Terrified of SIDS.

[Laurtopsy]

My DD2 is 5 days old and I am overcome with fear, anxiety and sheer panic. I am absolutely obsessed with keeping my daughter safe and SIDS scares me more than anything else.

I thought things would be different this time around. With DD1 I would stay up all hours of the night, run on Pro-Plus and black coffee so I could watch her sleep and breathe, listen to the monitor for her breathing when I was out of the room and it didn't get easier until she turned six months old. The older she got the easier it was for me to let go of my fear and now she's two and a half and perfectly happy and healthy. This fear has returned with a vengeance with DD2.

I was panicked all through my pregnancy about miscarriage, still birth and now SIDS. I try to do everything I'm supposed to ie. keep her at a good temperature, tuck blankets in up to the ribcage and under the mattress of the moses basket, sleep with her next to the bed in the moses basket, not smoke in the house (unfortunately, I smoke - I know I'll get hassle for this but I never smoke around her and always make sure I am outside or smoking out of the kitchen window but that doesn't make it okay), put her to sleep in the feet to foot position on her back with a dummy etc.

I just can't shake the feeling she's going to be taken from me. My life is so content right now with DF, DD, DSS and DD2 and I feel like I don't deserve this happiness and it's all going to be pulled out from under me with the loss of my baby girl.

How do I deal with this? Is there any way to deal with this? Are the Angelcare monitors worth the money to put my mind at ease?

Congratulations on your new baby.

It's tough when they're so small, and I do understand your worry (a mother of three myself).

I have used the angelcare monitors, and found them fantastic.

However, I would definitely talk to my GP about such an all consuming fear. Most of us get anxious, but that level is not the norm and help is there.

I really hope you feel better soon, and can relax and enjoy your DDs.

I get exactly the same feeling with my DD. We use the Angelcare and it really has put my mind at ease.
I agree about talking to your gp too.

Do speak to your GP or your HV: it's so natural to worry about them, and to feel that something will happen (it won't ), and you should be having a happy time, not an anxious one.
I only have the one, but I remember that worry, I'm sure it's no different if you have one or ten (well, you know what I mean).

Congratulations, and welcome to your DD2. Are you warm and not too snowy?

I second and third the sensor monitors.

Every breath she takes will be shown with a flash of a light and if she didn't breathe for 20 seconds the alarm will go off.

I have a Tomee Tipee one (£100 roughly), you can get it at Boots, Babies R us, Mothercare etc and I used it for DS and DD - fab. Seeing the light when they are napping in another room or when you wake up to see it flash is instantly relaxing.

Get a rough idea how to recusitate a baby from the web - no im not mad, YOU WON'T NEED IT but it's peace of mind that you know what to do.

The anxiety will pass. x

Yes the motion monitors are really helpful if you are very worried about SIDS. We got one and after a couple of days getting used to it (and peeking out of my eye every few minutes to check the light was still flashing) it helped me relax enough to sleep. I didn't put the flashing bit of monitor next to her head as it was bright enough to be a disturbance.

On a very different note - extreme anxiety about your new baby's safety could indicate you have post natal depression. Go and speak to GP or health visitor, at 5 days old are you still seeing a midwife postnatally?

I felt exactly as you describe when my daughter was born and actually sobbed when my husband showed me video clips he had taken of her as I thought that is all I would have left of her to remember her because she would die. She is now 2. My DH and mother quietly had a word with the health visitors about me and they came every day for two weeks until I could talk about DD without crying. Thinking about it now it still doesn't make sense to me and I can only attribute it to an extreme mixture of hormones and an instinct gone into overdrive. Sometimes I wonder if I was so happy at having a baby that part of me felt I didn't deserve it and it would all be taken away somehow.

The fear of something happening didn't go completely, I worried until she was about 18 months about keeping her safe at night, especially if people were visiting to see her the next day, as if I was responsible for making sure she was alive and kicking when they came! Daft. I even to this day tell my husband to be careful when he takes her out shopping or to the park. You sound like a very sensitive person and that will make you a good mum!

No great words of advice i'm afraid, just sincere empathy. i felt the same with ds1 and ds2. ds1 is now almost 5 and ds2 is 2.2 but i still remember that all-consuming fear and anxiety i used to feel. i would be ok in the morning and then come 4pm i would be in floods of tears, absolutely dreading and totally consumed by the thought of the night ahead and the possibility of sids. it was sheer hell. i did have quite bad pnd with ds1 but it was mild with ds2. i think mine was down to a combination of pnd and an ingrained belief (albeit a crazy one) that if things are going right for me something awful must be just around the corner. coupled with hormones and crazy tiredness of course. you are doing everything you can. try to enjoy your precious baby in between those moments of fear.