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Original poster

First day at nursery - feeling guilty :(

21 replies

Fourleaf · 11/01/2011 11:43

DS (14 months) had his first day at his new, v nice nursery today. He is only going 1 morning a week (plus two mornings with my Mum), and today he just stayed for 2 hours to settle in. He whinged a tiny bit when I left, then was fine for 1 hour (I'm told), happily playing, then got tired, cried a bit but couldn't sleep as it was a new place but was ok... all in all (they said) it was a good first day.
BUT when I came to collect him he really cried hard and looked v. upset :(
I am feeling really guilty about him being so upset - I know I'm being a bit pathethic as it's only 1 morning but I can't help feeling that I'm doing something wrong.
Has anyone else felt like this on their DC's first day at nursery? The thing is, I don't HAVE to leave him, but am working from home for my own sanity and do enjoy it... Am actually considering stopping the whole thing but I know I should probably give him longer to settle.

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Hullygully · 11/01/2011 11:52

I am not a big nursery fan (I know others are, just my opinion), so I would think about a childminder that ds can form a strong loving r'ship with, especially as he is so young. I think older kids cope better with nurseries.

blametheparents · 11/01/2011 11:55

Give it a bit more time, nurseries can be great if you find the right one. DS enjoyed his (as far as I could tell), but still went through the initial settling in wobbles.

DS had a bad time at a childminder's. Not that I am against childminders per se, it just shows that you need to find the right nursery/childminder/childcare.

Original poster

Fourleaf · 11/01/2011 14:16

Thanks for the replies. It is actually a large childminders (basically a nursery, with several members of staff). It is a cosy, home-based setting and I am happy with it overall.
But I am starting to think that 1 session a week will not be enough for him to settle into it. Anyone have any thoughts/experiences of this?

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ommmward · 11/01/2011 16:06

How about hiring a responsible teen to come and play at your house while you do your work in another room?

brokeoven · 11/01/2011 16:10

You MUST give this more time, becuase honestly he will be fine when he has settled.

My friend actually scaled a 6 foot wall to peek at her son when she left him upset on day 2. he was giggling and pottering round playing lovely and fine. She grazed her knees when she fell to earth with a bump.

I admit to sobbing all the way home on day one, then sobbing again whe i picked him up.
Now aged 7, he wouldnt be able to tell me how his experience was at nursery! But he is a sociable little chappy so for that reason alone, he benefitted.

Dont worry, it will be fine, just persevere

knackered76 · 11/01/2011 16:17

Not used a nursery but in my experience children will often dissolve when the parent arrives having been fine up to that point. It's one of those fun things about being a parent! Mine also seem to save the best tantrums for me as well

BeerTricksPotter · 11/01/2011 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamsnet · 11/01/2011 17:20

Most kids settle and thrive in nursery.. Personally I think those who don't thrive don't because their parents don't stick it out!
But yes, I would fear that one day is too little.

Rosedee · 11/01/2011 17:55

My ds has just started nursery too for 2 afternoons a week but he has had 4 days of an hour or so there to settle in. He has officially started thismonday but I have asked for extra settling in session tomorrow which will be for 2 hours. His normal days will be Monday and Thursday.
Do they not do a few days of settling in before he started? My ds has been unsettled too but I know once he gets to know the staff and the nursery he'll be fine but it's horrible seeing them upset.

Original poster

Fourleaf · 12/01/2011 18:29

Thanks for the additional replies. Am going to stick it out for a few more weeks, but will think about him maybe doing one more session per week as am still worried one may not be enough for him to get used to it.

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busybee20 · 17/01/2011 00:16

I once worked in a nursery and decided that id never send my child to nursery until child could speak. Theres alot of info that is kept frm parents for eg how upset a child has really been, also never allwd to tell parents that child has become close to carer to the point of calling mum! And screams when that carer leaves room. Honestly if u can keep child at home then do so or send child to family. Although all carers were good with kids we all agreed that we would not want our kids to go to nursery b4 age of 2.5 or 3.

Sam001 · 20/01/2011 18:02

Hi,
I have just sent my 6 month old daughter to nursery! First day today on her own (settling in). She also cried and then slept for a very long time and then was very upset with me when I went to get her, but was smiling to me after 20 minutes.
I understand your guilt and your fear because I am going through the same thing. I am also sending her once a week only - will have to stick it out before you decide whether it's good or not. I think as long as they are not 'living' in the nursery 5 days a week, am sure it will do them heaps of good in the long run.

good luck!

Original poster

Fourleaf · 20/01/2011 18:07

Oooh busybee that has made me feel much more guilty! I have always been wary of nurseries but this place is nice and I do trust the owner. Apparently he isn't too upset but wants to be held a lot and doesn't sleep there yet...

It has really sparked seperation anxiety though - he wasn't clingy at all before and now is pretty clingy, even wanting me over DH sometimes. I am still worried about it but will give it a bit longer.

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coldtits · 20/01/2011 18:13

can you find him a childminder?

coldtits · 20/01/2011 18:15

I genuinely believe nurseries do babies no good whatsoever unless they live in a neglectful home. How can it? They have no need to socialise with other babies, what babies need is adult attention and at a 3-1 child/adult ration, they can't have much of that at nursery.

Original poster

Fourleaf · 20/01/2011 18:28

Well, it is only for one morning a week... at a very large childminders (basically a nursery, but there we are).

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Liz79 · 20/01/2011 18:30

They do do babies good in the sense most parents HAVE to work to keep a roof over their heads & food on the table. If only one parent has to work, maybe that's dwifferent

turkeyboots · 20/01/2011 18:37

The nursery we use won't take a child for less than 3 sessions (so a day and a half). Makes sense to me, as it will be a long hard settling in period when they are only there for a short time each week.

But they always cry at picking up time for a while.

coldtits · 20/01/2011 18:38

There are always childminders, which I think are better.

stressheaderic · 20/01/2011 18:45

Surprised about some of the negative comments towards nurseries on here.

My DD started nursery 3 weeks ago, she does 2 days a week, she is 11 months. So far, so brilliant. She is eating better than ever, has good regular naps there and seems happy, runs off playing with toys when we arrive. A couple of times, she has began to cry as I've walked in to collect her - like she'd just remembered I'd gone almost?
I think they do a brilliant job, the only thing I'm not so keen on is kids being there from 7.30am until 6pm. I drop DD off at 8.30 on way to work and try to get here before 4.30.

You do have to give it a chance though, no knee-jerk pulling them out just because they whinge a bit when you leave/arrive.

Maria2007loveshersleep · 20/01/2011 20:23

Childminders are not necessarily always better (depends), and also it can be very hard to find a decent childminder as they are usually oversubscribed & have long waiting lists. Or at least in my area.

Good nurseries can be wonderful, warm environments and come on, this is only for one morning a week! I would suggest you persevere. It's only normal for a little one to react negatively when there is a change in the setting he spends her day & her mother leaves. You should be worried if your DS didn't react. I would stick it out (as long as you're happy with the particular setup which you seem to be). A few wobbles are inevitable & completely normal, as separation involves sadness, and that's part of life. I repeat, it's really only a very short time of his week, and gradually he'll come to love it, I'm sure of that.

My only concern would be the one morning a week. I would consider at least 2 mornings a week in order for your DS to really have a chance to get used to the environment. Otherwise he'll start getting used to it & then a whole week will pass & he'll completely forget about it. Or alternatively, he may take to his one morning like a fish in the water, you never know.

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