I was never particularly maternal and doubted whether I was going to have children. However I met my current partner who was very keen to start a family so as I was nearing 36 I needed to stop vacillating and make a decision. We decided to give it a go and we now have a lovely 19 month old daughter whom I opted to not to go back to work for. We were lucky in that she was a cruisy baby and I found caring for her very easy and intuitive.
The love for my daughter is not in question, but as she is getting older and developing more of a personality, I often find myself just starting at her slightly shocked that this little walking, talking person ? who looks neither like my partner or myself ? is indeed my daughter, and me, her mother. I still can?t seem to get my head around it even after all this time. I have friends that have embraced motherhood so wholeheartedly after always knowing they wanted children that I feel I can?t really discuss how I feel with them for fear of sounding like I?m not happy or not enjoying motherhood. Then I start worrying (and feeling guilty)that I?m not feeling ?the right things? and that there is something wrong with me. I?m now constantly being asked about baby number two but I feel I can?t even consider another until I get my head around being a Mum to this one!
Has anyone else struggled with seeing or accepting themselves as a mother?? I feel a bit down about this so any advice/support would be appreciated.