Biter at nursery - anyone had experience of dealing with it?

[Ewe]

My DD, three in March, has been bitten about 4/5 times in the last month by a little boy at nursery. He has also hit her before and he threw a puzzle piece at me the other day!

Little boy apparently lovely one on one but frequent biter when in big groups (so all the time at nursery!).

Is there anything anyone can do? Last time he bit her back, broke the skin and it brought up immediate bruise, we were at GP that day for something unrelated and DD showed doc and even he was surprised at how nasty it was.

Doesn't seem like there is really a solution, I know nursery can only do so much, ditto his Mum as she isn't there.

I wouldn't say nursery can only do so much - at my DC's nursery (which is a private one) they tried all the usual techniques on one little boy who was a biter and eventually they gave the parents notice and the boy left!

Your poor DD

I think the first method they use is to have one of the staff shadowing the biter to try and intervene before anything happens - have you asked the manager what they are doing?

you sign the incident form and keep your fingers crossed.

you can ask the nursery what they are doing, but i doubt they will even confirm it is the same child/ a repeat offender, as they shouldn't be telling you who the biter is at all.

it's a pita, but it won't be forever.

They don't tell me, DD does! Also last week I picked her up early seconds after it had happened so I saw him being told it wasn't very nice. They don't time out or anything - also private nursery - so he just gets told off.

I haven't asked manager to be fair, maybe I should bring it up, I don't want him kicked out or anything but it's making DD unhappy. Last week before bed she was saying she didn't want to go because she didn't like boy x and you can hardly blame her.

I will ask manager and keep my fingers crossed!

oh, i know - tricky when the kids are old enough to tattle. they still shouldn't confirm though.

It is difficult (I had a biter), but the nursery should be able to identify the triggers - excitement, hunger, anger, teething pain, a confrontation over a toy, and prevent accordingly. Sometimes the attention they get for doing it can reinforce it , if it's too over-the top. Prevention IS better than cure, and he will grow out of it

I had a problem with a biter at DS's nursery earlier in the year.

Actually, it was last year as well with the same child. It turns out that he's just a bit, well, naughty and would bite DS as a last defence when fighting over toys etc

I had a meeting with nursery and was very angry as DS had come back the previous year with 2 bites in 3 days and this year with a further 2 bites, the latter being a very bad one that broke the skin and looked horris on his BACK and from which, he now has a scar.

There was nothing that nursery could do, they had been in contact with his parents who were devestated as it was happening away from them and so they had no direct involvment - it just happened that the very next day my DS was hitting/pushing and I understood how helpless a mum feels when her child is misbehaving at nursery and all that you can do really is tell the nursery to do their best and have words with DC outside nursery and try your best to "help".

Its a very hard time, and I hope that my child never goes through that stage.

Just ask nursery what they are doing about it and ask for updates ie after the session every day ask "how have they been today".

DS was bitten again the other day (not very bad) and my immediate response was "was it ...." and when I was told that it wasn't - I just said "oh, that's fine" and dismissed it. One bite every now and again when nursery are on top of the situation is okay, but I think its only a problem when it is repeated - especially as last year I was informed that this child targetted specific children!

Good luck, and I hope it's a quick phase!

Oh dear, poor you and your DD. I'm on the other side of the fence. My DD, also 3 in March (waves to Ewe), is a frequent biter and on a Baby ASBO at nursery. I guess the other parents have figured out who is biting their children. DD2 will happily tell me who she's bitten each day, so I'm sure the bitees tell their parents who bit them. I'm very lucky the parents have been understanding and everyone is still talking to me!

The nursery staff have been wonderful. We have regular chats about what her triggers are and how to avoid them, and they shadow her to make sure they catch her before she bites. It's taken a few months but she's so much better now.

It must be awful to have your child bitten badly, and it's also awful to have a biting child. But the nursery are well-trained in dealing with it, they have good ideas and good tools, so I'm sure they'll help the little boy to stop biting soon.

Impressed with the excellent and non-inflammatory responses on here.

Better than Mumsnet 8 years ago, where people would seriously suggest mothers should bite their babies to discourage biting (true).

Pre-empt where possible, ignore where possible and intone 'this too shall pass' - best advice I was given.

My dd was bitten but I felt sorrier for my sister whose son was (briefly) a biter. Just think - soon you'll be worrying about something else and you won't be able to remember why you were so worried about this...