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is this woman a pedo, should I call the police??

44 replies

jayjayp · 01/12/2010 10:35

I really could do with some advice on this one, I regularly check my 13 y/o son's history and email/facebook etc.. last night I was checking through as usual when his msn automatically signed into an email account I was unaware of. Within minutes I was getting IM's from this woman (she obviously thought I was my son) of a worrying nature. I checked this womans profile & discovered she is 27 y/o and that she claims to be having a 'serious, committed relationship' with my son!!! Naturally I have questioned my son about this first thing this morning with the attitude that I am worried that he is being abused online by this woman, he immediately jumped to this womans defence, begging me not to call the police on her. I am very concerned that she is a pedo and that she may have been grooming my son, as he doesnt seem to understand that this relationship is wrong in anyway, he tells me its not real and all just a game so its not abuse and that he wouldnt meet her in rl.

What do mn-ers think about this?? My instincts are to get the police involved and am obviously in panick fearing the worst.
It may be worth mentioning that ds's behaviour has changed dramatically of late, maybe this is linked to his involvement with this woman.

I have confiscated his laptop for the time being and cut him of from all net access so that he cannot message this woman to warn her I am considering involving the law.

Any response would be so greatly appreciated, I apologise for the lengthy message, I hope you understand my need to explain as thoroughly as poss given the medium.

sincerely, jamie-joyce

OP posts:
BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 01/12/2010 10:54

ahh sorry x posts - I see you say she thinks he's 15.

in that case I would follow the advice given

DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain · 01/12/2010 10:55

how worrying for you. I reallydon't know what I would do in that situation but getting advice from people in the know seems a wise step to take.

ANTagony · 01/12/2010 10:55

Try this for appropriate measures to take.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 01/12/2010 10:56

Kristina - it's not difficult for someone to set up another profile. He's obviously got an email account that the OP knows about, would take no time at all for a 13yr computer savvy kid to set up another email account, as he could have the confirmation email sent to the account his mum knows about and delete it once he's done it.

mjinsparklystockings · 01/12/2010 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KerryMumbles · 01/12/2010 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jayjayp · 01/12/2010 11:02

@ HecateQueenOfWitches~Thats a good idea I am going to contact the NSPCC for advice, thankyou very much, my head is in a real mess over this, I am on my own and as such have noone to discuss this with this morning, for that part I am glad of mumsnet.

This is the worst crisis Ive faced with my son, I thought I was doing the right thing by allowing him some freedom online as long as I was allowed access to his history and accounts at any time, I feel really stupid and awful that Ive allowed him to use the net unsupervised thinking he was mature enough, like its my fault hes in this situation.

Ill post after Ive contacted the NSPCC for advice.
Thanks mn-ers your opinions have helped me to realise that I am NOT just being an overprotective parent and that my concerns are valid.

Jamie-Joyce

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 01/12/2010 11:03

My point being, you may not be too clued up on internet safety yourself if you sign off posts with your real (distinctive) name.

DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain · 01/12/2010 11:03

I don't think you areto blame, you were vigilant and you are responding to something that doesn't look above board.

RiojaLover75 · 01/12/2010 11:04

Sorry but I would be calling the police too..... you never know if she (or he) is doing this to other children as well.

It could be a man posing as a woman to try and groom a young boy. Angry

ANTagony · 01/12/2010 11:05

The Child Exploitation and Online Protection centre can probably help with advice and reporting here

ChickensHaveNoMercyForTurkeys · 01/12/2010 11:06

I'd be calling the police for advice. Very odd and slightly concerning. I'd also be having serious words with DS about internet safety.

TheLifeOfRiley · 01/12/2010 11:09

Glad you are asking nspcc for advice, they will be able to tell you best way of dealing with this. As rioja says this person may not even be a woman, but wither way man or woman it is inappropriate and has obviously been weighing on your son's mind.

You say your ds's behaviour has changed, how so?

KristinaM · 01/12/2010 11:09

its not your fault, its the fault of an adult who is having a " relationship " with a child. please get over your own upset and guilt and let the relevant people deal with it

your son will not be the only child involved. soem may be younger/ stupid enough to meet up with this person

DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain · 01/12/2010 11:13

could you call someone, you have some links on the thread now, and let us know what they say to you about it?

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 01/12/2010 11:21

there is little the police can do unless she has actually done something to him.

sadly there is no law about being in a relationship as such.

WHat has your son said adout this woman? how did they meet? have they ever met in RL?
what sort of things do they discuss?

Your son is probably devestated and thinks he will be in trouble. it is important that he knows that whilst you are upset that he has hidden this from you, that you are not angry with him and that he is not in trouble.

Hopefully you will get some good advice from the NSpcc with how to move forwards.

wannaBe · 01/12/2010 11:47

op, your best bet would be to talk to

\link{http://www.ceop.police.uk/\ceop}

they will be able to advise you as to what course of action they may be able to take.

Queengigantor while what you are saying wrt being in a relationship is correct (given actual intercourse has not taken place), there are laws about grooming underage children online, and if there have been inappropriate conversations between the op's ds and this woman (of a sexual nature) and the woman knew he was underage (as seems t have been implied here) then she can be brought to account for that. But unfortunately it's not likely to be an easy process and op's ds will almost certainly have to be interviewed in depth by a child protection expert, computers removed for analysis etc in order that a potential prosicution be brought.

I would also go and speak to your ds' school. Because the likelyhood is that if he's met this woman on a website, there are almost certainly others from his peer group who are visiting it and who might have encoutered other individuals with potentially equally questionable motives, or even that some of them are lying about their ages and have been talking to people who have no idea... an internet safety talk in school would not go amiss, and the school will have links to organisations who can do this sensitively and appropriately for these children's ages.

I think that all too often we are complacent about children on the internet, often because we ourselves don't have the knowledge to keep them 100% safe, and also because technology holds no fear for children, and a lot of them are more IT savvy than their parents. But sadly the internet also gives people a false sense of security and they open up more than they perhaps would in rl and potentially take bigger risks. It happens even with adults, so with young naive impressionable children the risks are tenfold.

I attended an internet safety talk recently and was shocked to be told that in a recent survey 15% of children between the ages of 11/16 admitted that they had met up with someone they had met online, without their parents' knowledge. Another 10% said that they had taken a friend, but still that no adult knew. So essentially 25% of children have met up with someone in rl that they've met online, and their parents or any other adult were unaware. That is a chilling statistic...

Op - you need to clamp down hard on your ds' internet use tbh. 13 really is too young to be having a facebook page, (regardless of what the site rules say), so I would delete that for starters, keep his laptop in a family room where you can view it at all times, investigate getting some parental control software so that you can keep a better view of what he's doing online.

I do not subscribe to the view that children deserve privacy online - as parents it is our responsibility to keep our children safe, and clearly in this instance the op's ds has shown that he is not responsible enough to be given unsupervised access to the internet.

Good luck.

jayjayp · 01/12/2010 12:01

@ ANTagony~thanks for the link for ceop.

After some discussion with my son he is happy to give them the information needed to report this incident to them.

I will post later as to how they deal with our report.

many thanks

Jamie-Joyce

(ps this isnt my rl name lolz....my rl name is PrincessConsuealaBannanahammock!!)

OP posts:
DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain · 01/12/2010 12:02

good luck hope it all gets cleared up and you don't needto worry about it anymore.

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