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Parenting

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Original poster

Finding DS quite hard work

18 replies

AliceandtheGinormousBaps · 27/12/2010 17:14

sorry, as i know that so many people have actual problems.

DS is just over 4m and i am finding him really hard work. He is grumpy about 80% of the time, doesn't seem to be enjoying being BF, won't take a bottle, doesn't sleep enough - i am sure the grumpyness is due to tiredness. Sometimes there is literally nothing you can do to stop him being miserable.

He has just started having babyrice (we decided he was ready) which he loves, but as soon as you stop feeding him he has an absolute tantrum.

My DD is 3yrs and has obviously spoiled me, she slept, she ate, she was happy most of the time.

Is it just his temperment, or am i missing something?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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bellavita · 27/12/2010 18:12

Is he teething Alice? Ds1 cut his first tooth at 11 weeks.

Original poster

AliceandtheGinormousBaps · 27/12/2010 18:16

On and off a bit.

Just finding him really hard work and don't have any confidence in any descisions. Am i doing the right thing with him? should i be doing this or that?

I just remember bumbling along quite happily with DD.

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PixieOnaLeaf · 27/12/2010 18:21

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bellavita · 27/12/2010 18:22

Do you think he would benefit from another smaller meal of say mashed banana? Or some sweet veg puree? Don't forget he was a big baby too so will need filling up - I know that from my two who were whoppers.

I think you would have to be really lucky to get two children alike.

What does DH think?

PixieOnaLeaf · 27/12/2010 18:23

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bellavita · 27/12/2010 18:25

Pixie!

Original poster

AliceandtheGinormousBaps · 27/12/2010 18:26

Thank you Pixie
We only started the babyrice on christmas day and he has a teaspoon of rice mixed with breastmilk at lunch and dinner. Think i should give it a week or so before introducing an extra one - or is that not necessary?

With DD i had 2 baby books and the hv for advice, this time i have lots of mum friends and the whole of MN, but sometimes i think too many opinions can make it harder iyswim? I possibly research stuff too much?

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Original poster

AliceandtheGinormousBaps · 27/12/2010 18:28

x post Bella

DH thinks the whole weaning/sleeping/parenting thing is seriously overthought, and is amazed the human race survived at all

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PixieOnaLeaf · 27/12/2010 18:30

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Original poster

AliceandtheGinormousBaps · 27/12/2010 18:34

Thank you, will perhaps mash some banana up in his baby rice tomorrow to see if it satisfies him. He will steal a biscuit out of your hand if you are not payng attention

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peggotty · 27/12/2010 18:35

Ok, here is the unpalatable truth! He is just going to be harder work than your (easier) 1st child. This is how it was when I had ds, I also had a 3yo dd who had been a walk in the park compared with dd . Ds was just a grumpier, more frustrated baby than dd. I realised what an easy time of it I had had with dd once I had ds. However I don't think he was a paarticularly difficult baby, probably about average, but I just struggled to cope because he wasn't my 'perfect baby' dd and I also had 3yo dd to cope with. It is hard hard work and my personal experience is that nothing made it easier except time. He got better very gradually. Better when he could sit up, better again when he could cruise, better again when he could walk. He was a dream around the 18month mark, but deteriorated again around 2 (just into the average toddler tantrums, nothing major, just bloody annoying!). Now he is nearly 3, he is ok, mostly good, sometimes bloody awful but NOWHERE near as awful as a young frustrated baby!!!

Original poster

AliceandtheGinormousBaps · 27/12/2010 18:47

Pegotty - I have said to people when they have asked how DS is, that i think he is about average, but very hard compared to DD who was so easy, so sounds very similar! I found him easier for the first few weeks as he would feed (DD couldn't bf) and then sleep for a couple of hours, but we have all had various bugs (DS has had 2 colds and flu) and growth spurt after growth spurt, a week of sleeping through and being so happy and lovely, then another growth spurt which hasn't stopped yet

DD was sleeping 8hrs straight a night every night by 3wks, DS is over 4m and has managed 5 nights of that, so i know he is capable, which somehow makes it worse and it must be something i'm doing.

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Aranea · 27/12/2010 18:54

Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that because your baby has slept through the night in the past, they ought to be doing it every night and would be doing so if you were only getting it right.

It isn't your fault. Some babies sleep well, some don't. You will find it much easier to cope with the lack of sleep if you can manage not to blame yourself (or your baby) for it.

And I think it's true that second babies can seem much harder. My dd2 certainly did. But by about 6 months she was an absolute delight. I hope things improve soon for you.

peggotty · 27/12/2010 18:55

How strange! I also bf ds but not dd! She was sleeping through by 3 months but I think ds was a year before he reliably slept through!! Honestly, it is NOT anything you are doing which is 'wrong', he is just different. Some babies just take longer to be able to sleep all night. I made the mistake of constantly comparing ds to dd, but really if I had done everything the same as I did with dd I am convinced ds would have been no easier. Unfortunately I also developed PND with ds so just be on the alert for that yourself - I just tied myself up in knots with thinking I was doing everything wrong with ds. Be kind to yourself, it really really will get better, but there is no epiphany or magic cure, it's often just a very gradual thing.

zippy539 · 27/12/2010 18:55

Here's my tuppence-worth. If you have exhausted all the obvious possibilities - that he's hungry, over-tired etc then you might have to accept that he's a grumpy one. DD (my youngest) was happy as Larry from the word go, DS - her older brother - was a mare for an entire year. Grumpy for no apparent reason, generally highly strung, loads of tears. He was my first so I thought it was 'normal' but bloody hard work. On a positive note DS underwent a complete personality transplant when he turned one and is now a delightful, happy, laid-back character.

Definitely worth following up the hunger route - follow your instincts - they're right! :)

Original poster

AliceandtheGinormousBaps · 27/12/2010 19:03

Thank you all so much, it really does help.

The stupid thing is that i am really laid back generally, but lack of sleep and i struggle to cope!

More positive thinking needed. It is only a phase, it is only a phase, it is only a phase.

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arentfanny · 27/12/2010 19:18

4 months is classic growth spurt time, I would up if you can feeds.

DS was hideous compared to DD.

Original poster

AliceandtheGinormousBaps · 27/12/2010 19:44

Hey Fanny
Have tried offering more BF but during the day he gets easily distracted, so it can be a struggle and he won't take a bottle The nights are all a blur. Even his naps have got shorter. Trying to get him to have a better nap in the afternoon, in the hope he will be more awake during the evening and feed better. We will see....

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