DS 28mo puking on demand to avoid bed

[msboogie]

What do you do with a 2 year old who can throw up within seconds of being put to bed because he wants to go back downstairs and stay there until midnight?

Since Christmas DS has been refusing to go to bed in the strongest terms possible. If you pop him in his cot he will go instantly batshit. He has also learned to puke on demand (with alarming speed) and done this a few times - which of course means he has to be taken downstairs, changed and washed all that malarky and he gets his way.

He is now being allowed to fall asleep on the sofa in a darkened room before being taken to bed but he can stay awake until 10 or 11 or later -no problem. He is at nusery all day with only a short nap so its not that he's not sufficiently worn out.

What do we do? Continue to let him rule the roost until he grows out of it?

The smell of sick is proving very hard to shift from the wooden stairs...

There is a bit on this in the Christopher Green toddler taming book. I think the parents just gave the child a bowl to chuck into and let them get on with it. I do know somebody who also let their child sleep in the bed which was all messy. These are all quite harsh responses so I'm not sure I would have been able to do it.

Is it just his cot he objects to, both of mine were out of their cots by this age and I put a stairgate on their door so they couldn't get out.

dd1 went through a stage of not wanting to sleep in her cot and either used to go to sleep in her wardrobe on her cuddly toys (pic on profile) or even on the changing mat under her cot. We then lifted her into her cot when we went up to bed.

On a more practical note vinegar is very good at getting out horrible smells.

Does he have to come downstairs to be cleaned up? Can't you do it (even if less thoroughly) in his room with a bucket and a cloth - then straight back in his cot? Might be less appealing to him then.

Go upstairs, wash and change him in the bedroom, put a bucket by the bed. "Mummy loves ya, sleep now, bye!" Leave.

Repeat as necessary.

You're being manipulated by a wee master. You have to become a boring and hard-hearted bint and hopefully he'll learn that yarking on demand isn't fun or effective.

If he can fall asleep on a sofa, he can fall asleep in bed, but he's going to be one screaming yarking child between now and him sleeping better. I'd invest in an mp3 player and headphones. Bung him in bed, bung on the mp3 player (on you, not him). Ignore, ignore, ignore.

He won't grow out of it. He'll just learn that he's the boss.

yeah that's what I was afraid of. It's not the cot he has the problem with, its a mixture if thinking he's missing out on stuff and also he's just hit the stage where he's becoming scared of things. You'd never get the rancid smell of puke out of hair etc with a bucket and sponge would you? He drinks a lot of milk before bed and I hate the thought of it lingering all night. But you are right he is not going to grow out of it if the message is it works.

I feel for you.

We went through a very similar thing with DD. at the beginning I would clean her up, bath etc and then bring her into our bed.

But I always knew that wasn't really the answer as it just proved to her that it worked. DP and I then changed our approach. Clean up, bedding, bath again etc but then straight back into bed with no more milk or stories. Brief cuddle / kiss but nothing else.

It did work. It took time but it did work l. Now she goes to bed very nicely, the occasional tantrum and occasional vomit but 99% of the time goes to bed brilliantly.

If you can't leave him and need to clean him, take him to the bathroom, not downstairs. Use luke warm water to wash him down and then maybe a thorough wash in the morning. Don't look him in the eye and don't talk to him. Put him back to bed and do a proper clean up in the morning.

Have you a travel cot you could have in his room to put him in while you clean up (unless he can climb out of course!) Avoid talking and eye contact above a bare minimum. Be veeeeeerry boring! But try and stay in his room (apart from a quick clean up!) so he gets the message that throwing up is ultimately pointless as he still stays there.

Not sure a bowl would have helped with my lot - they would have emptied it out on the floor!

I would wonder if maybe there is a reason why he suddenly appears scared of going to bed.

he's only 2.... he's still so little

I am not saying give him his way. but I do think there is a middle ground

being sick doesn't give him "his way". you clean him up upstairs and put him back to bed surely?

I wonder if he is being sick because he is scared/upset rather than just doing it to "get his way"?

what happens if you stay with him upstairs while he falls asleep? does he nap in the day? is he just not tired?

thanks everyone. DP thinks he deliberately pukes, I don't think its necessarily consciously done. He isn't scared of bed so much but any unexplained noises and doesn't like being left alone. It's his age/phase. He says there are scary lights in the room. He would sleep eventually if I stayed with him but that'll just end up with one if us stuck in the bedroom for hours every night. Bathroom is downstairs which is why we take him down. He is definitely tired though - this is often after a full day running round at nursery.

it's maybe a bit of separation anxiety type stuff then?

does he sleep at nursery?
if so then perhaps he needs to drop the nap, or have it shortened?
if he doesn't, then perhaps he is getting over-tired? all 3 of my boys are hideous to get to sleep if they're too tired.

Personalyl I think if he's getting distressed when left I would sit with him. I know that's easy for me to say thouhgh!

you could do a gradual withdrawal method though, where you start sitting by the cot (no/minimal interaction with him though), and then gradually move further away until you're out of the room..? It isn't a quick fix by any means, but it's a gentler method than just leaving him, and hopefully won't end up with him being sick

thanks for the suggestions thisyesterday and everyone else, DP is upstairs with him trying that as I type. I am too soft!

overtired and separation anxiety yes, probably some of that too.