Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

how do you deal with a relatives/friends who have everything so young?

17 replies

myermay · 24/12/2010 19:29

Ok, i know it's the season to be jolly, but....how do you explain things to your children about material things that others have but you don't feel the time is right for them without sounding a meany.

For example, their cousins who are 12 & 7 are coming to stay this christmas and i've just found out they've both got i phone for christmas, now i can understand the older one having one but a 7 year old , plus they have ds's, wii, xbox 360,tv, laptop in room the list goes on. My 7 year old comes back from their house saying i want thoses things. I'm happy for a ds & wii, but think that if they have all those expensive things now, what do they have to look forward too? Lots of my ds friends who are 7 or 8 are getting i pod touches for christmas, i thought these were aimed at 12-14 year old type kids, or am i just hideiously out of touch with it all?

Sorry not a bah humbug but just want my kids to stay kids for as long as possible!
merry christmas everyone

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

pippop1 · 24/12/2010 19:37

Just say that everybody's parents make different choices. Some people spend their money on holidays, some on cars and some on other things. Emphasise that it doesn't mean that their parents love them more than you love your children.

We didn't allow Xbox, computer or TV in their rooms but only in family areas so all could share (and be monitored of course). bedrooms should be a place for sleep and books in my opinion.

fattybum · 24/12/2010 19:58

i really think kids are spoilt nowadays. It seems they ask for something and they get it, regardless of cost. My dss are only 4.6 and 2.4 so not too bothered at the moment, but i can see them being envious soon. I think you just have to be honest with them about your reasons and eventually they will understand.

Fennel · 24/12/2010 20:08

My dc get extended discussions on consumerism, and how the manufacturers want us to be endlessly dissatisfied with last year's models and want new things. They do get it, that 2 years ago everyone desperately wanted dss, and last year it was all wiis. and next year it'll be the next new games console.

and we make friends with people who feel the same which helps, so we do know quite a few families where the children don't have lots of the latest gadgets. So mine aren't the only children they know without everything.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Clary · 24/12/2010 20:11

Yes I agree re iphones and ipods. I think that's a real treat to get when you are 11/12/13 (not that 11yo DS has asked for one).

Very odd giving a 7yo any kind of phone, let alone one that costs a lot of money (don't they? I don't really know as I have an unbreakable Nokia phone that makes the kids at school (secondary) LOL )

SkyBluePearl · 24/12/2010 20:15

Just tell it like it is - that as parents you have decided he is too young to all the same equipment and it's not healthy to spend hours and hours having screen time. If you google there are studies to show that large amounts are screen time are linked to higher blood pressure, lower levels of physical activity, attention problems, probems with psychological well being etc ...

Original poster

myermay · 24/12/2010 20:20

phew glad i'm not the only the one. I just don't see what a child under 11 could possibly want a mobile phone for, unless parents are split up, and keeps them all in touch. I just think what do they get when they are senior school age if they get it all so young?
But like dh says, it's because they don't know what else to get them as they have so much already, so every year they are trying to get one better.

Poppop 1, i like your explanation, i will use it if he starts about a tv/phone.

Thanks all

OP posts:

FrostyAndSlippery · 24/12/2010 20:34

Totally empathise with this issue.

Not with my own DCs but with DH's older DCs. Their mum is the opposite to us, always buying Stuff and in debt over it (she left DH with thousands owed on catalogues) and we just don't care about material things.

We try to explain to them that we don't want to pay for things we can't afford but it's anathema to them. Things like "why don't you get sky it's only £30 a month" "errrm because we don't want it..." "get a loan then"

Not their fault though. And it's a minefield as I don't want to crticise their mum in front of them.

dikkertjedap · 25/12/2010 00:14

I think that when dc are young it is a really important time to already start teaching appropriate financial behaviour, i.e. living within your means, not getting into debt, saving up for things you really want instead of just buying things. We do explain to dd (almost 5) that we cannot afford certain things and that we do not want to have loans, we have explained when she plays shop what it means not having the money and still buying things and then having to pay a lot more later. For parents who can afford it without getting into debt I still think it is important to show restraint just to teach their children as it is an important life skill. Look at the mess the UK economy is in now, it will be our children and our grandchildren paying for this mess ... so they will need to have very good financial skills, much better than we probably ever had. Not fair, but simply essential.

