rebellious teenager being egged on by xh

[hypnopombic]

Hi there. I'm at my wits end over this. My 18yr old son thinks he can do whatever he likes now that he is 18 including becoming totally inebriated and lying about where he is staying at night and not going into college. This is all bad enough but he seems to have no respect for my rules or my feelings and i have evidence that he is being egged on by my xh who seems to delight in his power to influence my son and undermine my position. My son stays with me about 2 thirds of the time. Can anyone offer any advice. I think this situation is going to be very difficult to change as my xh's hold on my son is very strong but if someone could offer some ideas on how to cope with it that would be great. Thank you

Hi hypnopombic, maybe having a gentle chat with your Son about how his behaviour is worrying you & could affect his future?

As for the becoming inebriated, this is quite normal with 18 year olds, I did it & so did all my friends, however, if he is putting himself at risk by doing this then his behaviour needs to be toned down a bit. Hopefully a lovely all-day hangover may do this for him?

It may also help to have a talk with XH if possible, remind him that although you're no longer together, you are still parents to your Son, let him know your worries about DS's behaviour.

Thanks WiiUnfit
That's reassuring and yes, i will do that. Altho all attempts at communicating my concerns to xh have backfired in that this seems to encourage him to pat my son on the back and say "you're doing a fine job son" :( So i have had to come to terms with being on my own to deal with this.

You're very welcome, sorry your attempts to chat with XH have backfired - I think XH needs a sharp shock back to reality if your Son's behaviour is getting out of hand.

There was a program on a while ago about an 18 year old who had gone away to Uni & hammered the drink, he fell off a wall & ended up with quite bad head injuries resulting in him being a completely different person, he became quite abusive to those around him, it was heartbreaking. Maybe XH needs to be reminded of the possible consequences on him egging on your Son's behaviour.

I definitely recommend the chat with DS though, maybe something along the lines of "look, I know you're 18 & if you want to drink you can, I'm just worried about you & want you to be careful & not take it too far because you're my Son & I love you"?

Of course it is important to remember though that what may seem excessive to you may not be as bad as you think.

Also, if you have any friends with DC of similar ages it may help to have a chat with them for support if nothing else. :) Best of luck hypnopombic.

Thanks WiiUnfit. That's really helpful :)