going back to uni after stillborn

[slinkstah]

shall i go back to uni for my 3rd year or shall i take a year out ?
i had a stillborn daughter in may and have been thinking about taking a year out to sort my head out. i cannot afford to go pt but i do not know whether i can cope with the work load ft.
if i take a year out and go back next year i will be all alone and have no friends to help me along the course

need advise desperatly as if i am onna go back i need to enrole monday eek

Sorry to hear about your baby. I've never been in the situation but maybe going back now would give you something to focus on and aim for?

I haven't been through what you're going through but would say that having friends on the course with you is really important, I know it helped me get through, what course are you doing? I'm very sorry for your loss.

Slinkstah, so sorry to hear about your baby, what a terrible time you must be gowing through - I really can't imagine, but I hope you've got friends and family who are strong for you. Maybe going back now does seem too much to take on, but at least you'll have your friends there, who know what you've been through and can help and support you. Only you know yourself and what you can cope with, I wish you all the luck in the world, take care of yourself

Oops, sorry for the 'w' in gowing, don't know where that came from!!

Sorry for your loss. I know it's not comparable but I had a breakdown between my second and third years and was in psychiatric care. I was very undecided about whether to do the final year or put it off for a year. I did my final year and I think if I hadn't, I would have regretted it a lot. Having familiar surroundings and people helped me on the road to recovery, and I didn't 'lose' a year. If it proves too much, you can always leave mid-term and try again the following year. Take each week as it comes. Good luck.

so sorry, cant imagine what you are going through.

are you sure you cant afford part time? i did part time for a while and still got some loan and fees were exactly halved. the uni finance dept might be able to help or poss the student union? i think you really need to speak to the person in charge of the course or at least someone at uni

i know people who started in 2nd year so missed out 1st year altogether. they still made friends, so try not to worry about that. also if you keep in touch with the friends you did have you can get tips!

slinkstah, I am so sorry your baby died. Can I suggest that if you have not already been put in touch with them, you contact SANDS , who might have some advice or support to offer a bereaved student mum. They keep a register of circumstances and might know of someone who has faced the same decisions you now have, and might have some tips.
You are right to think of what you will miss from your year group though - I had a friend who had to redo her final year because of ME and she missed the rest of her friends so badly.

Sorry to hear of your loss. When I was at uni I had to take a year out after I missed so much whilst having glandular fever, this was the third year of a five year course so the group I joined in with already new each other for 2 years so I never really clicked with them slightly spoiling the remainder of my time. Obviuosly this isn't the only factor you have to consider, but I think good friendships will help carry you through.

you are all right - i do not think i ould do uni without my friends, it sounds stupid but they are the only ones that spur you on at assignment time and we help each other out too ;)

it's such a big decision and i have left it so late, my son is badly bahaved and has tempers still he is 8 ! and my daughter needs to learn to read this year as she is really behind. but maybe i will go down to the LEA on monday and beg them to give me some sort of letter to say they will pay for my fees and see if i can enrole with that.

Oh huni, Im so sorry for your loss, I really am. Its good that your thinking about your future though, maybe studying will help ease the pain as you will be concerntrating on other things. Dont do it though if you are not ready. You can make new friends next year.

Hi,

I am sorry to hear of your loss. I lots my son at 19 weeks into the pg 6 years ago.

Going back would be good for you but it also depends on what type of course?

When I did my access to nursing I heard things that made me just want to shout at people because I felt they didnt understand things and how could they have an opinion of something if they had never been through it... In the end I realised it was just that, their opinion based on their medical judgement...

im so sorry for your loss charmed

i have been down to the LEA today and applied for funding, i am gong to go to the uni tommorrow and enrole but theres a chance they wont let me because i have no financial notification to say the LEA are gonna pay my fees. i am gonna ask them anyway.

i am so scared now i have made the first step if they let me enrole i will be doing classes tommorrow in the same classrooms as i was in when i was happily pregnant feeling my baby kick etc. there are also going to be alot of people asking questions which i do not know how to deal with very well - well apart from screaming baby died at them, which isn't a great way of handling it.

im so worried of the stress too its a very hard course and i will have hefty assignments to complete. in fact 7 assignments all with different parts and deadlines - and all to do in 14 weeks. oh crickey i do not think i can do it! im not good with stress.

i guess ill try it out and if i can't cope i will go to plan b.

Hi Hun,

I got my letter from the LEA on Saturday saying the loan & grant part of my money should have been paid into my bank account on fri but guess what?? I am still waiting lol...

