DD suddenly doesnt want to go to nursery

[napoleona]

Hi, does anyone have any advice re my DD (3.9) who all of a sudden doesnt want to go to nursery (she goes 3 days a week while i work) she is getting really upset and crying. prior to this she has always loved it - she has been since 6 months old! i will try to speak to the nursery manager tonight but if anyone has any advice - maybe it could be just a phase? - would be grateful.

It sounds as if it could just be a phase - we've had them too. But, it would be worth finding out if there's anything more behind it. As you say, speaking to the nursery staff seems the first step. But, I find that my dd does sometimes come out with something which explains the problem - she only ever tells me anything very rarely and when I'm least expecting it.
Something which we did which helped get the conversation going was playing nurseries - dolls playing the different parts (eg play people or duplo dad doll, mum doll, children dolls including one who is her, the teachers). I played out our going to nursery in the morning and then them playing at nursery. Sometimes like that it jogged more stories about nursery than the dreaded questions "how was nursery today?" "what did you do?".

Sorry, when I said I played it out, I played it out until she got the idea then she took over at least partly.

thank you, good advice to 'play' it out. she is still the same, nursery staff have reassured me that she is very happy there, its just when i drop her off. i have also turned up early a couple of times and all has been well. she has little 'friends' there. i think this is just a phase, which i will have to get through!

Having a similar thing with my daughter (same age and days etc). Turns out that her 'best friend' who she adores is actually being too dominent and upsetting her. We did the role play thing to get her to talk about it and then, she walked in at 4am one morning to talk some more; JOY!(wink)
We decided to get her to stick up for herself more, then she came home with a nasty bite (drew blood) in retaliation. You have to tread so carefully but just want them to be happy. Trust your instincts.
Let me know how you get on. Its nice dropping them off safe in the knowledge that they are happy so i know how it feels when it changes. Hopefully brief stage...

I had exactly the same with my Ds at exactly the same age and like your DD he had loved it since a very early age. It came and went over a period of about 6 weeks I guess and DD also started biting his nails in that time.

The nursery were really very supportive when I raised the issue - they said that it could just as easy be a little thing (eg a favourite toy/paint brush being "dominated" by another child ) as a big thing(change in friendship dynamic such new kid on the block/sudden dislike of a child or supervisor). Ask your DD key worker for a chat and to keep an eye especially on her interactions over a week or two.

They also coaxed out of him what the issue was over three or four nursery days with gentle matter of fact conversations around the point which perhaps you or your nursery could do

In my DD case it turned out to be an over enthusiastic friend very big and larger than life(lovely really)who really liked my DS but who was too overbearing for my reserved and very tiny little chap. However, the nursery monitored it and kept exuberance in check for a while and now they are great, great pals. No more nailbiting and one very happy boy.

There will be a reason I think, but it may not be so difficult to find and hence resolve.

just an update, DD has come home with a bite mark on her arm, its bruised and tooth marks are visible. i asked her and she said she did it herself, then she said ''jane(same age)'' did it. i asked her again later and she said ''jane did it''. she didnt seem particularly upset about it. what do i do now, i am not happy but i dont want to go down there all guns blazing. they are only 3 so obviously things like this happen. i havent even told DH as he will go NUTS!

Nursery should have told you (both of mine have come home with bite marks, but both of the nurseries I have used told me before I saw the evidence. It does happen, it is virtually impossible to prevent it ever happening (DD (younger) used to bite DS despite all our efforts!) but if they aren't on the ball enough to notice and tell you, that would worry me that they are also not dealing with the issue at the time - important from the perspective of both children.

Also it doesn't necessarily mean that jane was "responsible" for the earlier reluctance to go to nursery... can happen anyway.

Definitely needs a conversation, no guns blazing about jane but perhaps a few about the nursery response?

cheers for reply. yes, my first thought was 'why didnt they tell me ?' i picked her up and had a ten minute conversation with the staff in her room and the manager! they never mentioned it. we were talking about her being brave that morning and not crying too much when i dropped her in so it was relevant, plus there were no other parents around and ''jane'' had gone home. i only noticed it at home when dd started to bite herself and then me and she said ''im going to pop my arm like jane'' is really bruised now. im glad is the weekend as i will be able to think how to approach it. im really uneasy that in a small nursery (only about eight - ten kids max each day in her room) they either didnt notice or didnt want to tell me?? DD says they told jane off but i really dont know how much i am putting words into her mouth iyswim.