what do you think makes a happy childhood?

[sotough]

If you had a happy childhood, what would you put it down to? what were the key elements? i think it's mostly about stability and possibly being a bit "cotton woolled" - by which i mean, protected from knowing too early about the bad things about this world, and space and time just to be innocent; not being exposed too early to pressures to look/be a certain way, or have certain toys, or whatever.
which i know sounds old fashioned...

Actually I think it's trust. I believed that my parents could sort anything out if I told them about it so I didn't need to worry(until I realised that wasn't quite true).

I used a similar strategy with my children. I used to call it Magic Mummy. If you tell me about it (I used to say) you'd be surprised what I can sort out. Trust me enough to try.

I hope that helps.

I think it was all about childhood innocence - being protected from the horror of nasty horrible 'adult' things - war, violence, hate etc
Also having the security of parents and family who loved me unconditionally, and having a stable home & school life.

Having a 'problem-free' existence really...

(Although, having said that, our family went through a whole series of cancer-related early deaths, which was fairly traumatic for my parents but somehow they seemed to protect us from all that...)

Didn't have one so will watch this with interest in the hope of creating one for my DCs! Like the Magic Mummy thing.

Love.

Freedom. Spent hours roaming the local woods and frolicking on slag heaps.

Being loved.

Love, lots of laughter, day to day affection and a distinct lack of concern about what other people think.

I absolutely love the Magic Mummy idea, how lovely

Love-you can forgive the occasional cross word,arguments,being grounded etc.if you know you are loved. Also lots of family days together-we used to all go riding,to picnics,days out at the beach etc. Never had much money but we always did things as a family...my parents are still my greatest support and sisters are my best friends.

all you need is love - happy memories maybe too

I hope we are giving our DD a happy childhood. She knows she is loved, she has enough material things, but not too many and virtually unconditional support for what she wants. There are obviously some exceptions to the support.
She also knows that we will listen to her side of a situation before making any judgement calls. Bullying was a perfect example.

Security, stability and knowing you are loved unconditionally.

Unconditional love, security and stasbility.

Doesn't matter what else is going on if a child has these tings. Doesn't matter if they are very poor or very rich, those are the things they need for a happy childhood.

you don't sound old fashioned sotough, just sensible.

It is important to protect children's innocence, but you could wrap a child up in cotton wool and buy it everything it needed, but if at the same time you didn't show it unconditional love (i.e. you put conditions on your love for them) they will not have happy childhoods.

So the most important thing, whatever your parenting choises, is unconditional love and security. They need to know their main caregiver will always be there for them, no matter what they do.

And sometimes you can't protect a child from some bad things, but it's how you deal with the aftermath that makes the difference between a happy childhood and a not happy one.

If a traumatic event happens in a child's life, it is better to invest time in dealing with it and working through it with the child, rather than just never mentioning it again to the child. Things like a death in the family, witnessing violence, being in a war zone or being involved in a natural disaster or car accident or anything else traumatic. People can survive these things if they are given the time and security and commitment to work through them.

"If a traumatic event happens in a child's life, it is better to invest time in dealing with it and working through it with the child, rather than just never mentioning it again to the child. Things like a death in the family, witnessing violence, being in a war zone or being involved in a natural disaster or car accident or anything else traumatic. People can survive these things if they are given the time and security and commitment to work through them."

totally totally agree with this. one of the above happened in my family - it wasnt mentioned, it was ignored, no body got over it. I wasnt given the time and security to work through it.

20 odd years on- still no one talks about it, still everyone ignores it, still no one is over it. I feel that my entire existence is shaped by this event and its very hard to know what is related to this and what isnt...

So- to answer the actual question

Security
Reassurance
unconditional love
transparency
communication

and and element of letting a child be a child and develop at own rate.

I agree with overmydeadbody.
Both, DH and I, had trauma (war and national disaster and of course lack of money as result and moving abroad too) but we both call our childhood 'happy'. We had lots of love.
And we had lots of fun too. Yes, some very sad moments but there was lots of love, lots of hope, positive spirit and laugh.
You can have soldiers outside your door but feel secure indoors with loving parents. On the other hand you can live in a peaceful and secure country but be scared of your own parents.

And i have friends who had on paper better childhood than mine but suffer because of negative words they were told daily by their parents. This is i think the most important trauma to avoid.

This thread reminds me of Judith Kerr's novel When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit - she worries about how she may not become an author as all successful authors seem to have a 'difficult childhood', and she doesn't think she does (even though she and her family have to flee Nazi Germany and travel through Europe, losing their home and belonging etc)
One of the wonderful things is that she describes it as a very happy sort of time....