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Original poster

Please help I'm at the end of my tether re awful bedtime issue

20 replies

sparkle1977 · 09/01/2011 21:02

I have two DS's who are 4 and 2.5. They sleep in the same double room in seperate toddler sized beds.

For at least a month now if not more we have had terrible early evenings when we put them to bed. They get up, put light on in their room, play with books/toys/whatever they can get their hands on, pull clothing from wardrobes/drawers and so on and on for about 1.5 hours at least.

Me and DH do not know else to try to put an end to this behaviour and to get them to sleep / just talk to each other from their beds.
Have tried everything, returning to bed without saying a word time after time, returning to bed combined with shouting/telling off, smacking, reward charts, denying treats the next day, denying things like TV the next day. All to no real effect.

DS's go to bed at 7pm which we don't think is too early ? We have tried taking them to a park etc to tire them out but nothing works.

Anybody got any great ideas ?

We have thought about putting them in separate rooms but think that this wouldn't stop the problem, they'd then be running between each others rooms. Plus we often have family stay from overseas so need the spare room really.

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jojo1827 · 09/01/2011 21:21

Oooo I really feel for you Sparkle, i remember those days. It sounds like you are trying all the right things as i did ie "returning to bed without saying, returning to bed combined with shouting/telling off, smacking, reward charts, denying treats the next day, denying things like TV the next day". No eye contact as well as not speaking when putting them back to bed worked.

Unfortunately, I cannot offer any more advice other than to persevere with what you are already doing, you may find it will just "click" into place and they will be straight off to sleep when they should be. It just takes time for the penny to drop with little ones.

Good luck with it

baskingseals · 09/01/2011 21:21

hope somebody comes along with some good advice - sadly I am the last person to ask as I've given up putting ds1 3 to bed and he now just falls asleep on the sofa - he is now.

the only thing I can say don't give up, they will get the message eventually. good luck

MammyG · 09/01/2011 21:28

Mine are 4 and 3 and share a room too. They also go to bed at 7pm. We had an issue with this for a while. DS2 is usually the instigator of all the shenanigans but it is DS1 who gets out to put on the light etc. I stayed outside the door for a few nights for a while until DS1 realised he couldnt turn on the light without me giving out and putting him back. By doing this too I also knew who was up to what rather than just giving out to the two of them. I dont mind them talking for a while but not up and about playing. So if DS1 was being good but DS2 was starting to kick off I would go in and promise DS1 something for the following day for being such a good boy. Not always a treat but going somewhere and doing something. Divide and conquer!! Also be sure you are threatening things you can follow thru on. Stick with it. Everyone told me to separate the boys but we hung in there and just put in the time, being really consistent etc and it worked. They bring up some toys every night which they leave on the floor and can play with in the morning. They now love sharing and play for ages in the morning too (extra bonus for us!)I take the toys away after a warning if there are any antics. Hope this helps. good luck

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drinkyourmilk · 09/01/2011 21:29

I'm an evil nanny - It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Return return return!! No talking, no eye contact - as boring as possible. I would also try seperating bedtimes - Eldest could go 1/2hr later? I would also try a reward chart (may take a couple of weeks to take effect). Its Amazing what chocolate buttons can achieve!

drinkyourmilk · 09/01/2011 21:30

Great advice from MammyG

ilythia · 09/01/2011 21:38

Seems counterproductive but I gave mine torches and new bedside tables so that they could polay in bed and told them they wree not to leave their beds.
If they did I started to remove toys. They had nothing left in their room when they got the hint, now it is creeping back but they are a lot better.
They also have a monitor on in their bedroom so we can hear what they are up to which is Not To Be Touched. That stopped a lot as they knew we could hear them (we do forget to turn it on downstairs half the time but they don't need ot know that)

DD1 wet the bed the first night so we had to clarify rules on leaving the room

WhyHavePets · 09/01/2011 21:40

When dds were this age and sharing I finally resorted to taking tea and a book up when I put them to bed. I would go through the routine and then set up camp on the landing. The second I heard a sound from them moving around I would go and put them back, again and again and again. Some nights it would take hours and would, ocassionally, end up with me shouting "BED" as soon as I heard anything (after about 11pm ) simply because it was exhausting.

However, in the end, it worked. I had to do it every single night until they really got the point that I was not going to stand for it. I had to go through the "pushing it" stage where they would take it in turns to get up or both leap up and run around then dive into bed giggling, crying, clinging etc etc. In the end not talking, no eye contact and rapid return worked but by goodness it was a long road! (can you tell I still bear the scars? )

Good luck, this stage is, IMO, one of those difficult ones that tests your parenting grit and determination!

coldtits · 09/01/2011 21:43

Doing ANYTHING about this the next day is too late. they are still babies and don't have the impulse control to stop themselves having fun (in their eyes.

