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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I A Bad Mummy?

38 replies

Gabity · 14/12/2010 10:28

Had a few comments recently about my daily routine with DD. Wondering if they are justified and I should be doing things differently? Any opinions more than welcome!

We tend to do the same rountine 6 days out of 7. DH gets one day off a week and we do things as a family that day, visit MIL or do food shopping etc.

Day to day routine:

8am: DD wakes up and comes into bed with me and has a feed.

8.30am-9.30am We snuggle in bed together, I usually have breakfast in bed and check e-mails.

9.30am-10am DD has breakfast.

10am-12pm DD Goes in her jumperoo, I get on with housework.

12pm-12.30pm DD has her lunch.

1pm-3pm DD naps.

3pm DD has milk feed.

3.30pm - 4.30pm DD plays on the floor with toys.

4.30pm DD has dinner.

5pm - 5.30pm DD goes in jumperoo.

5.30pm - DD has bath, massage, last milk feed and lights out and door shut for 6.30pm.

DD is 10 months and a total delight, can't remember the last time that she cried and seems very happy.

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MitchyInge · 14/12/2010 10:35

? what were the comments?

mamasunshine · 14/12/2010 10:37

Sounds lovely to me, and if dd is happy why change it? What were the comments about?

LadyBiscuit · 14/12/2010 10:37

What kind of comments? Do you ever leave the house with her? If you don't, I think that's a bit odd but otherwise your at home routine seems fine to me.

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StarlightWonderStarlightBright · 14/12/2010 10:39

Whay are you a bad mummy?

2 hours in a jumperoo sounds quite a long time but for all I know you are talking to her and she is enjoying watching you do the housework etc.

You haven't mentioned your interaction with her as a specific thing but do you just talk and interact as a matter of course, or do you stick her in her jumperoo behind the sofa and go upstairs?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 14/12/2010 10:39

I agree with ladyBiscuit, I think it is fine, but she may enjoy going out a bit?
What is a jumperoo? She seems to spend a lot of time in or on it.

StarlightWonderStarlightBright · 14/12/2010 10:40

Oh yeah. Do you go out?

fluffyanimal · 14/12/2010 10:43

No idea, but should a baby spend 2 hours in a jumperoo? (10am-12pm) Do you get out of the house and get some fresh air? If it were me I'd try to make sure we went for a walk or did something outside most days.

Original poster

Gabity · 14/12/2010 10:46

We don't go out much, not to any baby groups or anything like that. A walk up to the post office as and when or for a pint of milk, but nothing structured.

Yes, I do talk to her all the time, about what I am doing. If i'm going to be in the kitchen for any length of time I pop her in her high chair with a wooden spoon or a whisk and she is quite happy.

Some friends and family think that she shouldn't be put playing on her own for such a long time, and I should be doing things with her. A lot of mummies that I have spoken to don't manage to do anything during the day because they DCs demand their attention all the time. DD seems to never want my attention?

I work 7pm-12am 5 days so I get out!

OP posts:

Onetoomanycornettos · 14/12/2010 10:50

I can't really see what anyone is commenting on, some babies (and mums) thrive on routine. I used to do pretty much this, but with a round trip to the shops or perhaps a baby group in one of the slots. But I did prefer being home with my daughter and if you and she are very happy, then this means it's all working well for you. Next time (if there ever is one), I will not bother going to horrible toddler groups I don't like just to 'socialize' dd (1 & 2) more than once a week, she just used to want to play with me there anyway.

StarlightWonderStarlightBright · 14/12/2010 10:51

SOunds okay to me, although I think your baby might need to see just a little bit more of the world and other people.

I'm a bit shocked at 2 hours of housework a day though. I do about 2 hours a week, but maybe that is a personal thing rather than a 'problem'.

Onetoomanycornettos · 14/12/2010 10:52

Gabity, some children are happy independent players, my first was like this, not happy to go to other people, but if I was there, then she would play for over an hour or so in a jumpy thing (I guess this is your jumperoo) or watch Cbeebies or go on the baby gym or crawl round playing with stuff. I don't personally think you need to interact every second of the day, and if you chat to her all the time, she's getting tonnes of good interaction. Ignore people who are just jealous your child is quite happy and doesn't need constant entertaining.

wonderstuff · 14/12/2010 10:53

Some babies need more attention than others, with my dd I couldn't get anything done, with my ds I can potter while he is on his mat or in his bouncy chair. 2 hours in jumperoo seems a long time?

Original poster

Gabity · 14/12/2010 11:03

2 hours is maximum, usually during that time she is in the kitchen with me too, or upstairs admiring herself in my mirrored wadrobe!

'Housework' time also (ofcourse) includes MNing.

OP posts:

LadyBiscuit · 14/12/2010 11:21

I think I would take her out a bit more if I were you - I think it's important for babies to see there is a world outside of their four walls.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 14/12/2010 11:24

I think I would schedule in a walk - in a sling maybe? DD loves that and she is warmer than in a pushchair in this cold weather with my coat zipped over us both. :)

LadyOfTheFlowers · 14/12/2010 11:25

PS: You are not a 'bad mummy'.

