DD not an "easy" baby

[PassionKissUnderTheMistletoe]

DD is eight months old today and I absolutely adore her - but she has never been like other people's babies seem to be. She has never slept well (still waking every hour on a bad night), she has never napped for more than about 20mins at a time, she has never been content to lie on her back and gurgle. She was desperate to sit up from the day she was born and as soon as she could sit, she wanted to stand. She learnt to crawl a few weeks ago. She cries if I leave the room, she cries if handed to anyone else (including DH most of the time). She is still BF and wants it every couple of hours.

I love her to bits but TBH I'm exhausted what with the lack of sleep at night, the lack of naps, and having to constantly entertain her all the time.

Phew! Sorry for long post. Just wondered, did/does anyone else have a baby like this? Because I seem to only ever come across the chilled out ones in real life!

My DD2 was like this. At about 2 1/2 years when I stopped breastfeeding she became easier. Now is a very easy going child.

Thanks going. Hmm, I sometimes think breastfeeding is one of the reasons that I'm so knackered. And I suppose breastfed babies are quite clingy to their mummies (?). Oh well, you give me hope that she will be an easy going toddler!

DD was EXACTLY like this...at only a few weeks old she used to lift her head up to see over the cover of the pram, cried if with anyone but me, and I remember just sitting there sobbing with tiredness, she never went into a calm, contented sleep like other babies.

But, to reassure you, she is now a very easy-going, affectionate, slightly sensitive, and very intelligent (if I say so myself ) 13yr old.

It DOES get better....and btw my DS was INCREDIBLY chilled as a baby, but when he turned 3 he morphed into a crazed ball of mad energy that can't stop moving or talking

My first baby (DS) was just like this. It is exhausting, isn't it? I also carried around a lot of guilt / self-doubt at the time, as I wondered if maybe it was something I was doing 'wrong'. Why was my baby (as adorable as he was - and he was )such bloody hard work all the time?

It was nothing I did or didn't do, btw, and although my DS morphed into a fairly challenging toddler and is still (aged almost 6 yrs old) a demanding child , he is a fabulous little person and I don't know what I would do without him.

Some children are just more demanding, need more stimulation/affection than others.

I had a very 'easy' second baby, btw. There is hope

have you had her vaccinated on schedule? was she like this before her vaccinations?

My DD is exactly the same!!

She has just turned 2, and is still the same, although is getting a little better.

She needs constant reassurance, and is so particular about things being dine the way she wants them. She also has to know what's happening ALL the time - it is exhausting!!

I'm hoping when she can talk more fluently things might get better, as she gets so frustrated at the moment.

It's good to know there are other moms out there in the same situation!!

I have a circle of 10 other moms, but all there children will happily play etc, but my DD is STILL stuck to my lap!

Hope it gets easier for you.
I'm reading the book 'The highly Sensitve Child', at the moment, and that is pretty good.

It's understandable to look for reasons but ime some babies are just like this. Ds, ff from 3 weeks because I didn't think I had enough milk because he wasn't sleeping. Made no difference. Dd1 was bf and napped and slept through. Dd2 is exactly like her brother and I've just stuck with bf this time. Ds settled in sleep terms in time but is just as intense now. Dd1 is laid back. It helped me to accept things and not blame myself or worry. It is exhausting though :)

my second was a little bit difficult at times but is so easy going now. they do change and this happened as soon as mine could exprress himself through words. about 22 months?

Well I didn't think I had the only difficult baby in the world but it's nice to hear confirmation!

I sometimes feel that I'm apologising for her all the time

SkyBluePearl - It's funny you should say that about learning to talk, it's exactly what my MIL says about DH!

Yep, my dd was just like you describe. It's totally exhausting, isn't it? You have my sympathy. And even worse when you see everyone else's babies sit nice and peacefully on their own. For a while I'd wonder what I was doing wrong. But in the end, I think it's just the way she was/is wired. She's 2 1/2 now and a bit more chilled, though still demanding. Being able to communicate when she started to speak helped us a lot.

I found these helpful:
www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050100.asp
www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050400.asp

Thanks for the links ifaistos - very interesting. Those 12 features of a high need baby describe DD perfectly, right down to hating to be swaddled as a newborn!

Sounds just like DS. He's 20 months now, and much easier to be around. Now he can sign/talk, and join in with whatever I'm doing he's much happier. I always said he just didn't like being a baby!

my neice was like this until she could walk (at 11.5months) and then she became so independent and 'easy' a child that my SIL feels redundant.

she's 2.5 now and absolutely great. everybody loves her. she's sociable and self-possessed and confident and funny.

[bit scared about what she'll be like as a teenager though!]

Us too. Someone gave me the Dr Sears Fussy Baby book. It quite old now and very American but it really helped me to see ds as just being the way he is and not to compare him to other babies. You know the ones who lie there all peacefully without needing constant entertaining and just drop off to sleep on their own...

He just needs more from us at the moment and we are trying to give him that. But if I discovered a a mute button for the screaming I'd be delighted.

But am very heartened to hear that other people have survived similar babyhoods.

