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Parenting

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Original poster

Leaving children alone in car... what age and how long?

34 replies

redhappy · 15/01/2011 07:57

I'm normally a lot less 'safety conscious' than everyone else on here seems to be.

However, have found out dp leaves ds in the car alone when I'm not there. I don't think it's for a long time, but for example, he went to a retail park, ds wouldn't cooperate, didn't want to go in the shop. So dp left him inside the car (which was parked right outside the front doors), locked the doors and went into the shop.

Ds is 4. I have tried to say it isn't safe or fair to leave him on his own. Dp says he's fine, there's nothing that could happen to ds because engine turned off and doors locked.

I disagree, don't think it's safe but can't come up with any suggestions of what the danger might be!

Have tried scaring im with possibility that someone would report him to the police, but he doesn't believe me! I know some of you lot would do it!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HairyTruckDriver · 15/01/2011 08:30

I do it. not for long but if I need to nip into the supermarket etc. . I think its' safer to leave them in the car in any case, especially on a retail park where people drive like idiots around the car park.

Also if someone reported him to the police, they wouldn't be interested unless the kids were clearly at risk.

sarahtigh · 15/01/2011 09:40

its fine for short time especially if asleep not ok while you do your whole weekly shop at supermarket but I leave DD when nipping into post office paying for petrol or anywhere where can aprk outside and will be 5-10 minutes, yes may get police if its 30C outside and left DC with all windows shut for 30 minutes.

DP probably always seem to take more risks but sure it does not seem to do any harm, so long as it's not in crime central it will be fine

MyLifeIsChaotic · 15/01/2011 09:47

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IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 15/01/2011 09:53

I wouldn't leave my ds1 who is also 4 for any length of time. He could let the handbrake off (he would) he miht get bored or frightened and want to get out and look for me. I would also be worried that as the doors are locked that if in the very unlikely event of fire or something that ds couldn't get out or people wouldn't get to him.
I'm not one for panic TBH and am very relaxed about a lot of things people get worked up about but leaving ds out of sight in the car doesn't sit right with me.

Original poster

redhappy · 15/01/2011 11:26

Thanks for responses. Don't want to think I'm being predjudiced, but I do think fathers are a lot more relaxed about it. For me, as a mother I rely on my intuition. It doesn't feel right to leave him attended, but I cannot quantify that for dp.

Good point Ineedacleaner...

At this point I will say ds has some special needs, and speech delay. If anything happened he would not be able to talk to a stranger. I didn't mention this before because in many respects he is an average 4 year old. However, his intelligence, and his level of common sense are not at the same place IYSWIM

OP posts:

cookieraymond · 15/01/2011 13:05

I would LOVE to leave my DC in the car when I need to nip in somewhere, but have not quite worked up the courage!!

I think someone might steal the car with them in it - that is my fear - or else steal the car because they are in it

I do it at the petrol stations - doesn't everyone?!

For example, I have a small pushchair reserved at Argos in the retail park today. I can park quite close and it will probably take 5 - 10m max to go in, wait for it to fall down the chute and come back to the car. Have been pondering leaving them in the car but am still in two minds....

they are 1 and 2.10m

probably wont, and will inwardly grumble the whole time at the hassle!

13lucky · 15/01/2011 17:25

I wouldn't, no. He could let the hand brake off for a start. Also he might get frightened and as a pp has said, in the case of a fire he wouldn't be able to get out or anyone get in to help him. Or someone could break into the car and drive off with him.

I also don't leave mine in the car at petrol stations - it is a massive hassle but I do cart my 2.3 yo and 4.5 yo in with me to pay. Either that or leave it till the weekend to fuel up when my husband is there too. Or go to a pay at the pump one.

preghead · 15/01/2011 17:33

Surely not at a petrol station they are right there and it takes a couple of minutes!!!!

