Practical suggestions please!!

[rickman]

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only can think of anything re:the cooking:
do batch cooking - do say 2 dinners worth or more, then freeze or fridge them - saves you from doing more than heating up every evening.

oh also could you try some sort of sling with your baby? there are various cloth slings suitable for six months and above

Do you have anyone who can help? Anyone at all? I would suggest paying someone (eg someone else's au pair) to come in for three hours a night a couple of times a week, but suspect that is a financial no-no unless, maybe, your parents would pay for it for you?
How old are the children now?

Do you bath 4 kids every night? That would be the first thing I'd cut down on.

Can you put something in the oven/slow cooker earlier in the day? - sorry, don't know if you work.

is there anything the kids could do? ie, get them to help you in the kitchen with washing up (i used to love this when i was little!)

do you bath them every night? perhaps just do it every other day (unless they're really dirty)

give them star charts so that they get a treat if the have their bath etc NICELY with no fuss

is there anyone who could help you out now and then and give you a break?

I got a job when i was 16 for a lady with 4 kids. she paid me £25 a week and i went in every evening from around 4-6 to do a bit of housework and help get the kids fed and bathed... you may be able to find a local teenager who would do this for you?

if possible give them main meal at lunch and then lighter meal for tea. if not possible, serve something like pasta bake which you can prepare earlier, or use the oven more (sausages and stuff can be done in it, takes longer but you dont have to stand over it)

dont clear up til they have gone to bed, or the following morning. it wont kill you to have a few dirty pots around. better still, get the older kids to at least take everything away to the kitchen.

drop the bath. they dont need one every night. once a week is enough if they are small

how old is the baby? would he be ok in his car seat next to you while you are washing up? sleep training is very hard but worth it if you are willing to try. books are available in library. should get easier in less than a week.

tantrum = bedroom. ignore, ignore, ignore.

sorry if that sounds like i know everything, i really dont but these things help me get through the day!

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Know exactly where you are coming from!!!

With 4 kids its so bloody hard to have a peaceful or relaxing afternoon/evening

I agree about the baths, Mine have one every other night and the bath nights I always do either really quick food like tonight we had chicken kievs, chips and spagetti (hardly exciting but only 20 mins in the oven)

I will do a casserole or curry etc.. on the non bath nights.

I never do washing up till the next morning

If mine are too much they are sent to their rooms to read or listen to music or trash the place for all I care as long as they are away from me

Katie is 2 and at the real bad tantrum stage and if she is very clingy I try something like drawing in her highchair or washing up plastic forks/spoons in very bubbly water

It takes ages to find ways of coping and I'm still trying!!

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you could try putting an ad in local colleges, or ask around and see if any friends/neighbours know any teenagers who might want a part time job cash in hand.
as i say, i was paid £25 a week (so £5 a day) but you could always just have someone round 2 or 3 evenings a week. i used to do stuff like tidy the playroom up, do a bit of ironing/hoovering etc and i used to help bath the little ones and sit with them while they had their dinner

Try contacting colleges that have childcare courses as often the students need to do placements with families. I had one with dd who was absolutely lovely. She entertained ds no end, and we went on trips etc. She was just there do anything I needed, two days a week, five hours a day. Free!
Or just put up a notice or look anywhere you see notices regarding childcare. Often au pairs are looking for extra work or students want babysitting work. Or put an ad in yourself - eg: extra pair of hands wanted to help out busy mother of four for three hours, 4-7, two/three days a week. £5 per hour.
I think you are a hero to cope. Being a single mother of four would be totally beyond me. I'd be a gibbering wreck.

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i think you could probably get away with £4 an hour... could you manage that, and perhaps just have them for an hour or 1.5 hrs a night?
that could give them time to help you tidy up all the dinner stuff and get the little ones into the bath

what about casserole's for tea or shepherds pie as you can make it before hand and cook it later. Also would one of the older children play with the baby so you could get on with tea?