My DD at 9.5 months is like this, though sleep is getting better. She now walks everywhere, very rarely crawls. She's happy as long as she's doing something new every 5 mins or longer. We're grateful that she's generally happy even though it's exhausting.

Just have to accept some babies are wired different, if only she could get to sleep without all the crying first. Although in the last few weeks, she takes herself off to sleep in the evenings (provided I've fed her off me), so 'just' the naps to go, oh and sleeping for more than a couple of hours at a time.

You're not abnormal or a bad mummy, I reckon there's loads of us :)

PassionKiss don't ever feel that you need to apologise for your DD. Although I'm sure she can be exhausting she sounds like a very intelligent, active and inquisitive baby. This can only be a good thing in the long run.

Also I bet all those chilled out babies come with their own set of problems behind closed doors.

My DD is another non sleeper who needs constant entertaining and gets very very frustrated when her body hasn't developed quickly enough to let her do what she wants. She refuses to lie down for any length of time because she is desperate to be looking around in case she misses anything.

My first daughter was not an easy baby and Dr Sears' books were a godsend to me. In the end co-sleeping helped at lot.

Now to the present.

She is about to turn 13. She is a very intelligent girl. She is still difficult although I have now got used to it and I just accept her as she is. She does have problems at school with attention and organisation and as she goes to a grammar school they find this difficult to cope with. However she is improving as she matures.

I friend I met when they were 15 months old had a similar child, perhaps even worse. We became friends because we got talking about Dr Sears. Her daughter like mine is also very intelligent. She has however gone the other way and is the perfect student, doing everything to nth degree and more. She was also an only child. She does have problems as well as she likes everything to be perfect and puts herself under extreme pressure to be top of the class.

These are just two teenage examples of two fussy babies.

Oh it is tough. Ds bf every 2 hours round the clock for 9 months and was a nightmare to get to sleep or chill or do anything other than wild stimulation really. I told myself it was the sign of a lively mind. Things looked up a lot when he became more mobile.

Try taking her swimming, a bit of physical exhaustion. for dd not you, i think you're already there!

Have had two like this. DS1 is now five, a very good boy. He seems to be very intelligent and needs a lot of stimulation, but is such a wonderful child. DS2 is 20 months and starting to get easier.

My children do seem to be unlike anyone else's (aren't everyone's?). If it's any consolation, the baby stage - especially with a first baby - is the very very very worst time for all those around you to compare babies and try to score points over the slightest little thing. As everyone gets more experienced and the babies grow up and do more different things it tends to settle down somewhat (IME).

Breastfeeding has been a godsend in managing my boys by the way. Hang on in there, it's about to get loads better.

I should say DS2 is totally adorable too - managed to cut that out while editing my post.

My DS was like this too and it was exhausting. As soon as he could walk things became easier and he seemed less frustrated. Same again when he could talk. He is now 3.5 and still extremely sensitive and gets overwhelmed by new situations with lots of people, but he has generally been a very easy toddler/pre-schooler and his confidence is improving daily. DD in contrast was a far easier baby, but so far is a far more willful toddler.

My youngest was a 'difficult' baby. He wouldn't sleep, feeding was not relaxing but a battle. He hated cuddles. He screamed his way through babyhood. He could not lay in his chair or on the baby gym mat - he needed to see me and just scream at me.

At 1yr 7 months when I was heading for an exhaustion breakdown I took him to cranial osteopath. And it helped my baby. After a few sessions he was sleeping and his angry personality receded and a new happier version appeared. He had a problem with his spine/ skull and had been in pain.

He's 2 now. He's hard work - always on the go but a joy.
He's funny and charming. A big personality. Gets cross alot but we go out for lunch and other places without a showdown about everything now.

He's also been happier since becoming more verbal.

Hang on in there - gets easier.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences everyone - it really helps

She has really mastered the crawling over the last few days so after Christmas I'll start taking her to baby tumbletots and see if I can wear her out a bit! (and swimming too if I can face it )

My dd was like this - a real trickster as a baby, I genuinely believe she just hated being a baby! However she has been happier and happier the older she has got and the more she can do (she's now 4).
After the age of c. 1 year, with walking/talking, it all got easier. I know this is purely anecdotal, but think it was just sheer frustration on her part at being so helpless!

My DD was a high-needs baby. It is exhausting, I completely understand the sobbing with tiredness. She used to cry when certain people were in the same room as us, seemed clingy and always needed me to entertain her.

It got better for us when she could crawl (7mos) and again when she could walk (9mos) and now she's almost 2 and starting to talk which has really helped the frustration and tears. I just always felt like she wasn't happy being a baby, she wanted to be at the next stage all the time.

My family used to make jokes about how difficult she was and MIL used to look at her bemused and call he odd, all of which I found hurtful. I made sure I met her needs (which wasn't easy) and if she was upset with someone I didn't force her to stay with them etc.

Now, she is so confident and sociable. Everyone comments on how funny, clever and loving she is. I work 3 days a week and she waves me off with a "bye bye mama". I honestly never thought she'd be like this.

I still breastfeeder which has helped too and cosleeping meant I got more sleep and she now asks to go to bed rather than fighting sleep.

It sounds like you're doing a great job, try to see everything your doing now as an investment in your relationship in the future!