I'm worried my health is affecting my baby

[happygilmore]

This may be a garbled post as DD is due to wake up soon..

To cut a long story short, I had my DD nearly 8 months ago. She was fine but I had loads of problems after she was born - eclampsia, major PPH, infections amongst other things - and have had ongoing problems that the drs have really struggled to fix. I've been back in hospital a couple of times for these but not for a few months now.

Although it's been so long I'm still not better, and not sure why - I'm waiting for some more tests and drs can't decide if the meds I'm on might be to blame, seems it may also be a cardiac problem as I appear to have developed a heart arrythmia but this is now being controlled by meds.

I'm running on about 80% and struggling a lot of the time as I feel so crap. My DH is amazing and does so much but I find it hard as I just feel so unwell and have done for so long. I used to be quite pragmatic about how this was affecting DD - she's always been such a happy, smiley baby I thought everything would be OK (and I never thought I would still be ill 8 months later!) but now she's getting bigger I'm really worried.

I am trying to pace myself at times, and am guilty of putting her in her jumperoo etc at times when I'm sure she'd prefer to play with me. This is starting to make me feel guilty/sad etc. I know I can be a better parent than I am - not perfect but any means - but better, and she deserves that.

I'm not depressed by the way, just sad as I want more for my DD (don't we all?!). I'm not sure what I'm asking for really, no-one can see DD so can't really comment on how she is.

Maybe some reassurance? It sounds like you are doing a brilliant job despite some very difficult circumstances and that your DD is fine. She sounds like a lovely baby and at 8 months she will be perfectly happy to go in her jumperoo when you need a break! Babies don't need you to play with them all the time, otherwise they grow up into little terrors who can't amuse themselves without your input.

I really hope your medical problems get sorted soon. Please give yourself a break!

Thank you, that was quite a needy post! It's very kind of you to say, and it's not that I think I'm necessarily doing a bad job (given the circumstances) - I just don't think it's enough, if that makes sense...there's times when I can tell she's bored (we don't go out as much as I'd like, although I do try) or when she wants me, and I'm just trying to rest etc.

I think separation anxiety is setting in as well just now, and being a bit paranoid, it's worried me that she's not secure enough in her attachment to me. We went to a family do at the weekend and she wasn't herself at all, wouldn't be held by anyone else and not smiling or giggling like she is normally. I know that it's probably just a stage, but I can't help but worry.

I have been ill and was struggling for a quite a while too. And as mine were a little older there were separation issues. Ds1 would not take off his coat in my mothers house until I took mine off too in case I was leaving him there! I can relate to a lot of what you are saying but the thing is she is only a baby! She wont remember this. Its so much more important that you get yourself well and sorted so you can be up to her when she does get moving and grooving! The boys issues etc have all dissolved since I have been well again and bless them they are secure happy little munchkins. Take care and get well soon!!

I was very ill when my eldest was 1. Oh I was a mess for a long time. And I worried and worried myself stupid about how I was ruining his life. How he deserved better. Energy I wasted - could have used that to get myself well.

He's 5 now and there are no after-effects. He's great (she says utterly biased)

You just have to try to not focus on what you aren't/can't do and just smile at what you can and are doing... You love her. And she loves you. And your love for each other will evolve.

Sadly there are many babies missing love so she is already got a huge advantage in life. She has a happy home. No home is perfect and that doesn't make it less happy.

Your child doesn't look at what you can't do - they see what you give them and take it.

Enjoy her - stop fretting and you'll get better quicker than you think.

"It's not that I think I'm necessarily doing a bad job (given the circumstances) - I just don't think it's enough, if that makes sense...there's times when I can tell she's bored (we don't go out as much as I'd like, although I do try) or when she wants me, and I'm just trying to rest etc."

I think that could have been written by almost any new mum. I certainly could have written it! I went back to work when DS was 8 months, still getting over PND and still looking after him in the afternoons. He's 10 months old now and by 3pm I'm shattered and all I want to do is go to bed, while he's still bouncing around. It really is so normal and Pancakeflipper is right: what matters most is that she knows that you love her, which you obviously do.

Gosh thank you all, I cried reading these posts. It's been so tough - I never thought I'd be the best mother in the world, but I never expected to be so ill, and for so long (and with no family support, but that's another thread!).

I do feel reassured, and DD has been a bit happier today with me, so that's helped. And you're right I suppose all new mums doubt themselves at times, I need to remember that.

Thank you.