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Still shocked that I am a Mum.....normal after 19 months??

5 replies

shakespeare · 14/01/2011 01:59

I was never particularly maternal and doubted whether I was going to have children. However I met my current partner who was very keen to start a family so as I was nearing 36 I needed to stop vacillating and make a decision. We decided to give it a go and we now have a lovely 19 month old daughter whom I opted to not to go back to work for. We were lucky in that she was a cruisy baby and I found caring for her very easy and intuitive.

The love for my daughter is not in question, but as she is getting older and developing more of a personality, I often find myself just starting at her slightly shocked that this little walking, talking person ? who looks neither like my partner or myself ? is indeed my daughter, and me, her mother. I still can?t seem to get my head around it even after all this time. I have friends that have embraced motherhood so wholeheartedly after always knowing they wanted children that I feel I can?t really discuss how I feel with them for fear of sounding like I?m not happy or not enjoying motherhood. Then I start worrying (and feeling guilty)that I?m not feeling ?the right things? and that there is something wrong with me. I?m now constantly being asked about baby number two but I feel I can?t even consider another until I get my head around being a Mum to this one!

Has anyone else struggled with seeing or accepting themselves as a mother?? I feel a bit down about this so any advice/support would be appreciated.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
angel1976 · 14/01/2011 09:55

God, I have two boys - one almost 3 and the other one 14 months old and sometimes I look at them and still can't quite believe I am a mother of two!

I think it's completely normal. I know you are not supposed to say this but I think part of it is because I 'lost' quite a bit of the individual self to being a mother. Sometimes it's because I don't like myself as a mother and sometimes it's because I don't like the idea of being just seen as a mother to my boys.

I went back to work (only part-time so my boys go to nursery for only two days and that is my choice, I did not want to go back full-time after having DS2) just last week and I feel so much better about it all, just having that headspace and thinking of something else other than my boys, much as I love them. Not sure if I am making sense to you!

Sometimes, things strike me at odd times... I just booked a holiday to Center Parcs and I was thinking of how much I would have hated that post-children and now I desperately want to go as I think my kids will have a fab time. How things have changed! Wink

Concordia · 14/01/2011 09:57

no, i love being a mum but i keep thinking one day i will wake up the teenager that i realy feel to be...

shakespeare · 18/01/2011 00:02

Yeah I wondered that Angel, and no it makes absolute sense. I never really thought I 'lost my identity' giving up work like some mothers do, but perhaps I have more than I realise. I'm just in the process of looking for a part time job so it will be interesting to see how I feel after that.

And your comment about Centre Parcs made me laugh is that is exactly what my sister said when she had her son and they had booked a holiday there!

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shakespeare · 18/01/2011 00:03

bump

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dribbleface · 18/01/2011 09:14

I can say i have felt like this and my turning point was going back to work part time. That in itself was difficult and brought other issues but i felt like me again.

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