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Original poster

After school classes. How many is too many?

30 replies

bubble99 · 23/09/2005 22:47

I ask because some of the children at the boys' school seem to be signed up for everything. Football, tennis, chess, 'Mindlab' (a strategy games class,) choir....the list goes on.

Both Mr Bubble and I are fairly musical. Him with the piano and me with the flute (when I have time.) DS1 tried the choir, but didn't like it and plays in the recorder group. He is doing really well with the recorder and visibly enjoys playing in the school assemblies which we've been invited to. He wanted to give up playing this term and I talked him into staying. I felt bad about this at the time and wondered whether I was right to do so.

DS2 has joined the weekly football class, and both of them go to 'Mindlab' once a week.

I don't want to force them to do anything they're not enjoying, but equally, I think that if I don't persuade them, they'll do nothing.

Do you think the children doing lots of after school activities really want to? Or is it pushy mums like me putting pressure on them?

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zaphod · 23/09/2005 22:52

I don't think children should do too many after school activities. BUT I cannot recall ever hearing an adult complain that their parent made them do the piano/recorder/guitar, and now they can play. I OFTEN hear people say they wish their parents hadn't let them give up whatever instrument it was.

And on that basis, I make mine do piano, ds has just started guitar (at his request), and ds2 will soon start recorder again at his own request.

Original poster
bubble99 · 23/09/2005 23:00

That's a good point. I wish my parents had made me continue with piano lessons.

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zaphod · 23/09/2005 23:03

Me too, I really wish my mother had insisted I keep them up.

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Original poster
bubble99 · 23/09/2005 23:10

I've got a friend (yes, really!) whose 7 year old does:

Monday- Kumon maths

Tuesday- Beavers

Wednesday- Tennis

Thursday- French

Friday- Football

All as after school activities. On Saturday morning he goes to a drama club and on Sunday the whole family usually go swimming. She's asked me in the past if he's 'over committed' and I've had to reply honestly, 'yes.' IMO.

OP posts:
SueW · 23/09/2005 23:36

DD's school limits the number of after-school clubs (taken at school) to two per week. In addition to these (for DD it's IT and Beavers), DD also does piano and dance outside school.

The academically selective primary school doesn't do after school clubs. Most of the children are ferried around to acitvities by parents though.

Skribble · 23/09/2005 23:42

I think it depends on the child, some thrive on activities and perhaps don't have children nearby to play with. Some prefer to play on their own and some in the garden with their friends. DS 8yrs has beavers, gymnastics, orienteering and an nature/ history club. DD5 yrs has dancing, orienteering and gymnastics and will soon start the nature club too, I'm also looking at a drama club for her. They enjoy their clubs and I want to encourage them do a wide range of things and experience as much as possible. Some of their freinds don't go to anything and never veture out of the village.

unicorn · 23/09/2005 23:46

Anyone interested in this area may want to have a look at US author/academic Dr David Elkind..

'The Hurried child'...
basically (his first edition was written 20 or so years ago) he says that we are trying to rush our children into growing up too quickly (by overscheduling them etc)- and it is having repercussions.

Food for thought anyway.

Original poster
bubble99 · 24/09/2005 00:08

As with most things, it's finding the balance. If, after a day at work, I was told to go to football, french class, Kumon, chess etc. I would be inclined to cry. I often suspect that the after school activities provide an extra hour of childcare for parents and not much else. Some of these children are white with tiredness.

OP posts:
Cristina7 · 24/09/2005 00:13

Things like Kumon or football aren't done at school as after school activities, it would be the parents ferrying the children there and back. So I think it's unfair to think of them as an extra hour of childcare. Other activities are done during school lunch breaks ou by taking the child out of school hours, again nothing to do with wanting extra childcare.

Original poster
bubble99 · 24/09/2005 00:17

Football is an after school activity at our school. As are all of the others, except Kumon and Beavers.

