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Parenting

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Original poster

Is a four year old too young for table manners?

13 replies

roseability · 19/01/2011 21:20

Like waiting at the table until others have finished and asking politely to get down etc

My ds eats nicely and sits well when eating but I haven't really enforced the other stuff

We had lunch at a friends house today and my ds got down when he had finished. Now I am thinking that might have looked rude? My friend's younger ds then wouldn't eat the rest of his lunch because he saw my ds playing. Am I overanalyzing this?

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cece · 19/01/2011 21:22

I think if you are a guest then a 4 year old should be able to sit and wait for at the other child to finish eating. They need to understand that there can be different rules depending on circumstances.

sponkle · 19/01/2011 21:25

My DS 3.8 eats beautifully but gets down once finished having put knife and fork down properly on plate and saying thank you. I think it's a bit much to expect him to stay put while we all stay and chat and 'let our food go down' we have teenager aswell you see and like to chat at the table. As long as he has said thanks I odn't see a problem...when he is a little older maybe 5 or 6 I think he will be able to stay for longer maybe with the aid of a book or colouring or something....

Original poster

roseability · 19/01/2011 21:29

well I have thought like that sponkle but I am worried now, that we looked rude.

I am trying to make friends and this was the first time and said mother's house

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timetosmile · 19/01/2011 21:32

4 is still little!
But I do think it's useful to chat about different rules in different circumstances....ours can divide relatives into who-you-can-dip-sandwiches-in-soup-with and the rest!
Youngest ds 3.4 knows to use please and thank you and ask before getting down, though as previous poster says, he is often allowed to get down and play while the older ones sit up and chat with us.

WonderingStar · 19/01/2011 21:33

I think that if children of roughly the same age are eating together then they should wait. so if one has finished their main course, they should wait until the others have too before getting pudding (unless one of the others is a chronically slow eater!).

likewise getting down from the table.

but I would not expect a small child to sit and wait for a table of adults to finish.

MrsRhettButler · 19/01/2011 21:34

Dd would have asked if she could get down, she always does.
Never too young for any sort of manners imo some of dds first words were please, thank you and you're welcome.
What you describe doesn't sound very rude tbh different families do things their own way, sometimes dss or dd take aaaages to eat so I wouldn't expect the other to wait for them and if they see them playing then all the more reason to eat up fast

Original poster

roseability · 19/01/2011 21:35

I mucked up yet again, so rubbish at this parenting malarky sometimes

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mummyshreddingnora · 19/01/2011 21:36

we have 2dc, dd (nearly 4) and ds 1

we have always taught dd that she can't just get down from the table, we always wait for everyone to finish (unless anyone is pissing about) once everyone has finished eating she can ask to get down and can, if we are eating in a more informal place she can ask to get down when she's finished, but always asks - we've always done it and she's fine with it

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 19/01/2011 21:37

Roseability - you didn't 'muck up again' - you just did something that made you think it was time to change a few things...

At 4 I would definitely expect him to ask to get down and be able to wait if he was told to. I don't think it's worth the effort of making them wait until everyone has finished etc - but for a few minutes/until his friend had finished eating - definitely.

If you are at home, start getting him to wait until you have finished your lunch etc before he gets down.

onimolap · 19/01/2011 21:38

I don't think you've mucked up. If she sits well and eats nicely, you've got two of the biggies of tables manners cracked. Well done.

lechatnoir · 19/01/2011 21:47

Blimey Roseability if your children can sit at the table, eat nicely and say please & thank you I think you're doing better than many!! We do enforce a 'wait until everyone's finished & ask to get down rule' (although like others generally once children have finished not whilst adults sit & chat) partly for manners but also because as you discovered at your friend's house, once they see someone else playing all ideas of eating go out the window!

Original poster

roseability · 19/01/2011 21:54

Well it has given me food for thought and I will try and encourage my ds to wait or ask to get down.

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MollieO · 19/01/2011 22:01

At that age I expected Ds to ask if he could leave the table so I'd have the option of saying yes or no. Usually though his friends were always first to finish. I'd let them get down once they asked but also let Ds understand he could go and play as soon as he had finished eating.

Now he is 6 I expect him to wait until everyone has finished.

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