Teenagers and 'doing things as a family'

[Ormirian]

How much do you expect your teenagers to join in with things they don't want to do? When mine were tiny they'd be happy to go to the bathroom and watch mummy have a pee! Now my 13 yr old rarely wants to go anywhere with us, his 11yr old sister is going the same way. We have a 7yr old who still wants to be with us whatever we do. I don't really care that much. I was forced to do things all the time when I was a teen - if I didn't, mother would start up her 'oh but we never do things as a famileeeee anymore' refrain [hhm]. But DH gets fed up when DS1 doesn't want to go with us.

I'd rather they were happy and only had to attend things that were really important so they'd be more likely to do it with a good grace and willingly.

Where do you stand on this?

No - my two would absolutely not do swimming with dp or I, except on holiday.

They will still do the cinema or a meal with us, although only films that their friends don't all want to go and see in a group.

at webwiz - are you describing my family???
Mine are 18,15,14 - they will all do family stuff because we all live so close they can just drop in, plus their grandparents text them with invitations direct - clever eh?
They do 'get' that there is a duty to be done for other set of grandparents but we don't insist on doing loads together. Often one of us will do something one on one. We always have a couple of meals together at the weekend but this is often breakfast/lunch.
I'm pleased that DH and I can go out for coffee/down the pub etc etc and get 18 year old to pick us up!!

Mine are DS17, DS15, DD11 and DS5 and the older ones still do loads with us.

Despite having rooms full of gadgets,(the older two)they all seem to gravitate towards the kitchen and living room and we spend a load of time doing low key stuff like watching TV together, playing monopoly or scrabble or just chatting.

I'm very happy that they seem to want to hang out with us still, although obviously they do their own thing with friends too. If there's a clash, ie if someone has a party and I'd planned something else we negotiate.

I used to worry that they'd withdraw from us as teenagers mainly due to the doom and gloom merchants who love to tell you to "make the most of them while they're little because the nice bit is over in a flash etc etc"

I have friends with teen children and I really admire this idea of theirs. They go away nearly every holiday or some weekends, several times a year, just to a youth hostel or camping. They say even when the kids are home it's difficult to spend quality time with them, so they do this, explore a new place and spend really good time together for a few days. The kids love it, but they are very nice kids!

Ooooh timely discussion. My DD is 14 and will basically opt out of everything she can.

I am trying to think of things she can do with us together. I remember earlier this year we had an argument about this where she said "GOD! Why do you always want to spend time together!?!?! Noone else's family do that!" I then asked what her best mate was doing.....she was spending time with her family! but hey, teenagers & logic.

So anyway, if anyone has suggestions what we can still do together, even if its some dad/daughter time then I'm all ears!

going through a teenage strop at mo about new year, we are visiting my mum who lives 3 hours away and havent done so since easter(she visits us loads). dd has been invited to her friends party and i have told her it just cant be done. she is not happy!

DCs eat together every day. We eat together as a family on Sunday for lunch & dinner.

I think that it is worth being reasonable about whether or not to spend time together especially as they get older. I always try to remember that the DCs relationship with anyone in the family (Grandparents, cousins, aunts etc) is one step removed from mine. My mother is my DCs mother's mother.

One activity I do enjoy is driving DCs to various activities. It's an opportunity to chat about this, that or nothing at all.

Someone I knew took his DDs to the cinema once a month. He bought the tickets and they could have as much popcorn etc as they liked but he chose the film. I thought this was a great idea but could see it would be difficult to start if rebellion had already set in.

Reading this thread has made me think that I should be more grateful for my older dd. My eldest is 14 and I think due to having younger siblings (youngest is 5) she's more concerned that if she doesn't come/join in she'll miss out, so partakes 90% of the time. Always sees what we as a family are doing before accepting party invites etc. Never any moan about visiting elderly GPs and also the not so eldery ones.

She is also now babysitting the younger ones for us, so this has an added bonus