OP posts:
snailspace · 24/09/2005 00:46

Message withdrawn

Skribble · 24/09/2005 01:01

I think the child care comment is a bit much, one of the reasons I didn't work full time is so that I can take my kids to their clubs.

Would it be better for them to be at home every night rather than out socialising with kids their age? I don't think it is about them growing up too fast either, DS's freinds stay in and watch 15+ films and play 15+ games, watch loads of telly or just play football at the park.

snailspace · 24/09/2005 01:28

Message withdrawn

fqueenzebra · 24/09/2005 12:53

DS1 is almost 6yo and we/he just about manages swim class (1/2 hour on Weds eve). It's borderline, though, I could imagine stopping any time. He really isn't up to doing any more out of school. DD is almost 4 and doesn't do "anything" but preschool; which is as much as she can handle. She can't handle more socially, certainly. Both children get too tired/wound up otherwise. They would just refuse to go to anything else on a regular basis; would be a collosal waste of money & very stressful for us to even try to coax them.

Am always baffled by other people's children who can do so much. Wonder if they are on super-tanked up vitamins or something....

nutcracker · 24/09/2005 13:04

I am beginning to think Dd1 (7) is taking on a bit much as she is now doing Choir on a monday, Brownies on a Wednesday and then Ballet on a saturday morning.

She really seems to enjoy all of them though so i think i'm going to let her decide when/if it becomes too much.

Dd2 (5) just does Rainbows so far.

sorrel · 24/09/2005 13:13

when dd was 6/7 she tried out lots of different classes/activities. i wanted to see what would stick, so i let her do a selection of stuff- violin, swimming,tennis, gymnastics, trampoline,drama,ballet, tap, the list goes on. on average she did about three things a week. However as she has got older she has chosen what she enjoys most and i am really glad i gave her a chance to try out a whole raft of stuff. She now does drama( 1 hour)on Wednesday followed by Brownies ( 2hours). then has violin on a thurday night( 1/2 an hour). She has chosen herself to keep these up and as she is in the choir in school and plays tennis regularly with her grandpa, I think that it is enough. I do think every child should learn to swim snd that is the only thing i ever insisted on. but she can swim ok now and we gave classes up. She is 10 now and has enough on her plate when you add in an hours homework 3 nights a week.

Original poster
bubble99 · 24/09/2005 13:24

Fair point Skribble. I should have said that some parents seem to use after school activities as an extra hour of childcare.

OP posts:
emkana · 24/09/2005 22:00

My dd1 is four and has just started school, so I haven't got a lot of experience of this yet, but I'm just wondering with clubs and homework as they get older and school being nearly all day anyway - when is there ever time to just be with the children, to maybe read together, or make things, or go for walks or whatever...

Skribble · 25/09/2005 00:26

I keep mine tanked up on SunnyD, skittles and ProPlus .

That way they can do all their clubs and make things, draw, go for walks , go to the beach, run in the fields, sail in their boat, dress up, play with lego etc, etc, etc.

My kids aren't doing ballroom dancing ar applied physics with adults they do activities aimed at kids with groups their own age. Can childhood not involve a class of giggly 5yr olds in tutu's or 20 7/8 yr olds running about in the woods looking for treasure clues, because thats the kind of things my kids do at their clubs.

ssd · 25/09/2005 07:39

I agree with bubbles. I know a lot of parents who insist in their kids doing loads of classes and it's just so THEY won't have to spend the time with them, they always say "oh, he/she quite likes it, but at least I get an hours peace". I think in this instance the parents are just filling up time until bedtime and I don't agree with it. Not that I'd be saying anyone on here does that!!I'm all for kids doing after school activities if it's something they really enjoy (not something their parents think they should enjoy....). But a few days after school doing nothing, eg. watching tv, playing with siblings, being bored and learning to entertain themselves is important.

