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Original poster

Would you leave baby sleeping to go next door with a monitor?

53 replies

agirlcalledvicky · 10/01/2011 09:45

Hi there, was wanting to have an opinion on a dilemma. I live in a row of tiny terrace cottages and we have new neighbours that also have a baby roughly the same age as our DS (6 months). We are getting on really well with them and its nice to have like minded people with a baby so close.

At weekend they invited us round for tea, we put baby boy to bed at 7pm as usual and went next door for a meal with the baby monitor. Our BT monitor works fine through the adjoining wall and when on high sensitivity I can hear DS snoring away happily and I went back and checked on him twice.

I told my mum what we had done and she was horrified that we had left him in the house alone. Is it that bad? Would you?

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Original poster

agirlcalledvicky · 11/01/2011 10:24

Interesting - thanks for your opinions. Fairly even split I think. Not sure what we'd do next time...

OP posts:

Orissiah · 11/01/2011 11:54

I wouldn't because the time it takes for me to leg it up the stairs from our lounge to DD's room is much shorter than the time it would take to leg it from neighbour's house (terrace), through gate, faffing with front door key and lock and then up the stairs. If I heard smoke alarm or DD choking or any other noise on the monitor I would be in her room quicker if I was still in my own house.

Hullygully · 11/01/2011 11:55

I have never considered monitors particularly good company

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kerrykatonaskebab · 11/01/2011 12:04

I wouldnt. Not judging you OP, you have obviously thought it through and feel it is safe to do. My gut reaction is no, I would choose to invite them to ours or take the baby with me.

confusedperson · 11/01/2011 12:25

I would, it is like going to another room upstairs or downstairs isn't it. Let's don't be overparanoid.

sparklingsea · 11/01/2011 12:35

My gut feeling is no I wouldn't do it.

BambinoBoo · 11/01/2011 14:15

I'm with Roo83. I wouldn't do it.

ourhouse · 11/01/2011 14:27

Sorry I wouldnt do it,if something happened you would need to get there quickly,anything could happen,choking,fire,burglar etc being next door just feels wrong.

I would invite them to yours or take the baby with you.

AngelDog · 11/01/2011 20:23

Hullygully

I've done this (although only to briefly drop into a neighbour's, not to stay for any length of time).

I adjusted the monitor so it's loud enough for me to hear DS breathing. Any burglar's entrance would be noisy enough for the monitor to pick up the noise, and we have loud smoke detectors.

goingwiththeflow · 11/01/2011 20:44

yes in your situ I would esp as you are going back to check on baby..the risk is probably way less than taking your child out in the car. As a parent you know what your own setup is and your own child ( she says whilst sat downstairs with no baby monitor , relying on DS1 's light sleeping to tell me when DD2 is awake (no! honestly she will be asleep now until 1am!)
Maybe take it in turns with your neighbours and they come over next time and vice versa?
Everyones opinions differ..everyone parents differently ..my mum used to leave me as a baby to 'nip down the road to school' to pick up my brother (must have taken at least 20 mins!) but was horrfied that I left my brood in thecar whilst I paid for petrol

RealName · 11/01/2011 20:53

Sounds fine to me

Oblomov · 11/01/2011 21:06

Seems fine.
People keep talking about the risk, but what exactly is the risk ?
And when someone says 'well I wouldn't but then I'm paranoid'. Thats hardly a logical argument is it ? 'I wouldn't do it, but then I have no reasons and am totally illogical and irrational'. Yeah, thats convincing.
OP, what reasons did you mum give for being so horrified ? or was it just her gut re-action ?

Spandangle · 12/01/2011 08:49

whats a helicopter parent?

Rosedee · 12/01/2011 09:57

How is not wanting to leave your baby alone in a house being a helicopter parent? What a daft thing to say. I don't think I'd feel comfortable doing it but if your next door with monitor and you are happy to do it then I think the risk is minimal. It's entirely your choice.

