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Parenting

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Original poster

when do kids make friends?

12 replies

EatingAngelPie · 15/12/2010 15:41

as in at what age did yours have friendships with particular kids?

DD says i am her Best Friend but doesn't have any friends at nursery - too young? She is 3 and a bit.

allay my paranoia please.

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howtoapproach · 15/12/2010 16:00

I would think that's absolutely nothing to worry about. Mine started to play alongside others at about 3, but only really made friends herself (without them being my friends' children) at about age 5.

Has she been at nursery very long?

azazello · 15/12/2010 16:05

Thank you! I have been having a little panic over exactly the same thing! My DD is 3.5 and has a best friend (her nanny's daughter who is a little bit older) but I was starting to worry that she doesn't seem to have any particular friends at nursery as all the other children seem to be pairing up a bit.

In some ways I'm quite pleased - I think having lots of friends at school/nursery is better than a Best Friend

but am also paranoid.

DD still tends to play alongside a bit although plays with me/ DS/ and in a one to one situation, just not at nursery.

I'm a bit jealous though of your DD saying your her best friend. Mine only says 'you're not my best friend any more mummy, you've been a naughty naughty girl' when I suggest it is time to wash her hair...

AMumInScotland · 15/12/2010 16:06

I think it starts to happen when they are in school rather than nursery - as long as the nursery workers aren't telling you that she's having actual problems getting on with other children, I wouldn't be worried. They play with each other at this age, more than labelling anyone particularly as a friend.

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polarfox · 15/12/2010 16:14

I would go even to say not till Year 1; in nursery they choose the game rather than the friend, and in reception its a bit of the same- esp if there are lots of new faces for them at reception- they dont even know many of the names properly for a couple of months into reception!!

In year 1 they seem to identify and bond with children that do become friends as such rather than playmates......

TooTiredtoGoogle · 15/12/2010 16:42

I'm also very that your DD tells you that you're her best friend.
FWIW my DD had a 'favourite friend' from the age of 1 at nursery, who then left. She then didn't find another 'favourite friend' for another 6 months. This friend has also left the nursery now.
TBH I do think having a special friend for most of her nursery days has limited her as she would always be paired up and be doing the same thing day in day out (pushing buggies around). Now that DD doesn't have a special friend, she seems to have 'discovered' there are other things to do at nursery like write and draw and she has made other friendships which are less intense, and imo far more healthy.
Agree with what MumINScotland said about interacting with other children - as long as she's doing that okay at nursery, she's fine.

Original poster

EatingAngelPie · 15/12/2010 16:52

I am a 'naughty naughty girl' - its just DD does'nt know it yet :)

she can be a bit pushy with other kids, but ok generally..

i just wondered because it looked like there is a group of girly girls in the nursery which she isn't one of, as she prefers to maraud all over with the boys.

she had only been one term so i am being pfb about it, i expect.

its funny the nursery leader (who is great with children) always seems to be thinking 'oh, not another walking bag of parental anxiety' when she sees mummies and daddies...

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mumblechum · 15/12/2010 17:02

At about 4 or 5. Before that, they'd play with specific people because they were the sons of my friends.

Actually choosing particular friends often doesn't happen till reception age.

Smithagain · 15/12/2010 17:12

It also depends on personality. DD1 did have any specific "friends" at nursery. She did play with the others, but hadn't a clue what any of their names where. And she wasn't remotely bothered.

DD2 on the other hand knew all the other children's names and was desperate to make friends but found it hard to make the first move.

In both cases, they started making proper friends in Reception and the friendships really started to blossom in Year 1. In fact, DD1 at 8yo is now absolute best friends with one of the girls she used to ignore at Nursery!

SkyBluePearl · 15/12/2010 18:00

about 2yrs 3months months he got very into his friends - but we see them lots and don't have family near by.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 16/12/2010 09:16

My DD met her soulmate when she was five. They were inseperable until we left Thailand. She is still in contact with her and they are planning to live together as soon as we get beack to england. DD's BF moved there soon after we left.
Currently she doesn't have any real friends in the way that her and BB were. She spent three years in Switzerland with close)ish) mates, but not to the extent of her other half.

snowedinthesticks · 16/12/2010 17:02

Around age 6/7 I'd say. Although friendships always more of an issue with girls than boys. Girls seem to like the BF thing and they communicate with each other from a much earlier age. Boys tend more to play alongside one another.
My DS1 is nearly 15 and would say he has a group of abount 5 or 6 very close friends. Yet they don't talk about themselves- just game scores or sport stuff.

EdgarAleNPie · 16/12/2010 17:53

so, way too soon to believe my daughter will be an eternal Billie NoMates.

paranoia resolved ;)

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