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Parenting

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Original poster

Parent and Toddler groups, is it normall for all the other mums to ignore you?

14 replies

MemooMerrilyOnHigh · 15/12/2010 12:00

Or is it just me?

Have just started taking DD to a toddler group. It has been a huge achievement for me to go as have been suffering with very bad PND and anxiety. Going out of the house is still something that causes me a lot of stress but have made myself go for the sake of DD.

I have tried smiling at people and have tried to start conversations by asking about their DC but the other mums just don't want to know.

They spend the whole time huddled in a group chatting while I'm sat alone on the floor playing with DD.

Feel like a total misfit!!!

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belindarose · 15/12/2010 12:43

Some are like this. It's worth trying a few to find one you like. Brave of you to try, so a shame it was so unpleasant.

eldritch · 15/12/2010 12:47

Yes, I'm afraid some of them are like this IME. Keeping trying until you find a nice friendly one though, they do exist! Also I find activity groups (e.g. singing/tumble tots etc) easier as there's more of a focus, rather than just sitting around talking. Hope you find a nice group soon

ragged · 15/12/2010 12:49

I agree, shop around. Some groups make a much more active effort to incorporate new people.
Keep in mind that the organiser may be a shy person herself and the others simply don't know if you want to be approached. Must admit I always bring a book to read in case there's nobody to talk to.

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Porcelain · 15/12/2010 17:47

I found the best way to try out toddler groups was to team up with a friend with a baby, then even if they are cliquey and rubbish you have someone to chat to.

bitzermaloney · 15/12/2010 17:55

Agree with everyone else - try other groups. I tried 3 before finding the one I stayed at - they can be very different in terms of how welcoming they are. Keep making an effort though with starting conversations - it's hard but will pay off eventually.

sarah293 · 15/12/2010 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

moomaa · 15/12/2010 18:02

I moved areas recently and I had my first proper conversation with a couple of people after half a term. I don't think it was personal, just took people a while to recognise me as a regular.

MadamDeathstare · 15/12/2010 18:03

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Fourleaf · 15/12/2010 18:11

That's sad to hear :(
I have always found that there are some friendly people and some less so - it is probably not deliberate, they just don't realise they're doing it/are tired/stressed/distracted/engrossed in conversation etc.
Definitely carry on trying - I moved areas a while ago and made a big effort to make friends - starting conversations, going to all the groups etc. It still took about a month or so before I knew a few people and felt comfortable. So give it time, don't blame yourself and try different places/people. There are friendly Mums out there :)

RhinestoneCowgirl · 15/12/2010 18:13

I first went to our local toddler group when DS was 2 months old and was completely ignored, was horrible and I didn't really go back until he was nearer a year old.

4 yrs on and I now help to run the group . Some groups are very cliquey, but cliques do move on, so sometimes it's worth persevering. At our group me and the other mum who run it do try and talk to new people when we spot them, but it is a very busy group. I've got to know many people whilst bonding over the washing up however.

Quenelle · 16/12/2010 13:13

Yep. Try another one if you can't face persevering with this one. I liked the Children's Centres because there are family workers there who make a real effort to integrate new mums and Rhyme Time sessions at libraries.

Also agree that helping out/joining the kitchen/setting up rota helps you to make friends.

naturalbaby · 16/12/2010 14:11

i've just moved and found that the small village groups are more friendly. even if there are only a small group of mums in a bigger town toddler group they don't seem to be as chatty and friendly. i end up chatting more with the staff!

containher · 16/12/2010 19:07

when I moved to my new town I tried out 16 playgroups in the first 2 week, I settled with 4 of them and asked the leader to introduce me to someone- from there it was easy to 'infiltrate' the group. I am now an old timer,and occasionally i do scan the room to see if there is anyone 'new' but i am often so engrossed in the gossip with my friends I don't often make the time. But if someone were to make eye contact with me, or make small talk over cofee- I always make the effort introduce myself. Sometimes it helps to pretend to yourself you are bolder than you actually feel, and try to start up a conversation. In my experience, it's rare for anyone to come to you. But I bet there are a lot of mums who are really friendly and would be happy to meet you, it's just it hasn't occured to them to 'make the first move' BE brave and go a few times before giving up.

bessie26 · 16/12/2010 21:41

I've had the same happen to me, so it's not just you. I tried not to take it too personally and told myself that they were just bitches who weren't worth talking to tired or stressed, or were already there with a group of friends they wanted to catch up with.

DD really enjoyed one class, so we carried on going anyway & after a few weeks I found some other people there who weren't part of the clique - a year later, we're still meeting up for coffee

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