Do I need an anger management course?

[ItalianDiva]

I am struggling to keep my cool with my three year old and 22 month old and was wondering if this is normal or whether I need to see a shrink! I love them both to bits but I tend to fly off the handle, probably way too quickly. They just make my blood boil sometimes. The other day we were doing some painting (I hate this activity but it was raining and they love it) and I literally roared at my eldest DD because she was fussing about which paint brush went in which pot. When I switched the offending brushes round, she moaned that I had done it wrong and wanted them back in the original position. She then started whining that I had put the pot of brushes in the wrong place and that I had to move it and that's when I just exploded. I know her behaviour doesn't justify my reaction, that I should just stay calm, that I should be a better role model, but frankly I don't know how. Has anyone ever gone on an anger management/ parenting course? Are they any good?

Parenting classes can be helpful and can be easier to find.

On another note - do you think you could have depression because being unusually irritated can be a symptom.

I think small children just ARE irritating. Mine certainly are- 3 and 2. I regularly have to go into another room for a few deep breaths.

I didn't get angry easily before having children though, so it must be their fault.

It does sound like a little bit of an over reaction!! Have you got a family centre near by? They often do parenting courses, I think as well you need to try and notice when you start feeling stressed so you can physically remove yourself - go and make a cup of tea or stand in the bathroom and take a few deep breaths!!! If I were you I would also think about some counselling for you to see if you can work out what is really bothering you (cause I'm guessing it ain't the paint pots!!)

Are you due on ? I could be a monster looking back in the week before my period and basically do not do any painting or the like as it'll end in tears. Lots of out door activities that week.

Thanks, good tips! You're right girliefriend, maybe there is something bothering me, but I don't know what it is. Some days I feel very lucky to have two lovely healthy children, other days I am just dying to have my independence back.

But going to another room and taking some deep breaths is definitely something I'll be trying next time.

I could have written this. I have same age kids, and it can be really hard, can't it? It's got to be their age, hasn't it?
(Saying that, whenver I feel its hard - I then always hear from/meet someone who's got like 5 kids and makes it look super easy!)
I've worked out I get RAGING PMS/PMT and am unbearable for 2-3 days a month. I never knew this before and was getting seriously worried about how inconsistent I could be with the kids. Now, if this conicides with the days I'm at home then I just make sure am out as much as possible or go to a soft play.
Does your 22 month old still kip in the PM/
I find that's when I do more painting/playdoh/baking/crafts cos then my 21 month old doesn't trash everything and I can focus on my 3 yr old...

How do the rest of your days pan out usually?

And is there anything that triggers you losing it?

I wish I could remove myself to a different room, but am so quick to getting annoyed that there's no time for me!
Will watch this post with interest.

pipkin35 - so good to hear of someone else having the same issues. That's why I totally love this site.

I hadn't thought of the whole pms thing but am going to try and keep a note of my outbursts and see if it coincides with my time of the month.

I tend to do the baking/ painting activites with both kids, after my 22 month old wakes up. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. But I just feel like I need the time while she's asleep to do my chores, read the paper, have a bit of a breather.

During that time, normally between 1.30pm and 3pm, my DD1 will watch a bit of TV, have 'quite time' looking at books on the sofa and spend the rest of time hanging around me as I wash up, fold washing, prep tea etc.

Maybe I should try splitting that time between chores and doing some sort of activity with my DD1.

Then when they're both awake, go to the swings or a play zone or something.

TBH I don't think it's their age, because I have tended to lose my temper ever since DD2 was born. I think it's just me being a stress cadet! It could also be the age gap - mine are 19 months apart.

The last couple of days I have really tried to be calm and it's been pretty good. I think it's just a question of realising what you're doing, being aware of the warning signs and just trying to be as calm as possible, not raising your voice etc.

But boy is it hard! The worst bit is I work two days a week, so I do get a break from the kids, which is why I really should be better at controlling my temper. Must try harder.