Also, children aren't actually allowed on the forecourt (I hve never seen any)

I too am in the judge the timing camp, wouldnt so full shop but have left them in m and s carpark while ran in and out to get a pint of milk. Don't worry about te handbrake think as they are always strapped into carseats? I would only do it if car right outside, in a bay, flat carpark etc too.

The type of car is an issue too, ours has an alarm that you can disable in their row only and blackEd out windows so they are locked in and noone can see them, would hesitate in a smaller car with no alarm

13lucky · 15/01/2011 17:37

Sometimes it takes a couple of minutes at a petrol station...but sometimes there's a big cue. There's still the same issue that someone could drive off with your car or drive into the back of it, or the issue of a fire (in fact more so at a petrol station).

The op's ds is 4 so would be in a booster seat and able to undo seatbelt themselves.

13lucky · 15/01/2011 17:38

sorry queue not cue!

13lucky · 15/01/2011 17:49

I think it is incorrect that children aren't allowed on forecourts and, in fact, the advice is not to leave children in cars at petrol stations, for example here:

www.autoweb.co.uk/article/615

I do appreciate how inconvenient it is though and am not judging what other people do - I'm just saying I'm not comfortable doing it myself.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 15/01/2011 22:15

Children are allowed on forecourts but it is something you need to weigh up the risk of dragging (in my case) 3 chilren 1 a baby across a busy forecourt keeping a hold of them all or nipping in.
And as 13 said the handbrake issue is a real on my ds is 4 and in a high backed booster using the normal seat belt and he can unclip it himself.

LadyBiscuit · 15/01/2011 22:17

There is no way anyone would ever want to steal my car :o

yummumto3girls · 15/01/2011 23:24

Not long ago I went to a furniture store, we parked next to a car with two kids in alone(about 7 and 8). They were messing around in the car and had knocked the handbrake off and the car was rolling forward. My husband shouted through the window for them to open the door so he could put the handbrake on, to start with they wouldn't (understandably) but did. He pulled the hand bake on, and then told them to sit quietly until their parents returned, they were petrified! We put a call out in the shop but no one came rushing back to them. I would never, therefore leave my kids in the car for long, 4 is way too young. I do do it at petrol stations or at shop where I can see the car at all times and am going to be really quick.

dikkertjedap · 16/01/2011 02:37

I would never leave my dd in the car on her own. I try to tank car when dh is looking after dd or by going to a pump where you can pay at the pump itself. When she was younger and asleep, I either postponed what I was doing or took her out and put her in pushchair. When she was a baby I just took the baby seat out and put the whole seat in the supermarket trolley (admittedly not much space left for shopping). I just don't feel comfortable with the idea. Mind you, I regularly see children on their own in cars so clearly lots of parents are quite happy to do it.

joanneg20 · 17/01/2011 05:44

I would never do this, even for a minute! And I'm very laid-back/risk taking in other child-related areas - e.g. ignored pretty much all baby advice about bottle-sterilising, not heating up bottles in microwave, not making bottles in advance and storing them in fridge, cotton wool for first six weeks etc.
But bottom line on this one is that someone could either steal your car with your child in it, or break into car and take your child. It is a tiny risk, but you gain very little from leaving them in the car. It's only a very minor inconvenience to take them with you and so not worth taking any risk at all.

NickNacks · 17/01/2011 10:34

I live near a man (in his twenties now) but when we were toddlers his mum left him in the car whilst she popped into the shop. Nothing out of the ordinary 20 yrs ago, especially in a small village.

Anyway it turned out the car had an electrical fault and caught fire. She had locked the door so little one couldn't be rescued. He is now covered head to toe in burn scars and will be an everyday reminder to his mum.

It's an everyday reminder to me too. I would never leave my child until they are old enough to unfasten their belt and open the door. Luckily mine and probably many other modern day cars can be locked from the outside but can still be opened from the inside without the key.

munstersmum · 17/01/2011 10:49

I have only ever left DS in the car where I can see him the whole time, so that's petrol stations & shops in the village where I can park outside. The main reason being a friend of my mum's lost a child as a young toddler - the child was sick (not previously poorly) & being strapped into car seat contributed to choking on vomit.

