Being a relaxed parent ... your views on whether I need to loosen up needed please!

[ShiningWit]

took ds(3yo) to a friend's house for tea yesterday. She and I are great friends but at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to tolerance of mess and tidiness (me = v tidy, her = not at all!).

Anyway friend was upstairs with their baby, her DH was downstairs with us when their 3yo DD decided she wanted to do some drawing with new glue glitter pens. This was just before tea. 3yo got out a roll of Xmas wrapping paper, spread it on the floor, did mucho sticky glue penning and glittering on the plain side, when finished picked the roll of paper up and all the loose glitter went all over the floor. Her DH didn't bat an eyelid, nor did friend when she reappeared.

I know that if ds had tried to do any of this:

• messy play just before tea
• using xmas wrapping paper for drawing on
• wafting glitter over the floor

I would have just said NO.

Am I too uptight and tidy, or do you think it just comes down to your own personal standards and trying to allow more mess and cchaos when that's not in your character would ultimately be more stressful.

For the record, ds was busy with somehting else and not interested in what his friend was doing.

I wish I were your friend, but I am you

ShiningWit - can you create a "messy area" for DS to play in? Do you have space in a room that you can lay a vinyl floor mat, or cheapo carpet/cork tiles and put a small plastic table and chair there? Perhaps if you have a designated area, it would ease the itching. As I say, my DS is allowed to do it outdoors - that is so much easier.

just to update ... I don't think I will ever be able to do spontaneous glitter and glue, but this morning I set up a table full of paint, glitter, glue, pasta, paper etc for ds and he had a lovely time sticking bits of blue glittery macaroni onto paper plates, and doing paint handprints.

and then he held his hands out and said "my hands are really sticky and gluey and painty Mummy can you wipe them now please". !

Yay! Well done ShiningWit. I bet he had a ball.

I love a bit of glittery mess in my house, that way I can pretend I am creative rather than just a slob

Glitter?

It's a Banned Item here

But that's because my DC were very naughty with it, not because I am stifling their creative energies

I'll admit to the heart sinking a bit every time painting is mentioned though. I try and muster up enthusiasm once every half-term or so

Luckily DP is very good with all this sort of thing because he is a messy git

Hurrah for "loosening up" a bit in a controlled fashion, ShiningWit! And you have a good DS there, to hold his hands up for wiping. Mine is pretty good when it comes to jam or arty messy hands, but doesn't seem to have the same concern for chocolatey hands [grrrr]

Before I had a 2nd Id have moaned at DS for this.

Now that I have a 1 yr old DD too, id not have batted an eyelid. My house had gone to the dogs and the rules have relaxed big time!

Id let my DS draw on the wall if id get 2 minutes peace .