Reassure me the 'rod for your own back' idea is outdated

[MrsBonkers]

First time mume to DD 24wks.

I cuddle her lots. She doesn't seem to like being anywhere else for long e.g. cot or bouncy chair.
So if I'm using my laptop or watching tv, she's just snuggled up with me.

I'm sleeping in her room. I often let her fall to sleep next to me and either transfer her to the cot or let her stay there all night. (Its a double bed and she lies on top of the duvet in her sleeping bag.)

We don't have any kind of routine. She naps on me when she gets tired. She comes up to bed with me when I go or we go up at about 9pm for a bath, massage, feed then she goes to sleep.
I feed her if she cries.

We haven't bought a pram/buggy. I just put her in a baby carrier when I want to go out and about.

I guess that makes me quite lazy, but she seems happy. She's a very smiley baby.

She's recently got really clingy and I'm starting to panic that I've really cocked up.
Sat up here in bed feeling quite teary. She's fast asleep next to me.
Maybe I should go and get some baby books from the library and pull myself together...

My experience of parenting in the way you describe is that it hasn't made my ds clingy at all (he's 5 now and started school with no probs, went off to childminder's and nursery v. happily). However, we have had problems wrt sleeping, namely that he woke to feed until well over 2 and still doesn't sleep through, wandering into our bed virtually every night. For us this hasn't been a problem so far, but if you think it might be for you then you might want to consider how long you're prepared to deal with night wakings for.

Do not get baby books. What your doing is perfectly natural, and will have no bearing on your child's ultimate development.

It's utter tosh. I have a very confident almost 4 yr old. She is the least clingy child I know. She co slept and was always rocked and fed to sleep.
Your child is unique, the best you can do is trust your instincts.

Oh and we didn't even bother buying a pram or cot forDD2. She is 29 mths and proving to be even more independent than her sister.

*19 mths. Bloody iphone

Clinginess at that age is normal for lots of babies and is a sign she feels she can communicate well with you (but not other people).

Sounds like you're doing Attachment Parenting which I think is lovely - you're clearly meeting her needs. Tiny babies (and she still classes as a tiny baby IMO) don't need 'boundaries', they need love and cuddles. Having their needs met now won't make them be difficult in later life.

And I'd agree with Bertie's book recommendations.

Well done on doing a great job. :)

You sound like a fantastic mum to me!

The 'clingy' phase is perfectly normal. I strongly believe that the worst thing that you can do with a 'clingy' baby is push them away. If you cuddle your baby whenever she wants she will grow up secure in the knoweledge that you will be there whenever she needs you.

I cared for my babies in a similar way and I now have three confident children...and they all sleep in their own beds now

I think that a baby who isn't a bit clingy at 24 weeks is something to worry about, not one who is. By that age they should be aware of when you are away from them, and not be happy about it. It's a survival instinct thing.

I am another co sleeping, long term breastfeeder...DS1 (4) sleeps 13 hours solid a night in his own bed and has done since age 2. He is a happy confident little chap - not remotely clingy. DS2 still sleeps with me at nearly but that is mainly for my convenience and I will be moving his after Christmas. He also sleeps through every night except for illness, and is only as clingy as a normal nearly 2 year old should be.

Do it your way and sod everyone else. If the time comes when you want to stop sleeping in the same room etc then do it - you are the parent. There might be a few tears for a few nights, but it will be ok. But don't spoil these lovely months for yourself by worrying that you're making her into a clingy monster. The reverse is true

Thank you everyone. You HAVE reassured me.

Had a good day today. Went to the inlaws and she was happy to be held by them again. Only came back to me for her bottle. They even commented how happy she seemed with me there - She went there last week with just my DH and screamed the place down which is what led me to think I'd stuffed up.

BTW - nothing against prams, just not got around to buying one yet. We like to walk the dog in the woods so carrying is more practical.

I've looked up attachment parenting and it does seem like I'm leaning that way, even though I'd never heard of it before I came on here.

I've suffered from depression for years and I think that's why I question myself so much. My DD makes me smile so much, I think she will be the making of me :)

That's really good to hear MrsBonkers.

I was the same as you, I didn't know about AP until I was doing it, I just put myself in the baby's shoes (baggies) and think about how I would like to be treated. If I was completely helpless in an unfamiliar situation I would sure as hell want my guaranteed source of food and comfort near me, and I certainly wouldn't want my attempts to communicate my needs or distress ignored.

A bit like you, I've had an anxiety disorder (chronic adjustment disorder) for years, having DS really helped me, having him to focus on gives me the drive to get past my issues, and also to look after myself for his sake. The biggest testament to this is that before I got pregnant, my agoraphobia was such that the thought of going into a coffee shop to meet someone, and finding I had to wait alone left me cripplingly panicked, now I spend an awful lot of time going to coffee shops on my own (with DS) to feed him and I'm loving it.

Five months onwards in my experience is exactly when they do get clingy, and I don't think that's a bad thing, they are securely attached. However, babies can have a primary bond with more than one caregiver and if you feel like widening the circle a little to your husband/close family, it can give you a break as much as anything else. But, babies who cry when mummy goes away at this age are completely normal and securely attached, and you mustn't worry about making a rod for your own back, my first never had any childcare except me and husband, and used to sob when left with anyone else as a baby/toddler, but by the time she was three, she was extremely independent and toddled off to pre-school without looking back!