Help me help my lovely ds - he seems to have got lost in Y2...

[deepdarkwood]

DS is a (over) sensitive child - quiet, bookish, kind and empathetic - but a trffle intoverted - not a 'boys boy'. In Y1 he had fabulous teachers who 'got' him & really built up his confidence. He did well, progressed well and seemed to really enjoy himself. Y2, he doesn't seem to have connected. He's lost confidence hugely - esp with anything written. I thought it was a handwriting/literacy issue & talked to his teacher -who agreed it was partly because he worries if he' writing the 'right' thing. We worked on boosting his confidence (at home at least, haven't heard anything from school).
At parents eve recently teacher agreed that his writing confidence had improved. BUT says he is still very under-confident in peer group/on table work - even with maths which he loves. And now is coming home talking about other children in his class being mean at lunchtime & making him cry

Teacher didn't seem to have any great ideas (& is leaving to have a baby at half term) - so power of MN, I need your help....

How can I help boost ds's self belief and confidence? At what stage/how do I tackle school?
How can I help him stick to his guns in his peer group?
He's not a 'cool' kid (does dance club rather than football) - should I help him there?

I'm feeling like we've let him down - what can I do??

Thanks Teela - sorry haven't been on for a couple of days.

Yes, he does have a best friend in the class - they've known each other since they were 3 months & see each other very regularly after school :-) BUT hos mate is a very competitive little soul, & I'm not sure more time with him would actually bolster ds. But that does make me think that a few more playdates (have been a bit lazy lately!) would be a really good idea...

hopeful bump..

Can you invite girls for playdates?

One of my girls who had a few problems making friends (very shy), became really good friends with a boy who sounds similar to your lad.

Could he take something into school that he could play with at break/lunchtime if he has a hard time with the other kids?

You could ask the teacher to do one of those general 'be nice to everyone' class talks. Some teachers I've spoken to in the past, will keep an eye out at break time for a couple of days to see exactly what the problem is.

Oohhh, girls is a good idea. He has had one little girl over (she's left the school, now ... not due to our invite ;-) ) And there is another girl we've asked in the past, but has been too shy - would be worth asking again.

Teacher has said she'll do the 'be nice' chat, and to be fair, I don't think the playground is, as yet, a bit issue for him. I'm just keen it doesn't turn into one.

Have made a list of playdate options & sent out some invites -although ds is resisting girls .
Any other ideas/experiences?

Could you take ds to a club outside school to make a different set of friends - Beavers/Cubs, gym, horse-riding, theatre?

Yes, I've been wondering about that, werewolf. I'm thinking about something like judo (on the waiting list for beavers but hugely over subscribed)

Have you got a Woodcraft group near you? He might enjoy that.
With the school stuff, does your school subscribe to Mathletics or Spellodrome etc? It's a really good way for them to practise their skills at home and receive merits and certificates for achieving. Then if they take the certificates into school it can really bolster their confidence.
If the teacher is leaving at half-term they should already have assigned another teacher to take over, so it's possible for you to have a chat with them now to have something in place for when they go back.
Can you role-play with him, what he should do if someone's mean? The play dates are a fab idea too. :)

Ds does education city (which they have at school) - but I never bother actually printing out the certificates - good idea.

And I've seen woodcraft mentioned on here before & thought it sounded like ds's thing ... and have just found there's a group down the road Before I follow it up, let me know what I'm letting myself in for jaffacake?

(Oh, and new teacher not officially assigned yet..)

Ito role playing. I haven't actually talked to him yet about whether he thinks that standing up for himself is an issue. I'm nervous that it might make him conscious of the problem, and therefore make it worse by giving it a label & an official status, iykwim. But I suspect that's me being a wimp, isn't it...

My friend's son goes to Woodcraft and really enjoys it. As far as I know it's pretty much like Beavers/Scouts but without the religious aspect!
Why not call them and go along for a taster session where you can stay with him to see if he likes it? It's great for them to be in social situations outside of their normal surroundings.
Ikwym about the role-playing thing, you don't want to make it into more than it is? Then why not read a few books about people being kind to others etc (something like the smartest giant in town would be good), then it opens up opportunities to talk about when people aren't kind etc. Without it being direct?

Thanks jaffacake - have got a contact number & will follow up on Woodcraft.

And, yes, some soft role play is a good idea: we're reading the first Harry Potter atm, & I'm sure that's full of 'soft' entrances into being your own person

My ds went though a phase where he lost his confidence when he was in year 2 think the increase in written work had something to do with it plus my situation at home (I'd just ended a relationship and EX thought it would be funny to intimidate by phoning the house then hang up, drive past when I was bringing ds home from school and one morning he was even sitting outside my house watching us leave) I reported it to the police and he got dealt with but not before he shattered ds confidence

I spoke to the school and they were great ds was given a pass to a room called the 'snug' where he could go on a break time with a friend just until he got his confidence back and he was asked to join a 'pyramid club' which was held is school hours a small group of children got together once a week for a 12 week period and did craft activities (made things they could bring home) It really boosted ds' confidence:)

Does your son's school not do anything like that? It might be worth asking about!

Thanks for that, Anngeree. That sounds very similar to what has happened to ds this year (although luckily, without the scary ex - sounds rough for both of you ). He's confident when seaking/expressing his ideas - but just hates having to write stuff down!

His teacher actually just called up, & I'm going to pop in & see her again today - but I suspect there isn't anything quite like that (sounds lovely!) - I certainly haven't heard about it.

From what everyone's saying, it sounds like some out of school activities where he sees himself achieveing - in a different way - might be just the right thing to boost confidence without him having to focus on writing all the time!

I know this is a really old thread but I'd be very grateful to know if you found a solution deepdarkwood as my dd (7) has the same lack of confidence. She enjoyed writing in year one and "had a go" even if spellings weren't there and then suddenly stopped in year two and it's like trying to pull teeth. I think I had a breakthrough last night when she again mentioned something I hadn't really taken note of in terms of how it affected her...on day one of year two the classroom assistant told the class that it would be a "lot harder" and this really scared her and in hindsight, paralysed her. She feels these things deeply and sets herself high standards and is also hurt when her friends comment on how slow she is. Has anyone got any advice? I've spoken to the teacher who is lovely but apart from saying he agrees it's lack of confidence and that he's putting her on a smaller table I don't know what's being done. I'm tempted to bring last year's work in to show him what she was doing last year as from writing three pages she's now down to sentences. Please help as I'm worried this is going to become a big thing for her.

Tackle school straight away So what if a teacher is leaving? The school's responsibility is to teach your child the various required skills in a safe, creative and constructive environment. If he's not being stimulated or not getting the right attention in order to learn that is their fault, not yours or his. And if he's being picked on in the playground that's a bullying issue and you should not hang back on that one at all.

I wasted a long time in a similar situation hanging back, thinking things would resolve themselves, trying to fix the problem myself and being reluctant to push the issue with school. It was when I discovered that other mothers were escalating far more trivial issues - always in the headteacher's office demanding better for their child - that I realised I was being a mug and letting my own child down.

Fight for your child. Make yourself unpopular at school if necessary. Them that shouts loudest gets the attention.

Woodcraft is highly political check them out carefully first.

Just realised zombie thread