Don't know where to start really apart from saying that for a long time i have been feeling really down and not enjoying being a mummy to my 3 children. Me and hubby got married (just over 7 yrs ago) and had our eldest daughter roughly 13 mths later. I felt fine during the pregnancy and even after having her, no pd or anything. When she was 7 mths old i found out i was pregnant again, not planned and we had an idea something wasn't right witht he pregnancy. For 2 mths i did pregnancy tests which all came back negative, finally doing a gp test that came back positive but only faint. I had my misgivings about it and my initial response was that i didn't want another baby so soon, calmed down, thought about it and decided to continue with the pregnancy. The day i decided to continue i began miscarrying. This lasted roughly 3 weeks on and off before finally ending when i was 3 mths pregnant.
Hubby and me decided to try for another baby but suffered another miscarriage only 5 mths later. Later that december our youngest daughter was born. During the pregnancy i felt up and down and at one point found myself feeling rather hopeless, useless. I remember sitting on the bed with a glass of water and a handful of tablets. The only thing that stopped me was the baby i was carrying. I felt fine immediately after the birth but after a while began feeling down again. At my daughters 8 wk check up gp advised me of a pill to go onto which was flagged up as a level 3 strength, told him i'd been on a similar level before and didn't work with me that great to which i was told don't worry it is a completely different pill...... 1 mth later i ended up pregnant. Halfway through my pregnancy i had a little bit of a meltdown and sought advise from a nurse at my gp med centre. She immediately sent me to a gp who wanted to put me onto anti-depressents. I wasn't happy with the decision being 6 mths pregnant and decided to carry on coping on my own. Since our son was born i have felt like it ever since.
I feel like i'm not me anymore. I'm a mum, a wife, cook, cleaner, nurse. I thought getting a job would make me feel different, sometimes it does but other times i still feel the same way. My mood swings are terrible too, i can fly off the handle over the most stupidest of things yet other times i feel so happy to be a mummy. I love my 3 children dearly and would never harm them in any way. Sometimes i feel like getting in the car and driving away and never coming back. I take myself off into the toilet or my bedroom when i'm having a "bad" day and just sit and cry. Then i feel guilty for feeling the way i do as it's not the childrens fault, after all, they never asked to be born :(