Is it really all my fault?

[Penguin3]

This is my first post on mumsnet so sorry in advance for not using the right codes!!

I'm completely desperate and really need some advice. I've been married for two yeArs and have one 9 year old and a 9 month old baby too. Last night my husband and I had our millionth argument and I justcan't take anymore.

He blames me completely for the state of our relationship and the fact that we ever argue at all saying I have wild mood swings and am never happy.

While I am fully aware I can be moody I don't think that is entirely my fault. I am bfing the baby who still wakes up several times a night and my husband just rolls over and goes back to sleep leaving me exhausted in the morning he works as a teacher which is exhausting and says he needs to switch off so stays up till 1 in the morning watching tv but then complains of being exhausted too so he needs a lie in. We get one each a week.

He promises to help with the housework but then does nothing and complains that the house is a mess even though I have tried to tell him o can't cope with it all on my own.

I don't know if I am being unreasonable and a bit of a rubbish wife and nasty person or if he is at fault too? Too miserable and exhausted to think straight!! :(

It's highly unlikely to be all your fault! My 2 sons are 15 & 17 now but I know that I was harder to live with when they were tiny - for all the reasons you describe.

Is there someone who can look after the children while you and your husband (that's 'dh' on mumsnet!) enjoy an evening out together?

Of course you aren't a rubbish wife or a nasty person! It's really hard juggling everything especially when you are both very tired. I am in a similar situation, 2 children and still BF youngest. I am often very tired and know that I am not giving my husband much time and we too argue quite a lot.
As for housework, its not really the end of the world if its a bit of a mess but it is unfair of him to moan about it if he is unwilling to help. My husband leaves a trail of mess behind him wherever he goes and would live in a tip so I don't think he dare comment.

I don't think either of you are at fault, just tired and a bit fed up. Your husband probably doesn't really understand what it is like for you either, I know mine doesn't, he hasn't had to do it. Could you get a cleaner for a few hours a week? I can't afford one, so I just do what I can. I avoid ironing, dry and fold everything possible! Hoover when I can, put the baby in the highchair while I cook or in the bouncy chair while I have a bit of a clean to stay on top of things. Think you both need a break, could you go out for an evening? Is your baby hungry during the night or do you feed to get them back to sleep? If you are generally feeling as if you can't cope, are overwhelmed and really miserable, I would also talk to your GP/Health visitor. I Hope you are ok.x