Blackletterday · 25/12/2010 00:48

Luckily my niece/nephew live far away. They are both utterly spoiled pfb's. Not so bad as the iphone thing for a 7yo though .

My sis imo is mental, her dd is 10 and fair enough is heavily into dancing, but spray tans and £200 scrapsoflycra costumes to me is utterly mad. The pictures of her at competitions freak me out, she is probably wearing more make up than I have worn in my life combined.

I just smile and nod, my sister is very shallow and competitive. We once visited when dd was 5, all she went on about the whole time was the fact she could read well . She even tested her by getting her to read shop signs etc (was quite proud of dd for getting pharmacy lol). She was all gushing praise, but I know inside she was hoiking her bosoms that her precious dd couldn't read as well.

onceamai · 25/12/2010 04:43

Ridiculous - utterly ridiculous. My 16 yo (as of today) is getting a Blackberry as a combined Xmas present from us and both sets of grandparents. DD was given the "house mobile" previously used by the au-pair when she was 11.

pippop1 · 25/12/2010 17:54

We always say that we are happy to buy stuff connected with your education, e.g. a computer for homework, but that other things are optional.

Then we say that when you are grown up you can make your own decisions about what you buy for your children. Unfortunately for you we have decided this.

Hulababy · 25/12/2010 18:36

My 8y DD has many of the things other might thing are to much forher age - netbook, iTouch, DS, video camera, digital camera, etc.

However she doesn't have a phone and no TV in her room.

Her friends vary in what they have. Some have phones and TVs of their own. Some have electircal gadgets like DD, some don't.

DD knows that we all make different decisions in how we spend our money and what we feel are right or appropriate at any one time, for our family. She has always been happy with that.

FWIW - imo a child doesn't become spoilt just because they have things. Being spoilt is all down to manners, behaviours, expectations, attitudes - not the possessions one have.

Roo83 · 26/12/2010 08:26

Agree with hulababy that it's what you do all year that spoils a child, not presents at Xmas. I think there will always be somebodys child that has something yours doesn't/isn't allowed so they have to learn to deal with it. I'd want my ds to have a phone as soon as he starts playing out on his own,but that's a long way off yet!

stnikkilarse1978 · 26/12/2010 08:42

We got DD a second hand itouch for xmas. I was very unsure about it as she is only 6 but she is an expert at playing with my iphone and the touch literally has a couple of games on it (Angry Birds etc). We also got a protective case that is strong enough to withstand being dropped, getting a bit wet etc.

www.otterbox.com/ipod-touch-2nd-and-3rd-generation-cases/ipod-touch-2nd-and-3rd-generation-cases,default,sc.html

Anyway I agree with hulababy. My kids only get toys etc from us for xmas and birthdays.

pagwatch · 26/12/2010 09:13

I would agree with everyone else here.
Teach your children about budget, living within your means and making choices based on your own beliefs about what is appropriate.

I would also add to that though that it may be wise to temper comments about brattish pubs and horribly spoilt children.

We have quite a lot of money but my children are not spoilt. Ds1 got a phone before his 10th birthday (the school insisted that he had to have one to use the school transport as he was underage. He also had a flash party. One of his friends turned up with no present. Ds1didn't actually even notice and wouldn't have cared if he had.
One of the other boys commented though and this child threw a £5 note at ds1 saying something along the lines of "not that you need it you spoilt wanker"

I always felt that as ds1 didn't have anymore stuff at school than any of the other boys this stuff came from home. His mother was always pretty rude to me too without any cause.
I just thought it was sad.

pippop1 · 26/12/2010 16:53

That is sad. Some people are naturally jealous and it's best to ignore it if possible. Another lesson for your ds to learn I suppose Pagwatch.

lovelyopaque · 29/12/2010 15:45

I just say "no, we don't feel it's right for them to have those things yet, and we prefer them to do other things at the moment." They whinge for a while and then move on and the whole confrontation is never as bad as you think it will be. I think you have to trust your own instincts about what you want them to have, and stick with it.

Flip