So what course was it you were doing? They should let you start as the funding doesn't normally have to start to be paid until 01.11.05 which should give the LEA enough time to sort out an assessment for you?

You can complete an online application for your fees and loan/grant etc at

student finance direct

if you need any help at all please feel free to shout

sorry didn't read your post properly as you have said that you have applied for the funding... It took them 2 weeks to sort mine out so not long... If you talk to the welfare woman at the Uni/college she should be able to help as well... They also have hardship funds and a bridging loan things like that

wow its interesteing to know that they don't need the fees until november that gives some time. im sure there will be no problem with enroling me then. I am ok to wait for my loan as get child tax credits.
my course is a computer degree- i must have been mad to think i could go straight into a degre in the subject, but up to when my baby was born i was getting 1sts for assignments - but i had no life! not even a coffee morning with some other mums.

what is your course- was it nursing?

Hi hun,

I did an access to nursing and midwifery from sept 2004 - June 2005 but due to health reasons (I have Lupus (SLE) and hughes syndrome and osteoporosis phew lol) my career path has now changed and I am doing a BA (HONS) in Applied Social Sciences and hoping to get a 1st lol...

I am like you and sometimes think very bad of myself and am always negative about it and think I wont get it done in time or am not good enough to do things.. Perhaps it stems from losing our babies? Can I ask if you were term? do you have a reason for your baby being born sleeping?

I tell you what.. If we both stick this out and lean on each other when times get hard then I think we can do this

I am pretty good with IT and hubby is a computer whizz with the tech side (runs quite a few websites and builds them) so we can help you in that way (hopefully lol)... Do you know anything about sociology, psychology or criminal justice studies lol.... that is what I am up againt in this and next semester lol...

my email if you ever need to talk is (Hope I am allowed to give it lol):

[email protected]

Lots of love
Mel
xxxx

well i went to uni and enrolled it was all ok, i had 2 classes which were well boring a hell to be honest, but gave me a scarey insight as to what i will be doing in this semester.

sorry to say i know nothing about social science, i don't really know that much about computing actually lol your sublects this semester sound quite interesting though. i am doing application development for internet. security(hacking), pattern design(making fractals with java programming) i have no idea on any of them yet but i guess in 14 weeks i will be an expert.

about my baby, she was stillborn because i went into preterm labour at 23 weeks. drs stitched my cervix to try and stop it opening but it was too late as labour continued and eventually waters broke. They said it was an infection like BV but after i found out that tests showed normal flora down there. i think maybe there was an infection inside somewhere but i think the drs were confused, they tried to explain at my 6 week check saying i had got a UTI but i questioned them furthur asking why no protein or anything etc had shown up in my urine. they then changed their minds and told me it was an infection of the membranes. i don't trust the drs/midwives i felt like a complete burden. i have horrific stories of how i was treated in hospital which just added to the pain of losing my baby.
Because of the policy that they only attempt to resusitate babies from 24 weeks they would not attemp anything. i tried everything i could think of to give my baby a chance and did not care whether there was a high chance of her having cerebal palsy, i just wanted to give her a chance of life. i rang private doctors and offered them money etc but nothing worked
They said she was dead when she was born but she was trying to breath so i think she had only just died, and i think that was because of the cord wrapped around her.- crickey sorry if thats all tmi.

anyways about uni i probabley would have missed it if i had had a year out. it was great seeing my friends today and having a sneaky pint between lectures

what happened with your stillborn baby? have you had more children since? I was ttc before decided that i was going to go back to uni so if i am pg this month i will have to rethink my plans, i do not feel pg though and this was the first month of trying so its unlikely. i have a week to go before i expect af so we shall see.

well i have wrote an essay sorry i enjoyed it though.

hi,

You had the same symptoms as me whe I lost Jack. I had really bad pains for 2 days and they said it was a urine infection and gave me antibiotics. I went to the toilet and there was blood so rang the dr's who said go to bed and if it hasnt stopped in an hour ring them. On the way to bed my waters went...

I went into hospital and 2 days later my contractions started and Jack was born silent at 19 weeks on 19.08.99

A reason was never found then but 8 months later I had my daughter at 25 weeks. We are very lucky that she is still with us 5 year later..

They found out I had an illness called Lupus (SLE) and also hughes syndrome (APS - anti phospholipid syndrome)..

You can find out more about these illness here:

www.lupus.org.uk

www.hughes-syndrome.org

Mel

having really got any advisce, but just wanted to send my sympathies and let you know im thinking of you and hope things go well for you in the future.