Roo83 · 12/01/2011 10:30

Oblomov, by saying I'm paranoid I wasn't trying to put forward a logical and reasoned explanation! The op asked a simple enough question and I was giving a simple answer-not judging or saying she shouldn't have done it,just that I personally wouldn't. I personally follow my instincts on things, where parenting is concerned I don't see anything wrong with that

Original poster

agirlcalledvicky · 12/01/2011 16:19

My mum was horrified due to the poss fire and burglar risk as mentioned. Although I agree with Bluddymofo - I would hear the smoke alarm (outside the bedroom door) and the dog eating the burglar (in living room). I think though it was more her gut reaction as most people who wouldn't do it have.

I guess a lot of parenting decisions are made on gut instinct and there is no point in going next door for a nice meal for an hour if you're only going to be worrying the whole time. Oh and I googled helicopter parent - its an "overcautious parent" - I hadn't heard of it either .

Its interesting to hear other opinions. I think we will probably do the same again and take it in turns - in reality it will probably be only once every few weeks for an hour or so. Without sounding like a saddo its the first time I've been "out" in the evening since DS has been born!

OP posts:

AngelDog · 12/01/2011 17:37

Not a saddo at all but totally normal - DS was 9 months before I first went out in the evening. :)

ipredicttrouble · 12/01/2011 18:45

My gut instinct is no. Sorry.

Tweetinat · 12/01/2011 18:53

Interesting thread.

In the summer we spend a couple of weeks in my parents 'house' in France. Its a big house - about 25/30 rooms over 3 floors and we have dinner outside, about 100m away from the main house. The house in surrounded by walled, gardens and is basically in the middle of nowhere. No fire alarms though.

My 4 sisters (and now I) leave our DC in bed in the house while we have aperetif/dinner/digestif - from about 7pm - midnight and just listen in through monitors.

Going by the response to this thread, most of you would be very disapproving of this but to be honest, we've never thought twice about it really. Now I'm wondering if we're all a bit stupid ...

rhiannona121 · 12/01/2011 21:30

I think this is a very bad idea how could u b sure he's totally safe. Anyone could break in , an even if u heard them (over the monitor) ur baby would b alone upstairs. Don't think it's worth the risk to me however small.

Kendodd · 12/01/2011 21:33

I have and would, you're only the other side of the wall.

CharlieBoo · 12/01/2011 21:52

Wrong diddly wrong wrong for me I'm afraid. I just couldn't relax...would they leave their baby?

GingerbreadGiraffe · 12/01/2011 22:08

I wouldnt. Not worth the risk and lifetime of guilt if anyhting happened. But thats me!

An aquaintaince of a friend recently asked if she could borrow baby monitor for her 2yr old when they went on holiday.

So she can sit in the bar in the hotel and "not have to run up and down the stairs all night to check if she was ok"

I was shocked that she was going to leave a child of that age who can potentially climb out of a travel cot on her own in a room in a hotel.

Each to their own i guess.

sarahtigh · 13/01/2011 12:16

I THINK ITS FINE, you know your area and the risk of burglaries etc, most burgulars are after tv / pc not babies... even if noticed baby would not want to wake it most burgularies happen mid afternoon 2-5pm as them most people are out and are opportunistic

also regarding fire , very very few are sponataneous mostly due to things left on like cooker cigarettes candles

I think its ok, we live in a large house with thick stone walls without monitor would never hear DD upstairs when in kitchen, we are very private in country but our monitor works within 300m and so I would do gardening while she was asleep etc.

every mother is different but I think OP is ok doing it, just dont drink too much and check up occasionally, but that said once DD is asleep at 8pm I use monitor but never physically go into room to check her till she wakes at 7am, I used to when younger but stopped as it disturbed her by hall light shining in, but then i am fairly laid back

Highlander · 13/01/2011 14:28

I was encouraged to do this in canada by the HV.

Mentioned it to midwife when preggers with DC2 (back in UK at this point), and she told me of a Danish couple who were reported to SS for doing the same thing. The couple regarded it as a social norm in Denmark and refused to admit they were doing anything wrong, hence SS involvement.

if you are comfortable with it, do not tell anyone!!

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