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Not enjoying being a mummy :(

4 replies

jenlacey84 · 28/12/2010 19:22

Don't know where to start really apart from saying that for a long time i have been feeling really down and not enjoying being a mummy to my 3 children. Me and hubby got married (just over 7 yrs ago) and had our eldest daughter roughly 13 mths later. I felt fine during the pregnancy and even after having her, no pd or anything. When she was 7 mths old i found out i was pregnant again, not planned and we had an idea something wasn't right witht he pregnancy. For 2 mths i did pregnancy tests which all came back negative, finally doing a gp test that came back positive but only faint. I had my misgivings about it and my initial response was that i didn't want another baby so soon, calmed down, thought about it and decided to continue with the pregnancy. The day i decided to continue i began miscarrying. This lasted roughly 3 weeks on and off before finally ending when i was 3 mths pregnant.
Hubby and me decided to try for another baby but suffered another miscarriage only 5 mths later. Later that december our youngest daughter was born. During the pregnancy i felt up and down and at one point found myself feeling rather hopeless, useless. I remember sitting on the bed with a glass of water and a handful of tablets. The only thing that stopped me was the baby i was carrying. I felt fine immediately after the birth but after a while began feeling down again. At my daughters 8 wk check up gp advised me of a pill to go onto which was flagged up as a level 3 strength, told him i'd been on a similar level before and didn't work with me that great to which i was told don't worry it is a completely different pill...... 1 mth later i ended up pregnant. Halfway through my pregnancy i had a little bit of a meltdown and sought advise from a nurse at my gp med centre. She immediately sent me to a gp who wanted to put me onto anti-depressents. I wasn't happy with the decision being 6 mths pregnant and decided to carry on coping on my own. Since our son was born i have felt like it ever since.

I feel like i'm not me anymore. I'm a mum, a wife, cook, cleaner, nurse. I thought getting a job would make me feel different, sometimes it does but other times i still feel the same way. My mood swings are terrible too, i can fly off the handle over the most stupidest of things yet other times i feel so happy to be a mummy. I love my 3 children dearly and would never harm them in any way. Sometimes i feel like getting in the car and driving away and never coming back. I take myself off into the toilet or my bedroom when i'm having a "bad" day and just sit and cry. Then i feel guilty for feeling the way i do as it's not the childrens fault, after all, they never asked to be born :(

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Iwasthefourthwiseman · 28/12/2010 19:49

No real advice, and if you are properly depressed I'm not sure I could say anything that'd make you feel better but with two young children I daily want to drive in the car and leave for a while!

It's hard but it sounds like one of your biggest problems is lack of space and lack of a break. Can you go away for a night on your own. It won't cure your depression but it may help you reboot yourself!

Just want you to know that the way you are feeling is pretty common.

cookieraymond · 28/12/2010 21:22

sweetheart I want to give you a massive hug and tell you I'm not bloody surprised you feel the way you do. I would too if I had been through what you have. As already said, I feel pretty awful with 2kids close in age and dont know how I would cope with another.

Talk to people, ask for help, see a different GP, try not to beat yourself up so much. Bear

peppapighastakenovermylife · 28/12/2010 21:34

I am feeling particularly like this at the moment. I think it is exacerbated by the school holidays - have 3 children aged 4 and under.

I just feel like I exist for other people. They are so loud and demanding (completely normal for little people), the baby feeds all night long. Whenever I get them all asleep at once I have work issues I need to sort out or DH wants something - it just makes me want to run away screaming sometimes. Its the dependency they all have on me.

I havent been to the GP as I have had PND twice before after the older two births - this is very different - I can explain it and its not surprising I feel awful. Four hours ish sleep a night, redundancy issues, 4 year old with attitude, 2 year old toddler...very little family support.

Am currently feeling guilty because Christmas was a bit crap. We were on our own - no family or friends as they were seeing other people. Couldn't go out beccause of the ice. Everything shut. Was such hard work. They didnt stop being young children with their different needs just because it was Christmas.

I feel guilty about it because they are healthy and happy. Feel I shouldnt complain but like I am going to just drop from the pressure of it all one day. I am thoroughly exhausted.

Yesterday I popped to the shops with just the baby. Who slept. The bliss of it - no one talked to me, asked for anything, cried, tantrumed...would that be a solution for you? Can you carve out any time for yourself in anyway or go away and recharge your batteries?

People keep telling me to cherish these special moments when they are young? Erm which ones would those be? The sleep deprivation, the baby being sick on me most days? DS arguing with me, taking an age to do anything and sulking? DD lieing on the floor and chukcing things? I love them and am very grateful I have them I really am but I am so envious of DH walking out the door - or doing that male thing and managing to carve himself space. I need sleep.

Anyway sorry not much help but you seem to feel how I feel. You really are not alone.

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Zipitydoda · 28/12/2010 22:28

I think what you are feeling is very common and very understandable. You have been through a lot and young children are exhausting. Is there a way you can have some time for yourself, could your DH take over for an afternoon every weekend at least for a while so you can just be yourself for a while?

When I get like this my DH takes over and doesn't ask me what time I'll be home, what to do for the kids re food etc, I can just walk out the door and have some space for a while and it really helps. Even a couple of hours regularly when it is given willingly with no complaints (from DH) makes a difference.

Don't hesitate to see a GP to see if you might be depressed. I was before having children and no amount of 'me' time would have helped me then but taking medication for a while really got me out of a mental blackhole.

Take care and remember you are definitely not alone or at all unusual in feeling like this.

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