Cristina7 · 25/09/2005 08:27

" they always say "oh, he/she quite likes it, but at least I get an hours peace" " I think that's a cliche and shouldn't be taken too literally. Similar to "oh, I'll be glad when they're back at school" after the summer holidays. It doesn't mean you don't want to see or spend time with your children, just something you say when you're not up to being imaginative.

Consider this: I take DS to football on Saturday mornings. For a 10.30 am start we have to wake up early, have breakfast, feed the baby, make a small bag with snack and drink, find his football boots, drive or take the bus (travelling time 15-30 minutes), watch him play for one hour, get back. So, DH and I have one hour to "ourselves" to sit on the bench and talk while cooing at the baby and watching DS play. I think we work pretty hard for this time for ourselves.

I don't know how it's like to have to organise two or more, or for more than once or twice a week, personally i'd find it a nightmaren rather than a relaxing time for "myself".

"Positive not pushy" by Cassandra Jardine is a good read.

edam · 25/09/2005 08:33

Children need unstructured time to learn how to amuse themselves or just chill out. I guess it's just finding a balance - if your child wants to do some activities then fine but I'd be reluctant to let ds be booked up every night after school. They have to concentrate all day in school as it is.

Ds is only two so this is all theoretical, but I remember my youngest sister (14 years younger than me so clear recollection) doing something four nights a week.

ghosty · 25/09/2005 09:06

Having been a teacher for 10 years and now a mum of a school aged child I think some children do do too much. It depends on the family whether it is for the parents or something the child really enjoys. Some parents are extremely pushy. I used to work in a prep school where kids were permanently shattered due to extra curricular activities ... But then again there were kids that thrived on it.
When I was a child we were allowed to do one extra thing at primary school age ... luckily we got all our sport at school ... but I understand why my mother stuck to that - with 4 children to ferry around you wouldn't want them to do more.
At secondary school we could do as much as we wanted as long as we could handle doing all our homework too. I played hockey, did ballet, drama and for a little while learned the flute. Gave up the flute after a year and finally gave up ballet at 14. Kept up the hockey and drama till 18 though.
Anyway ... my DS (6 in November) currently does 2 extra curricular things. Swimming (because we think it is a vital life skill - he can give it up if he wants when he is a confident swimmer) and Soccer (because we believe that sport ... and developing a liking for it ... is a healthy thing to do)
Next year he will start piano lessons (because he wants to and seems to be musical)
I think extra curricular activities do give children the chance to develop all round skills at things ...
Sport is a great thing to get your child into. There is a billboard in NZ that says "Kids in sport stay out of court" ... I agree with that.
Sports keep kids healthy and also as they grow up they develop socially around team and club sports (DH and I met at his cricket club for example and all of his friends are from the cricket club he joined at 14).

So so sorry for long post ...

ghosty · 25/09/2005 09:10

What i wanted to add was that we feel that if DS does his sport and some music then with what he learns at school he is getting a pretty good all round input in his life.
I wouldn't want him to do more ... I am not sure what the point is of cubs and beavers ... but then I had a trial period at guides when I was 11 and thought it was awful.
Things like Kumon Maths are useful to children who need some extra support in Maths ... so I understand why people do that.

flamebat · 25/09/2005 09:17

When I was little I did
Brownies on a Monday,
something on Tuesday (forgotten what),
Weds off,
Thursday Gymnastics,
Friday "Friday club" - church run afterschool games etc,
Saturday - swimming and/or pottery,
Sunday - Sunday School

Bothe church based things were for socialising rather than me or my parents being particularly religious.

Oh I think it might have been Flute on a Tuesday. I also did music lessons on various instruments and shool choir in school time.

It was all my own choice though, and as and when I decided that I wanted to stop the various activities, then I did. By the time I reached senior school, I still did the choir and school music lessons, Flute, swimming and guides but that was it (tried gymnastics for the first term, but it was too much for me). They all gradually dropped off over the years until I was left with just choir.

I loved it, and I loved knowing that I could stop any time I wanted.

I want DD to try as many of these things as possible ("as possible" will probably be money based though )