confused new mum

[dappymoo]

The only way I can describe this is confused and feeling sorry for myself!

I had my gorgeous healthy daughter 6 weeks ago. I feel:
-really happy, and yet really sad
-really lonely, and yet really don't want to see anyone
-really busy, and yet really bored

Does this make sense to anyone else?
When I stay at home I feel lonely and bored, but when I go out I feel harassed and like it's all too much!

oh yes, it's very familiar. I have two DCs - 6 and 2 - and I still feel like that. It's an occupational hazzard.

It probably seems worse though as these emotions are new to you. And your baby is so young and dependant on you that it really is such a challenging time.

BTW - you may want to add 'really conscienscous, but also really guilty at the same time' by year 2.

Sounds normal to me.

Six weeks is such a short space of time and yet you have done so much.

Sit down, have another cup of tea and try to enjoy it. You will begin to feel stronger soon and have more energy to venture out n' about.

Congratulations on the baby, dappymoo.

You're feeling like a normal new mum. I'm sure a load of other people will post after me and say the same thing. The hormones and the reality of day to day living with a little person who's completely dependent on you play havoc with your emotions for a while. I felt everything you mentioned after my lovely son was born.

Hormones all over the place. Having a baby is such a monumental thing, it's no wonder we feel a bit strange after it! Lack of sleep is enough to make anyone feel not-quite-right. It's early days and you are adjusting to being a mum. Be patient and things will sort themselves out.

My dd is 12 days old and I feel like this too... Just so tired and feel so rubbish. I am hoping that my body starts adjusting to the sleep deprivation state so that I can eat properly as I am also worried about my milk... Hmmm and I don't think it helps when it is cold outside, seems so much easier to just stay in... I do try and pop out briefly if I can to get some fresh air as someone advised me that it is good for your sanity.

I also find I feel a bit better if I have a shower even if it is a really quick one!

Here's to hoping our energy returns enough to do some nice things soon

Sam x

Thank you, it feels like a massive event and yet loads of people do it and noone seems to think it's that major... but you're right, it's a total life-change and new occupation!

I've had complications since the birth which are almost resolved but I kind of feel like I've had a 6 week birth if that makes any sense?! Rather than recovering I was just getting more and more issues...I'm exhausted and feel so sorry for myself and yet I can't be selfish and wallow because this little person is the new centre of my universe. Jeez.

Good point Sam, if it's any consolation I'm sure I feel better than I did a few weeks ago...
And now you mention it... I skipped the shower for a quick wash this morning as it coincided with DD's huge poop accident... and then decided not to go out at the last minute as it is so fricking cold!! Perhaps those decisions have made today a crap day!!

It is major - but it's brief too - and we all move on quickly and get consumed by the next stage (because all of the stages bring their own challenges).

Try and figure out a routine. Build it yourself day by day rather than go by anyone elses' book.

Look at how your day is panning out and see if you can spot a pattern. Look at how you can change things so you can rest a bit. It is wise to get some fresh air every day so try a little walk in the morning or a look around your garden.

Always a good idea to go to other people's houses at the start so you can leave when you want - even if its just for a fleeting visit. I used to find having visitors the most stressful thing in those early days and avoided it at all costs.

Wallow a bit, but think of what you're doing as the most important job in the world and congratulate yourself for how well you're doing. You are right - this is a difficult time to have a young baby as the evenings drawing in so early do nothing to help your energy levels or mood. I remember it myself.

Thank you spaceman and everyone, it does help to know others have been here!

I found myself totally disoriented in those first few weeks, I even wondered if I was having a breakdown, even though I was not actually depressed, just with the chaoticness and boredom (how do they go together), it was all too much. I met up with my NCT group at about eight months for a girly night out and seven out of the eight of us confessed we felt quite bonkers during this period, very all over the place (obviously some people are calm and take to it like a duck to water). All I can say is that this all seems normal to me, it does change as the baby grows and you get back in touch with being yourself and not just a baby-feeding machine with sleep deprivation.

Ah yes, this sounds familiar.

All I can do is reiterate what the others are saying - it gets easier and a lot of it is fun after a while.

For me, it was around the fifth month that things began to click into place and being a mum started to feel a tad less alien. Also, as your LO becomes more responsive, the whole business of mothering becomes a lot more rewarding.

You'll be fine

Sounds familiar to me too. It does get better