 YO has an excellent grasp of matter sexual and puberty. We never sat and had 'a talk', just a gradual answering of questions when they came up.
I should think your Dsd will already know the mechanics, I think you should build on her self esteem so she doesn't say yes to the first person who asks her for a shag.

I'll second the 'book and informal chat' routine too. It's what I did with the DSs and what I'll do with DD in a couple of years. In the meantime I have a policy (which the DCs are aware of) of answering any questions they have as honestly as I can.

Just ask her if she has any questions. she will know about sex but she won't really know if you get me. Ask her what she knows and correct on anything wrong. Don't make a big thing about it just bring it up when it is just the two of you. don't just talk about sex talk about what comes out if you have unprotected sex, talk about how difficult parenting is and how it is best to have a job first? the talk probably won't be a one off, tell her if she has any other questions or wants to tell you anything just let you know.

I have just read " it's not the stork" to my 6 yr old- REALLY reccomend it. there is another book for older kids by the same people - it tells the child pretty much everything they need to know. My 6yr old was getting very confused by all the " special cuddle" and "funny feelings inside " type things I was fobbing him off with, he wanted to know so i told him. Felt I really educated him and hopefully he isn't as confused as he was before.

Hi all, thankyou so much for your advice all good and if she was my daughter it would have been informal and i would know how much she knew and would have easily had this conversation and any others needed, my 5yr old son probably knows more correct info than her! I have always chatted very openly to my boys aged 14,13 and 5yrs they can ask me anything it was so easy.Her family is very complicated and this is not a role i should be in to be honest but she deserves to know whats going to happen to her body and how to deal with her feelings, its very hard to explain publicly as her life is so complicated, i just want to make her feel really grown up and precious as she is, but is not being taught or shown that at home! Ive just ordered some books and a very close friend has just told me im a super mum and will just get it right, bless her i think thats what i needed to hear, thanx again everyone!