TALK ME OUT OF A THIRD PLEASE

[sneakapeak]

I need sense kicked into me please.

Here is reasons why I shouldn't...

I have two beautiful kids, one of each.
DS is 3.5 and DD is 1.
Im 34, happily married (with the usual scars young children leave)!

My first PG was hellish. Very high risk/scary. Had Placenta previa, bled alot.
Lots of scans and had a long (too long) list of other issues and worries throughout.

My water broke over 3 weeks early and I poured of blood until they got me onto the operating table and delivered him by C Section.
Discovered I had Group B Strep but he was fine.

He was thankfully healthy.

Had severe reflux which nearly drove me round the bend but we survived (just).
Had awful anxiety for first year.

DD, I sailed through her PG.

Again, my waters broke over 3 weeks early with no sign of actual labour but carrying Group B strep, got IV antibiotics.

3 Day high risk Labour and birth but all fine and well in the end.
She also had severe reflux.

I developed an under active thyroid so the two combined along with a 2.5 yr old nearly drove me mad.
I suffered severe anxiety where I needed therapy and am only now starting to calm a little.

None of it is the worst that can happen and im so so lucky to have two beautiful healthy kids and I never forget that.

WHY the hell do I torture myself worrying about having a third?

My daft reasons for wanting a third....

Part of me wants a bigger family.

I love babies and small children so much and I want to hold onto them at this age forever.

I worry two isn't enough somehow.
I come from a small family and I feel a little scared sometimes.

If something happened to my mum Id have no family.

I wonder constantly who the third would look like, what gender, what different little traits they would have?
It's all very vague.

I barley cope with the two I have.

Im also 34 which isn't too bad but the risks I had all go up with age.

What I want is people with 3 (youngest at least 1) to tell me the negative side of 3!
I want to talk myself out of it and I need to hear reality instead of the rose tinted glasses I have on when thinking about big family's.

The one thing that doesn't bother me is money or foreign holidays. Neither are enough to put me off.

Sorry for the long post the inside of my head is a busy place!

sneakapeak, i could have written much of your OP.
I too have 2 DCs after 2 pretty tough pregnancies. Severe SPD with both which left me off work from about 20 weeks, incredibly uncomfortable, lots of pain, immobile, enforced early MAT leave. Pre-eclampsia too. so why am I thinking about baby names?!

DD2 is now 7 months, very gorgeous and a cracking sleeper, unlike her big sister - 3. Im just starting to feel hugely broody, prob brought on by the fact a close friend has just had a baby and another due in a couple of days.

I'm very close to being sure I dont want another. Have two gorgeous children, we're just getting back to normailty, everyone is healthy but not so wealthy and life is good.

Plannign a holiday this summer - hooray!
Going back to work - boo!

So why am i yearning for a baby bump?

...just realised that's not really helped talk you out of the third...has it?

Sorry!

Its also all very well saying money isnt a worry and isnt in the equation however, when you have 3 children in at least 2 out of school clubs then thats when you need to consider the money option. Swimming lessons say £30 a term plus you have to drag the other siblings along and that is bloody hardwork! You get home in a nervous wreck! You want a life too!!

Children want to be included and not that we have a massive pot of money but we went bowling the other evening and that cost £40 for 1.5hrs!!!! You want to get them involved with parties, groups, school trips etc and it amazes me how we are now ploughing through money like its going out of fashion!

Look at fuel prices! these children need ferrying around eventually too. So money is an important element of having children.

I always look at babies and see the future, future youngsters that need continual guidence, they arent babys for long but little people with minds of their own. Once these little tikes are past 5 they change and when toddling etc life seems so simple but its been a complete shock to me! School runs, continual feeding, planning, cleaning, after school - its bloody hardwork!

You also have to think that the more children you have, the less attention each child is going to get (it's a fact!). I think that more or less inidicates why most couples stop at two children because it's a manageable amount to cope with for most.

I have two DC and I won't lie, I have also thought of having a third DC but when I'm not watching birth related programmes and I'm having a hard day with both DC I do think I'd be utterly stupid to consider having another!!

This has really helped me loads....Do keep them coming though, im not completely cured!

I have to hear more about older children as they posts seem to be hitting a nerve with me.

I have no idea what kids of school age are like. I think when you have very small DC's you live in a bubble and think it will all be really easy when they spend 6+ hours at school but it's sounding like they get harder with some aspects.

I felt very sure yesterday after reading these that I would stick with two then I went to the In-laws for New Years Day meal.

One of my sister in-laws asked if I would have a third. I told her how id really thought I would but now realising it would all be easier if I stuck to the two I have.

Our 19 yr old Neice looked all and said "oh no are you not having the third then"?
Like it was a little baby I was sending back to the shop - sob!

I managed to pull myself together and was standing with my DD in my arms. Friend of family walked past and said in a very meaningful, wistful voice...

"Oh 'sneak', they don't stay like that, enjoy them".

That was it, I nearly crumbled! I then spent last night not able to sleep thinking about it .

I really don't want to want one - does that make sense?

Anyway, keep them coming. I did feel better when I re-read this.

those posts [blush[

Oh god I hadn't seen the last posts on page 1.

montysorry you've hit the nail on the head with me. I TOTALLY get where your neighbour was coming from and you.

I feel so scared of something happening to one of them and I think being left with one you'd just swoop down on them and live in total fear you'd be left completely childless.

Obviously folk would have to understand anxiety to understand the thinking behind that one !

Oh god, i have to go and talk my DH back into a third. I spent yesterday talking him out of another one and he didn't need much persuasion!!

we have had a few families coming to stay with us over christmas with 3. they are all brilliant families and all wanted the third and love them dearly. but the extra faff and hassle from the third just made me realise how much i know i definitely do not want another. i am past the bumbo, have to feed at this time, breastfeed whilst preparing other meals or entertaining another 2 children. nightmare. but those families are so happy and fulfilled and dont seem to notice they are'going through it all again' so it really does depend on you. but dont push yourself too far or your existing children will suffer. there is no going back. it seems to me that there are sufficient risks and coping factors for you that it might not be the right thing to have another just yet....

Am going to print this list and stick it somewhere obvious. Had 2 in 2 years but still likely to have about 10 potential childbearing years ahead of me, and DH definitely wants 3 so I'll need as much willpower as possible. Both high risk pregnancies, DD2 premature.

I have 3; 7yrs 6yrs 3yrs

Negatives
The laundry seriously, honestly NEVER ends
The big sensible car.
The logistics of supervising all that homework, hearing them all read, practicing instruments etc
The negotiations over who has the biggest bedroom and who shares and why
The cost/implications of holidays
The lack of 1-1 time
Your Will (who are you going to ask to take on 3 children if anything happened to you & DH)

But there are many many more positives. My third is a joy and a delight, he feels like the one who almost got away (DH not initially keen on idea of 3) and he is truly my gift. My family feels complete now (this is not a gender thing, I had a DD & DS first) It was just right for me and may well be for you too.