Ideas for a VERY reluctant dresser

[happypotter]

Please help. My ds is 2.4 and very strong-willed. He is usually a happy bunny as long as he is doing what he wants, when he wants but any deviation from that sets the tantrums off. All pretty usual toddler stuff I'm hoping.

The main problem at the moment is that he is refusing to take off his pjs/get dressed in the mornings. As soon as we start he starts screeching and kicking and throwing his head back. He goes bright red and completely OTT. I really struggle with this as DS is quite heavy for his age and is 'solid' and physically strong.

He used to get dressed after his breakfast so then tried getting him dressed first thing but then got the same reaction. The house isn't cold. I've tried the whole distraction/making it a game thing. I've tried trying to get him to help. We've tried him standing up and lying down. I've tried saying no and to stop but just get ignored.

He doesn't respond well to time out on the step. He would run off so I needed to sit with him on my lap while he screeched like a wild animal thrashing about, so we don't do that anymore.

It feels like it's just a battle of wills. I'm getting so fed up as somedays I just have to put him in his cot to give us both the chance to calm down. Sometimes this ends up happening four or five times. Because of his weight, I find the physical side of this exhausting. When we finally are dressed, he is absolutely fine then carries on as normal. I should add that he doesn't do this at the weekend when DH dresses him.

So what are your 'golden tips' for getting toddlers dressed?? Any any other tips for very strong-willed toddlers... When I was teaching I could quieten a class with my 'look' and rarely raised my voice and I feel like I'm failing at the whole mum thing.

Tell him that if he doesn't dress/allow you to dress him you will put him in the garden in his jamas and then DO IT! I did, with ice on the ground and after about two minutes there was a radical change of heart and not from me! Or take him to playgroup in his jamas, especially if it is cold, and don't bother with a coat ("That's OK, you don't want a silly coat do you?"). Set off nice and early as you will probably not get any further than the drive!

Don't engage in a battle of wills, you will just wear yourself out. Dump him back on that step without eye contact or comment as many times as necessary. It may take an hour or two at first but the time delay will decrease.

Read Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green as he is great and very realistic.

When you were a teacher, did you take any crap or did you do what you said you would do, following through with the threats you made as you knew it was the only way? As a fellow teacher, I would guess it was the latter! You did it then, do it now!

A friend really did go through with sending her three year old to nursery with his pyjamas on -- she arrived and just said to the teacher: "I'm sorry, Woody just wouldn't get dressed this morning."
He never did it again...

I kept my daughter in her pjs all day recently - we didn't go out, but she got fed up and went and got herself dressed eventually because I said she couldn't go out until she did. Wouldn't work if you have places to be, but if you have a quiet day looming, it could work. She has been a bit better since... still takes an hour to get her up and breakfasted in the morning though, she is so dreamy and slooooooow. argh.

Have you tried dressing him in front of the TV? It's a v good distraction! If he resists say you will count to 3 and if he's still not co-operating then turn the TV off. Gradually you can make it so that TV goes on after he's got his pants/socks on then after he's got his trousers on etc, kind of a reward (and it need only be a 5 minute Peppa or something)

It's obviously a behaviour/power thing though if he doesn't make a fuss for your DH. You need to start getting back in charge as he thinks he's got the control in this situation

I know what you mean about it being physically difficult with a big boy btw! And it doesn't get any easier so good idea to get this sorted now if you can. Let us know how you get on

Thank you for your responses. I know it is a power thing and if I don't get this sorted then the years ahead will be long ones... I feel embarrassed just saying that.

His behaviour has really improved during the last six months and he 'moves on' from his tantrums quite quickly now when he knows it's not getting him anywhere. This just seems to be the on-going one as it's the one thing we go through every day. Dr Seuss - you are right about school. Maybe I just need to raise my expectations for home...

It works for me. But read the book as I think you will find it helpful.
Good Luck!

Is He still in a cot. I use to put DD1 back in her cot saying that pjs are for bed.

I have tried various things with two children at the same age (one of whom is still like this at 3.1 yrs) sometimes they work and sometimes they don't but here they are for reference:

1. Bring out two things - two pairs of trousers or tops and say "which one do you want to wear?" when it becomes about choice sometimes they are distracted - as they are in control of what's going on (and they may genuinely have a preference...) and they just let you put it on them.

1. Count to three. Let's see if by the count of three your feet in these pants - or...(nothing) One, Two, Three (jolly as possible).

1. Leave the clothes laid out on the floor in an orderly fashion and say its a challenge for them to dress themselves and you'll close your eyes and count to 20 while they do it

1. Put them over your knee and dress them, if they are laying on their stomach there's little damage they can do to themselves or to you other than possibly shouting. A tickle does the best trick in this situation.

Its one of the most maddening times of the day for me,so you have my complete sympathy.

Yes ramblingmum, he ends up back in his cot on a regular basis!! Good job we only have to be out of the house early twice a week.

Some great ideas Bambood - why oh why have I never considered over the knee facing down?? So obvious but never even occurred to me. Will start trying the new ideas from tomorrow. Thank you.

Is he too young for a reward chart?
I don't think so but depends on the child. I have recently made charts for my 3.4 DD and 5.4 DS (not for getting dressed but for not being horrible to each other being kind and caring to each other), and did make one for getting dressed when DS was similar age.

These last ones have worked a treat - even better than I had hoped. They have an individual one for individual goodness and a joint one (see above paragraph!). They are like magic!

Good luck it's a bloody pain in the arse isn't it?!

With DS it's always Buzz Lightyear telling him to get dressed. Somehow the detachment works...(I feel like I've discovered a magic trick)

At that age I went through a stage of having to make it a game - spent a while of getting dressed to here we go round the mulberry bush- "this is the way we put on our shirt" etc or me pretending to e.g. put trousers on her head, my head, on the cat etc, till she told me what to do do properly. Didn't actually take any longer than fighting the tantrum, and at least it was (kind of) fun rather than tantrums, although to be honest I did find relentless cheerfulness in the mornings a bit draining. Also, by stoppoing it being a power battle after a month or so she started dropping it so the game bit got shorter and shorter, and she basically just got dressed.