Does anyone tell their children Santa doesn't exist?

[Rebecca41]

I was brought up to not believe in Santa. My Mum felt strongly that it was wrong to lie to your children. She also thought we might be scared of the idea of a strange man coming into the house at night. I don't remember feeling that I missed out in any way, but of course we all just accept what we're brought up with don't we, because we don't know any different.

DS1 is 5. I have been told in no uncertain terms by my friends that I HAVE to let him believe in Santa. Apparently it makes it magical. Also, people have made it clear that if my DS spills the beans at school I will be a social outcast, and will have to move away!

So I have gone along with it, but something still doesn't feel quite right. DS is a very logical child, very bright, and also asks lots of questions. Tonight he spoke so ernestly about how hard it must be for Santa to get to all the children, how tired poor Santa must be etc. He's also very anxious that he shouldn't wake when Santa is here, as he's heard that he won't get any presents if that happens.

I'm sure I'll be slated for this, but I can't help feeling uneasy about it all. It doesn't feel magical. It just feels like a big fat lie.

Anyone else feel like this?

Not really, children live in a world of make believe.. Why take away this magical stage which let's face it is so short anyway.

I'm not that keen either. Haven't said a lot either way. We do the traditions but I don't think either of my dc actually think a man in red comes down the chimney.

My friends dad always told he ge didn't exist. But unlike you ze really felt she missed out on something and gets really into it forcher own children.

I don't see it as lies. It's part of your imagination. I see it as a story. I love stories and don't read books saying but that's not true every few minutes. I don't remember some terrible moment when I realised he didn't exist or anthing either.

You need to do what you feel happy with.

Since you asked, I have no patience with the argument that FC is lying to children. It massively misses the point and is a rather pompous attitude to take. Children are 'lied to' all the time. Adults are lied to all the time (yes that dress looks lovely on you). You are in for a long hard ride if you are intent on telling your child the absolute truth at every single turn and it's not automatically in their best interests.

But, he's your child, you do whatever you're happy with, it's none of my business.

Thank you for the replies. It's interesting to hear people's views - and, in the case of RockinRobinBird, expressed in true blunt-to-the-point-of-rudness MN style!

Food for thought...

Rudeness of course, not rudness. Present-wrapping dulling my brain.

I think whether or not it is lying depends on the child - if your child is happy to "live in a world of make believe" then I don't think telling them about Santa is lying - many (most?) children seem happy to have three categories of true/make believe/not true so they are quite prepared to half-believe in Santa and not feel that they've been lied to when they find out otherwise.

But if you have a very literal child who wants to know exactly how it all happens, and is bothered by whether things are true or made-up then I think it can be lying to tell them about Santa, certainly if you tell them in a way which "explains" everything, as then they will struggle with it, and possibly feel that you were lying.

So - I don't think parents who do Santa are lying, but I equally think each parent has to decide what is appropriate for their own child.

If you do tell him at 5 though, make sure you also tell him not to let on to other children who are happy to believe it for now.

DS was very literal like that, and we told him that Santa was made-up by about 5 or 6, as he was really bothered to know for sure, and didn't like the idea of someone sneaking into the house etc.

DD 'believes' in Santa BUT...
she also 'believes' in fairies and anything else she reads in a book. She is intelligent enough to realise that they are all just stories but finds it very exciting to play along with the game.

Am a a bad mum? No, I don't think so. I also don't like the idea of lying to her at such a young age. But I also think this 'belief' in stories is something she can enjoy for many years beyond the average childs real belief in Santa. Let's face it, they all seem to sus it by about the age of 5 anyway.

We all see it as a story & a game - that's what it is! I don't think DD will be scarred for life because of it.

BTW - DD also worked out the connection between the Narnia stories & God at age 6 which I think she wouldn't have enjoyed without this knowledge of stories being stories.

Keep Santa where he belongs - in books & movies!!!

I think people give this FAR too much thought. For God's sake, they are children. The world is cruel and tiring and harsh. They will find this out soon enough.

My parents had the most amazing FC fantasy going on for years, involve angels and fairies and all sorts...yet to this day I don't remember how or when I found out he wasn't real, nor I am scarred for life by believing in him as fervently as I did.

My childhood was magical and fantastic, full of lots of make believe and tooth-fairies and Father Christmas. I count myself fortunate and have wonderful, cherished memories.

On the other hand, as some other posters say, follow your instincts. If you're really uncomfortable with this then don't do it! I doubt your DCs will be scarred for life either and I'm sure you will create just as many happy memories with or without FC!

We've always said it's a fairy story that some people believe in. We said the same about the nativity etc. It's up to children to choose whether or not to believe. We took them both to see Father Christmas and they liked it and said it was 'like being in a show' (DD, 4 is a big musicals fan).

OMG I can't imagine if I hadn't had that magic as a child.
It still makes me feel really excited at xmas and im 34.

The reason we have all carried this tradition for years is because of the magic it creates and the memory's it has left us with.

I felt like a 7 yr old girl again this year lying in bed with my DS (3.5) on xmas eve trying to listen out for santa's bells.

Yes OP, you don't know what you've missed and thats a good thing for you.

I don't know anyone who needed counselling after realising around 9 years old that Santa isn't true .

It helps young children to use their imagination and adults to find magic in xmas all over again!

I'm with the OP here. Really don't see Santa as being magical at all. I see him as a Cocacola invention that has gone too far.

We have just had a brilliant magical Christmas. Yes the kids got stockings (put in the living room not the bedroom) and we put out a mince pie for Santa, but the kids know that it is just pretend.

I personally think Santa is a Git. He brings all the best presents to the rich kids down the street who have been badly behaved all year, whilst the poor kids in orphanages across the world have to make do with a shoebox.

I think if Santa is the only magical thing about your Christmas, then you've kind off missed the point of Christmas anyway.

Eye roll.