4 year old still pooing her pants

[FOES]

My daugher is nearly four and a half. Only in the last few months has she been dry during the day. However, she is still struggling to keep clean (poos) She tends to do a little poo in her pants, then holds the rest in until I spot that she's messed, and then I take her to the toilet, where she will do the rest. She doesn't like doing it on the toilet, but I distract her and eventually it comes. How can I get her to stop messing her pants and to go straight to the toilet when she feels the need? Any suggestions - thanks.

If she is nearly 4 and a half i assume she has started reception now?

does that make a difference?

Do you know how often she poos? You could ask her to sit on the loo every day or every other day at a certain time to perform, and then reward any performance.

The other thing is to reward the proportion that gets in the loo ie a whole storybook for total success but leave off the last page if some has gone in her pants.

And make the loo comfy with a comfy seat and steps and nice things to look at.

By the way I tried all this myself and ds still insists on going in a nappy. He is nearly 4.

ds did this. had no problem with potty training, but he then started soiling himself several months after i thought we were done. with him it was partly the fact that he didnt like the toilets at school and partly the fact that he was just lazy about it!

have you tried sticker charts? what about keeping a collection of favourite toys and books next to the loo to make it more appealing?

She's at school full time - and luckily most mornings we have the little poo in the pants before school, then finish on the toilet. I have had to collect her from school early one day because she messed, and some day she has a little bit in her pants, and has obviously held in the rest until I take her to the toilet at home. I've tried everything! Star charts, stories, dolls on toilet. I've been cross and shouted and given cold showers and taken away her dressing up clothes. I've tried being calm and saying 'next time try the toilet' and just clearing the mess up without a fuss. What do I try next?

Without wishing to sound rude, giving her cold showers, shouting at her and generally punishing her in the way you have isn't likely to have helped with this problem at all. It's possible that it may even have made it worse, as it may have given her a complex about pooing. It may have made things worse by making her unsure of what your reaction is going to be; she may think that it's pooing that makes you cross, so she's better off not pooing at all if she can help it.

You need to be consistent, and very patient with her - yes, she's older than many children are when they become clean, but equally there are many children who aren't clean at this age. My dd insisted on a nappy for a poo until she was 4, if we tried not giving her one then her distress was clear, and so was her refusal to poo.

Whichever method you choose, you need to stick with it, not chop and change, so she knows your reaction is always going to be the same. Calmly cleaning her up and saying, in as non-judgmental way as you can, "Oh dear, never mind, perhaps you'll manage to do it in the toilet next time" would be the way I would approach it. You need to appear to be relaxed about things if she's ever going to be relaxed about it herself.

We had this with ds1. I know from experience how hard it is to stay calm but its absolutely vital! We had all gotten ourselves very worked up about the situation and it really didn't help. First of all, the "little poo" sounds as if your dd may be a bit constipated, holding on for fear of hurting herself. This was the case with my ds. I put him on a mild laxative which I got OTC, Milpar. This softened the stool and made him less fearful of "going". It also meant that he couldn't hold on, so as soon as I spotted that he needed to go, I put him on the potty. Some people put a nappy over the potty so it feels less like the poo is falling away from the child, then gradually move the nappy further back so eventually they're just going on the potty. We didn't actually try this, eventually he just started going to the toilet himself. Try to chill, she won't be doing it at 21!

Hi,
Our ds1 will be 4 in December, and is still doing poos in his nappies. He's been dry and in pants during the day for a couple of months now, but absolutely refuses to do poos on the toilet - so he waits until we put his night time nappy on, and then does it...

To be honest I think he's got the physical control, as he manages to wait until bed time every time, but it's a mental/emotional thing and for whatever reason he's just not ready.

We've talked about him wearing pants at night when he's 4 - he's dry at night every night now, so the nappy really is just for his poo - but he's adamant he'll never poo in the toilet...

No help really, just lots of empathy and maybe all we can do is wait until our little cherubs decide it's what they want to do... (we've tried bribery but even promises of a Buzz Lightyear won't persuade him!).

what abaout a sticker chart? great fun getting stickers or even a stamp, so the child is willing to sit and get earn a sticker, say an extra one if they poo, then when they have earned x amount they get a special treat or something...bear in mind it is best to try to get a poo produced after having eaten a meal by say 15 minutes, that is when the intestinal tract is well and truly mobile squeezing the food and waste along.

Could offer a balloon to repeatedly blow up and let down, whilst sitting, this helps with working the muscles needed to be used to help that poo out, no need to let the kids know this!

Also if a child is using a full size toilet they are far better using a stool to support their feet, bit hard pushing when your legs are dangling in midair!

THANKS FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL ADVICE. I AGREE THAT I MUST REMAIN CALM - BUT IT IS SO HARD, AND I SOMETIMES THINK SHE IS OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT POOING ISN'T ALLOWED IN HER PANTS AND THAT SHE SHOULD BE TOLD OFF FOR IT. HOWEVER, I WILL REMAIN CALM AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I WON'T PUNISH HER FOR ACCIDENTS, JUST PRAISE FOR WHEN SOMETHING DOES COME ON THE TOILET. THINGS HAVEN'T GOT ANY BETTER OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS - INFACT HER SCHOOL HAVE NOW SUGGESTED THAT SHE ONLY DOES MORNINGS, AS I HAVE BEEN CALLED TO THE SCHOOL TWICE THIS WEEK AS SHE HAS POOED HER PANTS IN CLASS.

@FOES I know this is a long shot as such an old post but I'm in exact same situation with4yr old atm and would love to know how things got sorted. Thanks any advice welcome. Such a frustrating time x