LadyBiscuit · 14/12/2010 11:33

And what LadyoftheFlowers said - of course you're not a bad mummy :)

Haribojoe · 14/12/2010 12:14

what's the problem, sounds okay to me and presumably DC is happy, content and thriving.

It's alright for people to judge but everyone needs to look after their DC in a way that works for them IMO.

overmydeadbody · 14/12/2010 12:26

You're not a bad mummy.

The secret's in your DD. If she is happy and content and rarely cries then how could you possibly be a bad mummy?

darleneconnor · 14/12/2010 12:32

If you are both happy, and it sounds as thoguh you are, then there is nothing 'wrng' with your routine.

A couple of things which struck me though-

-When does your DP spend time with her during the week?

-I know it's the 'in thing' at the moment, but daily bathing is excessive IMO and has been linked to eczema

Does she really sleep from 6.30pm to 8 am? That is a long time and will probably shorten quite soon

If you are working until midnight 5 days are you getting enough sleep?

-By the time she hits 1yr I'd want t take her to 2 or 3 toddler groups etc a week. What about swimming? A daily routine of going to the park to feed the ducks/go on swings would also be good. Do you have any other Mums/friends/relatives you could visit during the week? I think there is such a thing as too much 1-on-1 time but I know others would disagree.

I take it she is crawling/cruising? I doont know what a jumperoo is but I wouldn't want her 'contained' for more than 20-30 mins 2-3 times a day. She could start walking anytime now but wont if she doesnt have the opportunity.

Onetoomanycornettos · 14/12/2010 12:48

Can I be honest? I don't think you need to change a thing. There isn't a 'right way' to parent, and not everyone needs to go on day trips out every day to enjoy themselves (as I understand it they are mainly to get you out of the house to stop you going bonkers rather than needing to provide some type of 'experience') All that comes with time, and if you like staying in a lot, as long as you are not averse to a trip to the shops or going back via the park, what's wrong with that in a cold winter?

I don't think a 10 month old can have too much one on one time, it's when they are most likely to get separation anxiety, so they may not even get down to play at a group anyway. My eldest stuck to me like sticky glue around this age, but was happy to play indpendently. I'd be far keener to widen the primary bond to one or two other people if you can, so that DP or a friend or your mum could look after her for an hour, but again, I don't think it's crucial at this age, mine hated going to other people but turned out very secure and totally able to cope in social situations, even though I didn't constantly take her out and about and leave her with others. The only issue here is if she is happy (yes) and you are happy (yes).

lukewarmcupofmulledwine · 14/12/2010 12:56

Sounds fine to me, you're going to get a lot of suggestions just because you've posted, but basically if you're happy and your DD is happy and thriving then what's to change? Everyone's DCs are different, and everyone does things differently, and I think a big part of growing as a parent is learning to take on board advice but ignoring the stuff that doesn't really apply to you because its just different ways of doing stuff.

So, saying that.... personally, I would limit the jumperoo time to about half an hour at a go as they can get quite tired in them (but to clarify, we had one and I think they are fab, brilliant for entertainment and strengthening legs - I had no problems with mine learning to walk etc because they used it).

If you're happy not going out for walks and groups then don't worry about it. Its pretty cold out there, and it won't be many more months before your DD will be going bananas wanting to go out, so its for a limited time only! Besides, if you're working as well in the evenings you must be knackered, don't do anything you don't want to do just because you think you 'should'.

Daily baths are fine for eczema - actually they are recommended, provided you use an emollient afterwards. But if your DD doesn't have eczema then it doesn't matter anyway. Mine have baths every day (but no bubbles due to eczema), its a good bedtime routine for us plus its the easiest way to get them clean after a busy day of food-smearing.

Also it won't be long before your DD is interested in scribbling, so you could start to do some creative stuff occasionally like crayons, or finger painting (or yoghurt painting!).

waffle3 · 14/12/2010 13:47

Sounds like you have a perfect routine. Hope i can get a routine going like that when my baby is older.
Hes obly 7 weeks but needs alot of attention which is understandable.
You dont dont sound like a bad mummy at all.

p.s im going to get a jumperoo
xx

Fourleaf · 14/12/2010 14:11

Sounds nice to me :) You are definitely not a 'bad mummy' as far as I can see!

I would echo the comments on the jumperoo - but she'll probably tell you when she's had enough. Ditto fresh air - my DS was quite happy at home until around that age, but now he prefers two trips out a day, preferably with people watching/socialising involved (he's 13 months)! I also go mad if I don't get out, but then I don't work 7-12...

Then again, as others have said, children are all different - DS is very sociable, loves new people etc, other babies are v happy at home most of the time.

So enjoy it while it lasts, be prepared to change if necessary (if DD seems to need it) and just follow your instincts. I wish DS slept like that! :)

putthekettleon · 15/12/2010 14:04

I'm sure she's happy but I would say it would probably do her good to get out to one or two baby groups. When DD1 was that age she loved socialising with other babies and got very excited by them, plus I think the change of scenery does both of you some good. DD1 loved music groups, maybe you could find something like that? Or if you have friends with babies, do you all get together sometimes so the babies can roll around on the floor together and play with each other's toys?

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