Husbands are more relaxed but mine got 'his fingers burned' just this month. He had left DS aged 6 in the car with the rear door child locks on but DS decided he would scramble into the driver seat & get out of the car. Luckily this was a quiet village road but driver side meant not pavement side.

pinkmagic1 · 17/01/2011 10:59

Hairytruckdriver, I can assure you the police would be very interested in an unattended young child in a vehicle. My Mum works for the local police force and has dealt with 2 cases of children left in unattended vehicles in the past week, 1 age 4 and 1 age 10 months.
I would never leave my children alone in the car. It dosn't bear thinking about what could happen. Not only is there the danger of abduction, like someone else mentioned what if they released the handbrake?

mrsnellie · 20/01/2011 11:29

I can't tell anyone what to do with their children but I would strongly advise that you never leave your children alone in a vehicle.
The risk of fire is still there even if the engine is switched off. My DH is a firefighter and was recently called to a car that had caught fire to an electrical fault. The car was stationary and had been parked on the drive all night, it just went up in flames.
This is not a rare occurrence, the fire brigade are called to car fires all the time and if a car next to yours caught fire your car is likely to go with it.

With regard to the handbrake concern, this happened at my local petrol station, the parent was in the queue and the little boy let off the handbrake. The forecourt is on a slant so the car rolled straight into another parked car.
I know it's not always easy to nip into a shop with kids in tow (I have 3) but I would rather 5 minutes of hassle than a lifetime of living with the consequences.

Gonzo33 · 20/01/2011 11:55

I only ever leave my dd in the care when going into a shop if I know I will only be 5-10 minutes and she is asleep. I will at petrol stations to pay for fuel as well. If she is awake I take her with me, she is 11 months. However normally my 9 year old son is also in the car keeping an eye on her (or not wanting to be dragged round the "boring" shop.

If I am somewhere that I don't know I will not leave my children in the car unless I can see them from inside wherever I am going.

starhopper · 20/01/2011 14:15

Hi,
I see this all the time, and I always worry about it. Not yet left mine in the car and never will- I wont leave my handbag on the backseat if I park up and my children are worth so much more than that!
Plus the fear of fire.
Interesting discussion though!

Porcelain · 20/01/2011 14:49

My father was a fire officer who attended several car fires where kids left in the car were playing with the cigarette lighter (the sockets usually work with no ignition and are appealing as they glow). You can't really child proof the dashboard and there's lots of stuff to mess with.
I wouldn't leave them out of sight so I could be sure they were sitting sensibly.

Rindercella · 20/01/2011 15:06

Other than leaving in car when paying for petrol or popping to the cash point when I'm parked right by it, I wouldn't leave my DDs (3.5yrs & 9 mths). Definitely not if they were out of sight.

I have told this story on here before, but when DD1 was a little baby I stopped at some v busy services on the M40 (not the petrol station, but where all the shops/hotel were). Next to me was a car with two small DC - one was a baby still in the rear facing car seat, the other was a small child who was 2/3 yrs old. I went into the services, came out about 5 mins later and they were still there, all alone.

I really should have waited for the parent to come back or have gone back to the services so they could have put a call out for him/her. I was so shocked though - how could anyone leave two such tiny children in such a vulnerable place?

MammyG · 20/01/2011 21:29

I leave mine if I am popping in and the car is directly outside so I can see them. They are 3&4 but I would never lock the car. What if something happened and the car couldnt be opened? My 4yr old hates being left alone anyway so he has to see me and it would literally be a pint of milk job. Must add also that I live is a small quite town where everyone knows my kids I really wouldnt do it anywhere else. They screamed the place down one day cause there was hailstone shower as I was coming out of the shop. They could see me and everything but its innate in them to feel afraid when they are on their own. Also have a 16week old baby now and just wouldnt do it incase they did anything to her! Go with your gut if it doesnt feel right to you then it isnt!

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