Get a timer, £3 from Matalan. Kids are absolutely charmed by it, and it does work. "We've got 10 minutes to get ALL those toys into the box, quick, we've GOT to beat the timer!" "10 minutest to get into pyjamas, we don't want the timer to win!" etc.

Would definitely be worth getting in touch with homestart as well - if they have a spare volunteer, they'll come in once a week.

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You poor thing! sounds like your going through a tough time.got three boys and hubby thats bad enough. got some great advice already,picked up some tips myself! First thing i stopped doing when i felt i couldn't cope was stop running around trying to keep the house imaculate,it can wait,youre sanity is more important! and bath when they need it.also if there clothes aren't dirty dont put them in the wash.hope it gets easier for you soon. dont be scared to ask for help either.

also, better to kick that toy than take it out on the children. I sometimes close the door of my bedroom and either punch the pillow or scream into it.(friends advice) feel great afterwards.

i take my hat off to you [hat off emoticon]. im a single mum and can barely cope with two, let alone four. i dont think its just the physical stuff, its the emotional that gets to me, trying to keep an eye out for the baby, cook tea at the same time and deal with ds's many requests. my brain just seems to give up on me sometimes.

i dont have much good advice, youve had so much already. dont worry about the bath thing too much, mine certainly dont get bathed every night, its just not possible. i get annoyed about my house, i like it to be tidy and i just cant do it. sometimes i wonder if i go too far with wanting it perfect, like i feel as a single parent i have to prove myself to people all the time and go just that little bit better. its madness really. i always think if people see a little bit of a messy house with two parents around they wont think anything of it...but see a messy house with one parent and they will think differently. (this comes from my impression that it doesnt take much for people to knock a single parent, i try so hard not to fit into the stereotype and maybe thats it) i dont know if they do, but the thought of it makes me set myself impossibly high standards. i dont know if thats how you feel too?

how old are your kids?

i have a friend who is single with four children i can ask her for some tips if you want?

Rickman,I'm on my own and find evenings with two a nightmare so bloody hell,no wonder it's all a bit much.
Could the Homestart person come in the evening? I think most people would say that the evening meal/tidying/bath and bed combo is the worst time of the day.
I have a young girl staying with me for a month and to have her to hold the bay while I cook and to tidy and clear while I do bath and bedtime has made an enormous difference.
Even if you only have a small freezer,could you pop in a couple of meals at a time? Even unfrozen something like a stew will last for a few days in the fridge.
How about a big plate of sandwiches for dinner once a week? Cut up,covered in cling film and put to one side until it's time for feeding time at the zoo?!
Big shower curtain on the kitchen floor to catch scraps as they eat?
Clothes and cereal bowls and so on out the night before?

I'm in a similar position (4 kids all under 7, one of them a baby) but am only on my own some of the time (when dh is away). TBH it's often easier when he is away.

Tea time to bed time is really tough isn't it? It's going to start getting easier. But in the meantime ...

Can you keep them all out of the kitchen until the food is on the table. Clear up after they are in bed (though I know this cuts into any fragment of rest time you may have).
Don't expect the house to be too clean and tidy for the next year.

TBH it sounds like you're doing really well I have to say. It is tough, but it will get easier.

I find it helps to go to bed really early (9.30) when dh isn't around, because it means more energy the next day. Also, keep off mumsnet.

Otherwise, hang in. Good luck.

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rickman... the older ones can get their own uniform ready!
seriously, anything they are capable of doing then get them to do. have reward charts so that when they do their chores they wind up with some kind of a treat at the end of it.

totally agree about having quick and easy dinners. stew and stuff that you can just bung in the oven and not worry about, macaroni cheese is quick and easy, soup and bread rolls etc etc...

are your eldest big enough to get themselves to bed? you could try saying that they have to be in their rooms by 7.30 or whatever and lights have to be out at 8. that way they get a chance to unwind, and it gives you some extra time to get the place sorted!

I do showers instead of baths now mov9ing them through like a production line.
I also do meals early (5ish) and say they can watching The Simpsons if they are all ready for bed.