physical intimacy

[pillowfight]

My husband's family are very tactile/huggy, and my mother-in-law is very much into massage. I come from a less physically expressive family (although we love each other very much, we don't give hugs). I have always felt this lack of hugs to be a bit of a shame.
As a result, I bring my own children up with ample hugs but I feel uncomfortable when my 9 1/2 year-old (with nipples starting to bud!) takes off her top for her mother-in-law to give her an oily massage, or even when she leaps into my husbands and my bed and asks for her back to be scratched, or massages my husband's bare back. I don't want to deprive my daughter of physical contact. I feel hugs are fine, but clothes should be left on. I also think she's too old to come into our bed in the mornings, although it could be awkward banning her as her 5 year old sister still comes in. Am I being a prude? I don't want my children to feel awkward about hugging parents, as I feel about hugging mine. What is normal physical contact with your children? Is massage OK?

Others might come on and disagree but I don't think there's anything wrong with her coming in to see you in the mornings. I would teach her to knock and you and dp put pjs on (if you don't sleep in them already) but personally I think it's a lovely time for her to come in and chat with you.

My children don't come in my bedroom, it's where I keep their Birthday and Christmas presents for a start plus you need some space which is yours when the little ones have taken over every other inch of the house.

You can keep closeness with a strict rule about keeping clothes on. I think "clothes on" is comparatively easy but stopping the contact, however normal and harmless probably is less easy. And if you decide the child is too big to be getting into your bed, present this to her in a united front. I climbed into bed with my mum (mum only) in the mornings when i was 17 and she was pregnant - poor woman!

They are never too old to get into your bed. I have a 19yr old son who sometimes gets in, although this is ususally at night because he is never up in the mornings! In fact a good way to get him out is to bring to his attention that his father never sleeps with pyjama bottoms on!

I think you need to be a bit careful about making a big deal of this. A bit of nudity now and again within an immediate family is something which will likely teach your daughter to be comfortable with her body and with herself.

My daughter is 10 and still likes a snuggle in my bed before she goes to bed. As a family we are quite tactile and we are all quite comfortable about nudity. I think it's nice your daughter still wants cuddles and contact and if you too much of it she may feel uncomfortable. With regards to the massaging - they've done peer-to-peer massage at school, so she likes practising on us.

Thank you everyone! That's reassured me...