Is it ok for my 11 yr old to get bus to school

[mumgran54]

I have started allowing my 11 yr old DD to meet her friend at our house and get the bus to school. It's a 20 min journey. They also come home together. I had always taken them both by car. I don't know how to feel. They are both mature girls but my DD is so petite although very confident. Before I allowed her to take the bus on her own I did allow her to take a bus into town with her friends a couple of times and she is very aware and confident when crossing roads. Now my 22 year old son is arguing with me that it is the wrong thing to do as there is so much that can go wrong. He says she could get robbed, attacked, beaten up and so much more. I had to put the phone down on him as I can't listen to this, now I am worried that I have done the wrong thing. Can I have your thoughts please? Anyone else in this position?

Well I think it's ok but it's down to you.

has he done the same journey at that age?
Did he experience some of the things he has mentioned, maybe?

personally think it's fine. She's a lucky girl to have a big brother looking out for her, but it's your decision.

I would think that an 11 year-old is old enough to get the bus with a friend. I assume there are quite a few other people on the bus and it's not too early/late IYKWIM. Do you take them to the bus stop? Thats the bit that might worry me as if it's just the two of them there someone else could come along and make them feel intimidated- whereas on the bus there's always the driver at least.

I am with mrsweasley, you need to speak with your son about his concerns and not hang up on his.

Ds1 caught a minibus and a train on his own at age 10. But I was happy that some other children took the same route ( although none of his friends) and I spoke to the school at length to get their views. The journey was 40 mins and if he missed the mini bus he was stranded. Their response was that if he had a phone he could call the school and someone would pick him up.

Chat to the school and talk to your son. Don't be angry with him, it is just your feeling defensive.

Of course sha can, we have to let them do these things for themselves, its good to be sensible about it and minimise the risks, discuss with her what to do if there was a problem, like bus is late or breaks down or if someone is annoying them on the bus etc. Oh and having a mobile makes sense once they start traveling on there own too.

My son is 14 and as I have a car he gets ferried about most of the time but I really need to get him to use public transport more because they have to learn to be independent.

At 10/11 I used to get a bus then a train to school with my brother, then train back myself, most nights I went to swimming pool then got bus home myself. My DD is 11 and I shudder at the thpought of that

Robbed? Attacked? Beaten up? Where does he think you live - downtown Beirut? Presumably she'll be catching this bus in the daytime. So no problem. Of course a confident 11 yo can cope with public transport. Maybe give her some advice about what to do in certain tricky situations - forgetting her money/bus pass, bus not turning up, getting kidnapped by aliens etc, and make sure she has a (cheap PAYG) mobile with her.

DD1 started taking the bus to school on selective days when she was 9 (local public transport), and DD2 will be doing the same in a few months when she reaches that age (she already comes back on the bus accompanied by DD1, and started doing so when she was 7). But we don't live in the UK - in other European countries children are given more independence at an earlier age.

I think it's pretty normal for an 11 year old to get the bus to school.

Check with your son incase he knows of recent attacks/muggings in the area, but if he doesn't have any concrete evidence then I don't think you should stop her doing this.

I used to catch a bus home from primary school from one town to another when I was 10 on the occasions when I went to county netball coaching after school. I also used to cycle/catch a bus within my own town to go horse riding from the same age, taking a pony out alone on 60mph twisty and turny road..... now THAT was the dangerous part, not the bus. Makes me feel weak to think about it, or the dcs doing it! They subsequently brought the speed limit down to 40mph when I was an adult.

It is true such things could happen - though how probable? - and it is frightening, but at some point she's going to have to do it. Good on you for letting her.

She's probably never going to be big and scary, so when does your ds propose that she should get independence? Good on him to be concerned for his sister, though.

Fir most chldren secondary is when they start using public transport without an adult.

Does the bus pass through a rough area, or are either of the bus stops in a worrying location? Could you compromise and collect her from school or bus stop if she has to come home late from an after school activity?

Round here all secondary school pupils I know make their own way to school, on foot or on public transport.

Touching as the 22yo's concern is, I would give him a very firm reminder that it is you that's bringing up this girl, not him. Ime big brothers can be far too protective of their little sisters and wanting to keep them babies for longer than is good for them. Sweet but not really in their best interests.

I seem to remember my own childhood as a constant series of my parents telling my big brother that "of course she can do that, stop fussing".

Thank you all so much for your comments. I feel so much better already. My DD does have a mobile so does her friend, in fact my DD says that I keep phoning them too much!! The bus stop is across the road, I can watch them from my window and to get home the bus stop is around the corner approx 3 mins away. I think my DS is concerned because my DD is in yr 6 at primary schoola and not at secondary yet. I don't know why he thinks like he does, I will talk to him

Is your DS the 'man' of the house? Perhaps he feels that his input is necessary because you are just a silly lady?
I think it's fine for your DD to get the bus. I was going five miles on a public bus at the age of nine which is many many many moons ago.

kreecher I am amused at your comments. I have been a lone parent for 11 years and he didn't leave home till he was 20. I suppose he may think along those lines. He has recently had a baby girl(5 weeks old) may have something to do with that as well :)

I thought that all 11 yr olds got a bus to school unless there wasn't a suitable route.
Was your DS driven everywhere-or does he think he was different?

I think there are two explanations to your 22yos overprotectiveness:

a) he is only 22, old enough to have an adult's awareness of danger, but not old enough to have your experience as a parent of older children and their needs. He is only half there.

b) he has just had a new baby daughter, so his emotions will be all over the place and his protectiveness rate is probably the highest it will ever be- hopefully he will have calmed down a little before his dd reaches Yr 6

I think the fact that she is still in primary school might be what maks your son think like that. Even though there is jusy a few months difference between now and her being in high school I think their is a phychlogical element to it.

Is the bus they are taking a school one or one that everyone can take (it would make a difference to me at primary school for some reason).

Ultimatly, I think if your Dd has already taken the bus on her own to go to town, there is not much dfference taking the bus to go to school really and if you think she is able to do it it is ok for her to do so probably.