When mine were this little, they shared a room. I used to take a book upstairs, and a cup of tea, and sit IN their room, shushing until they went to sleep. No eye contact, no interaction, just pushed them gently back onto the bed, and "Shhh. Sleep."

IIt took about two weeks to crack them.

MammyG · 09/01/2011 22:52

Whyhavepets Laughing at your camp on the landing. Glad Im not the only one! DH reckoned it cost us a fortune in magazines!

WhyHavePets · 09/01/2011 23:52

I think it is a right of passage really, that special neck-ache you get when sat reading, leaning your back against a wall - not to mention the numb bum from sitting on the carpet (for reference do not use a bean bag for comfort reasons, they are too noisy meaning there is no chance to slip away for a tiny glass of wine quick wee!

Coldtits, I tried staying in the room but found that mine woke too easily when I tried to leave!

WimpleOfTheBallet · 10/01/2011 00:04

Put the little one to bed before the big one. MyDDs are 6 and almost 3 and will soon be sharing...I know that if they go at the same time, they will do exactly waht you describe. I would put the little one to bed abut 45 mins before the other...story, cuddle, lights out...pull the plugs out.

Then do the bigger ones story and cuddle downtairs...then put him to bed.

This sis my plan anyway...we'll see how it goes

masuki · 10/01/2011 14:05

It is lovely to read this and know we are not alone, parenting all so hard for us right now, and DS2 just come out of cot into junior bed and all mayhem has been let loose!!!

So we are camping out upstairs with tea and book, and also trying moving DS1 to our bed until DS2 falls asleep - that is helping to calm things down too...

good luck

Emo76 · 10/01/2011 19:56

remove the light bulb and use a torch when you put them to bed/go in to check? keep the room really dark

remove toys from their room and keep in spare room to avoid distraction ?

toddlerama · 10/01/2011 20:03

Mine (2 & 3) lost a toy everytime they got up. It only took one night. I am realising now that we were extremely lucky! They have been sharing a room from 16 months and 9 weeks though, so there is no novelty factor.

Original poster

sparkle1977 · 10/01/2011 20:18

We have tried giving them torches so they can see each other etc but for a while they are ok with this then they still resort to turning the lights on.

We have also tried taking away toys but that really has no effect, they don't have favourite toys at all so they weren't bothered. Which is why biscuits and TV seems to work better on our two.

We used to put the youngest up to bed 1/2 hour earlier but he seems to be the one with the most staying power so often cavorts around until DS1 came up later. We then switched tactic and put the oldest up first as he tends to fall asleep quickest but then he started coming down and down and complaining about his younger bro not being in bed.

Tonight DH has camped out on the landing until the boys were calm etc so we have had a better night all in all.

What a bloody tedious, tear your hair out phase!!! Glad we are not the only ones.

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Pheebe · 10/01/2011 20:59

We have two ds's of similar age gap, separate rooms though but all doors stay open in our house so we have had similar problems.

I'll add to the separate bedtimes, you will need to make the younger ones bedtime special and different though.

We also use the bedtime fairy. She watches over little boys and girls when they're sleeping and if their mummy's and daddy's think they deserve a treat for going to bed/staying in bed, she delivers a note and a treat for the morning (left on pillow or somewhere convenient). We've used fruit, humzingers, chocolate coins, small toys and always a note. DS1 is 6 and still 'believes' and wants his treat.

AnaS · 15/01/2011 21:37

been reading this thread with baited breathe hoping for inspiration. i have dd2 and dd3 in same room. they are 6 and 3 and bedtimes have become a nightnare. seriously considering the 'camping on landing' approach but may try staggering bedtimes first. love the idea of bedtime fairy but not sure it'll work as dd3 freaked when tooth fairy was coming to dd2!

hidingmytrueidentity · 15/01/2011 21:39

Remove the lightbulb.

kitbit · 15/01/2011 22:20

Can you separate them? Or put the little one to bed (stay there until asleep) then put the older one to bed when the room is already dark and boring with a sleeping brother in it so no playmate( again sray until asleep)? Divide and conquer!

Beamur · 15/01/2011 22:26

I'd put the 4 yr old to bed a bit later.
My DD sometimes plays for a while (she's nearly 4 now) and I usually ignore it and she will take herself off to sleep eventually. She is a good sleeper though once she's off.
I will give her a stern - stay in bed, unless you need to use the potty - if it's a bit late, which works, but she does not have a partner in crime to encourage her!

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