10 year old girl - too much too young?

[atah]

My next door neighbours daughter is 10, she is physically well developed and adult sized. She never goes out, doesn't really have any friends, is on her computer the whole time, facebook etc and is plastered in make-up. Her mum is concerned about her appearance but doesn't feel she can say no to the make-up as her DD uses good old pester-power "everyone wears it".
Since early puberty [periods started at 9] her realtionship with her mum hasn't been so good so mum tends to give in for a quiet life . She is struggling though now with her DD's withdrawn behaviour and advanced looks, please tell about your daughters at 10 - is this a problem or is this how 10 year olds are these days?

Thankfully my two teen girls were nothing like this.

I would be much more concerned about her withdrawn behaviour than the make-up. She should be playing with friends, going to cinema and park, arranging sleepovers. The make-up isn't ideal but maybe she lacks confidence and it makes her feel better about herself. It's very sad and not at all how 'most' 10 year olds are.

my 10 yr old plays with make up - but it really is playing with it (she had fluorescent pink eyes for part of yesterday). She's not allowed to wear it to school or out, with the exception of a bit of subtle glittery stuff (which I put on) for parties.

She's not allowed on facebook and I monitor which sites she does go on (club penguin and games sites mostly.

Yeah she tries the 'everyone else is allowed to do it' argument occasionally, I tell her tough - and I know she's lying anyway, lol.

So no, I don't think that is what 10 yr olds are like nowadays and like Durham I'd be more worried by her being withdrawn than anything else

My DD's are 3 and 7 months, so I can't speak from personal experience, but I do feel sorry for girls who develop so early.

Though they look and are physically adult, and so society expects them to act like one, but they are really little girls. Generally I imagine they want to be little girls, but are stopped due to their development.

I was a fairly late developer (periods didn't start till almost 16), but I remember a friend's birthday party the summer before yr. 6. We had previously been swimming and my friends mum had spread our cossies out to dry so instead of finding them around the house we went swimming again in our knickers. One girl however already had started developing and I just remember how self conscious and left out she looked as she stayed in her swimsuit, which probably wasn't helped when we then went skinny dipping :o

Personally I think a child is,and should be treated like a child, regardless of physical development. I really hope my DD's are late developers like me. As well as not being able to take teenage tantrums, stuffing my bra never hurt me, and I definitely didn't become 'body conscious' until I was about 13 or 14. .

Your neighbours DD may be down about her looks, or that she is now looking different to her friends. She could just be going through the awkward teenage hormonal stage, but as no one else is, hers is magnified iyswim.

I agree, what would worry me here are a mother who appears to be struggling to maintain normal involvement with her child and the child's withdrawal.

Do you/your DC have any relationship with the girl? Can you invite her over, would you be willing to? Maybe initially to something very low pressure like just popping over for a bit of tea, or to help look after your DC if they are younger, and maybe in the future to slightly outdoorsy things like going for a walk (do you have a dog you could ask her to walk for you?), skating, riding - stuff unlike swimming where you can be covered up and not too much interaction but still enjoying fresh air and movement?

I second maktaitai, could you invite her over for fun, normal 10 year old activities? Maybe something involving exercise to get endorphins going?

Thanks everyone, I knew I would get perspective from you.
I have tried to have a relationship with her but beyond hello, she is usually plugged into her earphones or on her laptop studiously ignoring everyone, i don't think her mum should allow such bad manners but since she does there isn't much I can say. My son is a year younger but seems half her age and she definetley regards him as babyish so wouldn't be seen dead with him
She has never been outdoorsy at all, i don't think she can ride a bike, fun normal 10 year old activities are just what she needs but she would need 10 year old friends to do them with - its a vicious circle. i suppose she could be a natural loner but it seems sad at 10.

my dd is 10, she has always been on the tall side but I would not say she is adult sized yet.

She likesto do things with her hair (notall that successfully but that started this year) but doesn't wear make-up at all. She uses the PC but she doesn't use FB.

What a shame she never goes outand mingels. Can you think of nice cheap things she could be doing with girls her age round where she lives? Maybe the whole make-up thing is due to what she watches on TV, sees on the PC?

Don't think it is usual but I am overseas so maybe I amout of touch with the UK scene. Don't know any girls that age who wear make-up (apart from playing around with it maybe at home sometime) or who use FB or don't go outand do sport/music/guides/churchy things etc.

sorry about all the tipos.

group activities is the way forward I think, in particular sport IMO.

My daughter hated sports but took to streetdance classes with a passion.

streetdance would be excellent

I doubt she is a natural loner. The problem is how addictive all these things like PC sites, FB, nintendos, TV are. You can just be plugged in all day long and not notice that you are lonely or bored etc

I think she needs to scrap all that completely and get out of the house personally but I suppose that won't happen

Her mum asked me to canvas opinion as she is concerned about her, i think she is too embarassed to ask people who know her DD such as the other mums at school, so i am going to tell her or show her how many people have said she needs to get out and join an activity, maybe she will be inspired to do it at last!

Could she join guides or stagecoach, a group along those lines?

Just something involving an activity so if she feels awkward socially, or lots of the other girls know each other there is a common interest and a distraction, other than the focus being entirely on finding friendships and 'belonging'.

She is still young and I am sure it can all be turned around still. Sport is good IMO because it gets you away from this make-up and dressing/acting beyond your age thing a bit. If you are running about a muddy hockey field, you will not probably have heavily caked on make-up on your face IYSWIM.

However if sport is not attractive to her atm, definitely look for some other group activity. If the group meets up more than once a week, I think it is even better. What was that RAF group thing someone mentioned on here once. Something like that might be good if the mum is ok with it. Can't remember now what it was called, will have a think.

thanks zen I think her mum needs to come out of her shell too if she is to help her DD

cadets

I see it is from 13. Sounds quite outdoorsy, down to earth might do her good.

Duke of E

Unfortuantely Duke of Edinborough awards are later still - from 14.

In the meantime have a look at guides. Must be a local group. Can't finda site that lists them but here is an online form to register interest. I suppose they get back to you with contact details if you don't know where guides meet locally:
form