Newbie Help

[Mum3boys]

Hi
I have been searching the net for somewhere to come, hoping to find people people who feel the same as me.
I am a single mum to 3 boys, my eldest is almost 22 and has flown the nest, my other two are 5 and 6. They are lovely boys, most of the time but days like today make me wonder why I wanted children. I feel ashamed typing that but I am at the end of my tether. They are both in bed while I sit here tears streaming down my face, feeling guilty for shouting at them. I have apologised and they have apologised and we have cuddled but I feel so alone. I have been ill for a couple of months now, firstly with my back which has meant 6 weeks off work and I have been unable to do much and now I am just starting to recover from swine flu (Diagnosed by my Doctor, not me!) That in itself has to be the worst flu I have ever had and I feel so weak and tired, so I suppose part of my mood is down to still feeling ill.
I love my boys so very much, I really do. Does anyone else get so cross sometimes they could scream? Does anyone else shout so loud then feel so awful afterwards? Does anyone else have moments where they wonder why the hell they bothered? Am I really such a bad mum for feeling these things? I feel like I am. How can I be one of these calm collected mums who never have a hair out of place, never raise their voice and have endless time and energy for their children? x

Welcome

I have been a single mum for 22 yrs.. Have DS1 (22yrs) and DS2 (12yrs).My god i've gone mad at them sometimes!When DS1 was little, i was in the middle of doing something, phone rang,Ggrrr- he was in the way and as i pushed past he fell through a glass door! i kid you not,he was fine by the way,..i was mortified.. does he remember now? No! So, Please don't think you are the only one!

Be kinder to yourself,you've been really ill, and you're doing bloody well just to function!
A bit of shouting really isn't going to scar them for life, and it's pretty normal in the majority of households.

Do you have anyone who could have the DCs tomorrow, Could they go to a friends for a bit?- just to give you a breather,and some time to yourself?

P.S You may get more advice if you post this thread in the 'lone parents' section.. x

I feel extreme anger often and I am not even doing this alone. I think you are being too hard on yourself.

I bet those calm collected mothers you mention also shout at their kids sometimes. And I expect you look exactly the same as those mothers when you are out and about with your children.

Flu is well known for making people feel emotionally wobbly afterwards. you should give yourself a break and think about all the things you are doing right

Mum3boys just wanted to send you a ((((hug))))

Thank you for answering and for the kind words. I spent last night beating myself up and still feel guilty this morning, especially as they got themselves up and the 6 year made Nutella sandwiches for their breakfast so Mummy could have a rest. They are now playing happily together while I have a cup of tea. My mum is coming to pick them up later so I will have a few hours of peace. I can see that I am not the only one to feel so hopeless.........it helps just knowing that others feel the same and react the same as me. Thank you for taking the time to read my post, love to you all xxx

your boys sound fabulous tbh, you should congratulate yourself on doing a good job. Hope you enjoy your peace and quiet later.

thank you - they really are not bad boys they just grate on my nerves sometimes lol. My 6 year old has asked me when he can learn to make me a special cup of tea, I think I will wait a bit for that!! I was an only child so never had the sibling argument thing (which is probably why my parents stopped at me!) There is only 13 months between them and although they are great mates, they argue so bad bless them xx

My 2 argue lots too ,always have-there's 9 years between them!Think it's pretty inevitable regardless of what age gap there is, think the trick is to be able to switch off from it,for a bit, when you need to..

That isn't meant to belittle your Gggrrr ness, i use the cup of tea in the porch method myself...and deep breaths (expect i'll hyperventilate one day)

Are you feeling a bit better today, fluwise?

Hope so x

Hi Jellykat

I am still feeling pretty crap to be honest. Dr now says I have post viral syndrome and it will take a while to feel right again, on a positive note I could still be feeling like I was a week ago so I guess it's small steps to getting better. It's now the boys who have both come down with chickenpox!! It never rains lol Bless them, I have renamed them Itchy & Scratchy........they both had a really restless night last night so today we are all pooped and having a pyjama day. They are unusually quite which is good for my throbbing head I have to say. Thank goodness for DVD's and PS3's!

Perhaps you should keep some paper bags in your porch, just in case!

xx