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Parenting

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Original poster

ex moving kids school for 6th time, so she can move in with boyfriend of 8 mnths

13 replies

tastetherainbow · 07/01/2011 16:27

hi there im hoping someone can give advice, this could get long....
My ex wife who i have 3 children with... she has always had history of stopping ontact despite court orders in place. She has met a man who she has only been in a relationship with for 8 months however after only 2 months she wanted baby by him, got engaged and even had cheek to ask me if he could adopt the youngest daughter as he had grown attached and she was calling her new boyfriend Dad. they broke up xmas eve and got back together boxing day and within the make up time had decided she should move into his house with him for a 'fresh start' this i feel is ridiculous!! my eldest 9yr old does not want to move schools as he has moved 6 times in 4 rys and is settled in his current situation. However word has it her new boyfriend has got the sack for stealing so has no form of income even though he has re morgaged his house, i know there plan is to have her live in his house so he can claim dss and pay his mortgage he not interested in the kids he made that clear. her side of the family are not happy with the decision she has made as the kids dont want to move but also there is somethingstarnge about this man. he has told her and myself he has locks on the living room door and kids are banned from it as it has glass furniture... he eats off paper plates and plastic cutlery as he doesnt like washing up or any mess, he is house proud but to the extreme. i then found out through my weekend contact last week that he is smacking my daughter and calling her bitch when 'mummy isnt around'. yet even though my ex knows my daughter has never lied she still sticks up for her boyfriend by calling our daughter a liar without sitting down and talking to her.. as you can imagine i am going out of my mind with worry. they have no income its his house his rules, they wont listen to kids they thinking about themselves i have phoned social services already so just wait and see what they say but i dont kno what else i can....

OP posts:

Greeninkmama · 07/01/2011 17:59

Hope somebody can come on and give you useful advice because that sounds really really hard.

IAmReallyFabNow · 07/01/2011 18:02

I would refuse to return the kids after your next contact but I am not saying that is the right thing to do.

Original poster

tastetherainbow · 07/01/2011 18:07

there have been many a times i have kept them overnight as they havent wanted to go home my ex cant really do anything as i have pr and there isnt a court order to say THEY CAN NOT sleep over....they prob is if i didnt return my son she wouldnt moan, only the daughter, my son has lived with me and my partner 3 times and its every november that it happens which we think is strange where she says hse cannot cope and if we dont have him he will go in care...etc etc.... she made out she missed him dearly and he felt he had bonded with his mum and wanted to go back so we let him however turns out she missed the child benefit money and tax credit money...... she really annoys me all 23 stone of her!!

OP posts:

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aurorastargazer · 07/01/2011 18:09

get yourself either a solicitor if you can get legal aid or get yourself down to your local citizens advice bureau. also, get yourself a diray and note down what your children say when they come back from contact with ex and keep it where your children won't find it - that way if you need to confirm dates of contact then you have it written down as an aide memoire.

i can't think of anything else at the moment but keep posting xx

insertexpletive · 07/01/2011 18:12

Sorry, I am about to post and run as have bed time to sort out.

Apart from the issue of Residence, in the short term, you could get some advice about a Prohibative Steps Order to ensure that your ex is not able to change your children's school without all-party agreement.

Will try and get back on later, but may have a battle trying to wrestle the computer off of dh.

IAmReallyFabNow · 07/01/2011 18:17

She can only dictate to you if you let her.

Original poster

tastetherainbow · 07/01/2011 18:18

thanks for the advice, ive dobe all that thats the problem i still have a solicitor but i dont use her as she even said herself i stand up for myself and beliefs in court and my ex always gets court out, the way i see it is i always tell truth i got nothing to hide. my ex gets legal aid so her stopping contact and going abck to court is like a day trip for her its a regular occurence!!! i owe £2,000 in solicitors fees and every time she stopped the contact it costed more and more, so financially i cannot afford to keep paying so i represent myself. as for fiaries i have done all of that.... i know now that someone who works along side her for her parenting classes has told her its not good idea even though they cant stop her and i have phoned social services which for the first time they dont think its just me getting one over on the ex they sounded concerned so im just hoping someone talks sense into her..
My point is this...
her relationship WILL NOT last... i know that its a guarantee her and her boyfriend are two differnet ppl and he using her to pay his mortgage beside the kids in her care are naughty... and not the tidiest of kids and this guy is extremly house proud, so we all know it wont work but i couldnt give a dam if she messes up her life its the fact i know my kids will suffer.... can you believe contact issues been going on for 4 years.....!!!! and she is moving end of this month i only got told the other day!!

OP posts:

missldi · 08/01/2011 08:59

Contact SS immediately.

TheSugarPlumFairy · 08/01/2011 16:20

get yourself to your nearest family court and request to see the judge of the day. Ask for an interim prohibited step order and explain your fears about your child being moved from school and the damage it will do to him.

If the judge will grant you the interim order they will also set a hearing date for arguments for a full order to be heard. You can then make your case either for a full PSO or a residence order to be made. You might want to ask for a CAFCASS report to be made.

You are perfectly able to represent yourself in the family court. In my experience litigants in person (LIP) often do better than those with high priced suits to represent them. Judges are bound by specific rules when dealing with LIP's and it can give you an advantage.

Your Ex may find that legal aid will not be available for her as there have been some large cuts to its budget and so far as i am aware new criteria is applied for funding requests. Private family law cases are a low priority funding wise.

I would also recommend you join or at least make contact with Families need Fathers who are a long standing and well respected charity representing the interests of non resident parents and their children. They have a load of experience in helping non resident parents in these situation and can probably hook you up with some very good advice.

Hope that helps and good luck.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 16:26

OP i am sorry your children and you are in this situation. i have no advice beyond what has already been said, but i wish you good luck with this. those poor children are having a tough time.

Original poster

tastetherainbow · 08/01/2011 21:56

just an update, she has moved already.... :( :( she hasnt even told the school yet although i think she will make effort to bring the kids to school til she finds them a new one to go but yes she has already moved and the new people have already moved into her old house even though she has lied to the local organisation that she has involved with her and kids that she was moving end of the month....

OP posts:

TheSugarPlumFairy · 08/01/2011 22:10

you can still get a PSO to stop the school move until you get residence sorted.

Get yourself down to the court on monday. your Tell the judge how many times she has moved and changed the kids school. Tell them your fears for your childs well-being. Tell them you have not been consulted nor have you consented.

Also, send a formal letter to all the schools you think she is likely to try and enrol the kids in and advise them that you have PR and at this stage you DO NOT CONSENT to your children being enrolled in that school. Send another letter to the school they are currently enrolled in telling them you have PR and you do not consent to the children's enrolment being transferred.

Tell the judge you have done this also. It shows you are being proactive and not just whinging to the court.

Doramustdie · 08/01/2011 22:18

Ss immediately. You should try to become the primary carer. My DH grew up along with his 2 sisters in exactly this scenario. Nip it in the bud. Get help. Family mediation anything as long as it's on record somewhere. You cannot do this alone.
The net result of my MIL keeping custody of DH and 2 DSIL was, DH joining the army at 16 (not the worst thing ever, pretty successful career) and both his sisters having babies at 15 and 16. Fine for one sister she has a fab partner, and they've been together 19 years now, other sister...not so great. MIL is only interested in her own happiness. Currently she is on marriage no 4 they married on Xmas eve, no invite to friends, family or grandchildren. This selfish streak is ingrained.

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