Reluctant attachment parent

[ExistentialistCat]

DD2, nearly 15 weeks, is something of a velcro baby and I've ended up being an attachment parent out of necessity. I wear her in a sling pretty much all day, EBF on demand, and co-sleep at night. This is partly to meet her needs and partly in order to be able to have some interaction with DD1, who is only 18 months old herself.

I'm not averse to having such close contact with my baby but it's getting too much for me at the moment. I depserately need to be able to put her down sometimes. I can't sleep with her in my arms (which is all she's wanted just recently - even the bedside co-sleeper won't do) and I'm exhausted. Cuddling DD1, changing her nappy or chasing her about are SO HARD with a sling on all the time and my back is killing me.

Any other reluctant APs out there? Any advice? Should I try to focus on the positives, that I'm nurturing my baby as best I can, and that she'll grow into her independence in time? Or am I creating self-perpetuating habits that need to be broken gently (if so, how?)?

hello!

I was/ am an accidental/ reluctant AP-er! Ds would not want to be put down - would even cry if I turned my baack on him when I was changing his nappy. He hated his pram and sling - cried in both until held in my arms or on breast. Wouldn't be comforted by dh. I spent the first 6 months of his life sat on the sofa bf-ing him. It was only him though so I can only imagine how hard it is for you trying to care for an 18 mo too.

We co-slept from 4 mo. I had had enough and it was the safest option - I nearly smothered him one night when I started to doze off whilst feeding him sitting up. I still have cold sweats when I think about it.

Ds is just over 2 and am still bf-ing him and I co-sleep. He usually takes his nap on me (as he is right now!) he is extremely happy and confident but a typical rowdy toddler but also loving and cuddly. dead chuffed I am!

I feel so pleased that I went the a.p route (like I had a choice!!) but noone can take that precious time from me and it did fly (although felt like it was dragging a bit at the time...)

My experience was different because I only had ds to think about. you must be exhausted!! I hope someone can come along and give you some wonderful piece of advice that works for your family x

p.s. am going to watch this thread for tips as am 12 weeks pg and wodering how I will cope!!

Thank you for your lovely post, stottie, and congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm pleased your little boy is cuddly and confident but really don't want to be co-sleeping for another 2 years myself...

Mine was like this and at 3.5 months I was beside myself. We co-slept and she used to scrabble at me in her sleep, waking me up. She fed every two hours for an hour at a time during the day, cluster-fed every evening and woke up frequently during the night.

I put her in a cot - it was really hard work because she yelled whenever I put her down. I used to pick her up each time, soothe and put down again - took ages but better than controlled crying for her. Eventually I gave her an orthodontic dummy, which had a pretty magical effect (she is very very sucky). . I didn't try swaddling, which worked brilliantly with DD2. That may well be worth a try. The other thing that is good is the Karp book - and his 5 Ss. Swaddle, place baby on Side, Sway, Shush in ear, and give Suck (with little finger). Really really brilliant.

I'm sure you've tried all these but just going to list a few that helped ds settle just in case it helps you too. Bedside cot with grobag (avoids having to put them onto cold sheets), White noise, bear that has a heartbeat sound, muslin that we'd used all day in the cot (smells of you and milk), patting his chest in a rhythmic beat and saying shh shh rather than picking him up when he cried, a plain mobile to watch whilst lay in his cot. Can't think of anything else right now and sorry if it's things you've already done

I could have written your post. In fact ds is about the same age as your dd. I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I am in exactly the same boat as you.

Ds had reflux which seems to have passed however, it has left a legacy of ds wanting to be held constantly.

It is bloody hard work. I have 3 other young dc's too and feel like I am spread very thin at the moment