Child put in room on “fun day”

[gazzel72]

Saturday was Christmas fun day at my son?s school; his mum (who he lives with) is a volunteer & was running a stall there. I did not see much of my son as his mum had told him to go into a room. He popped his head out the door & said ?I can?t see anyone mummy?, his mum signalled for him to go back inside, at which point he saw me & did as mum had asked.

I did see him again as I left an hour or so later, but again he disappeared into the room, I was told by mum that he was playing with a friend. I did not want to make a scene so I left.

My partner was also there (we arrived separately), with her parents & children, whose son also attends the school, another friend was also there with their daughter, who my son sometimes plays with. Whilst they were there they were made to feel uncomfortable, being watched by her or her new partner, who waited outside as my partner etc. got into their cars to leave.

This was upsetting for all, including my partner?s son, who cried because his friend was in a room & he couldn?t see him.

My son & I get along fantastically when we are together at weekends.

I am a non-resident parent, I have recently been through the courts (3 x this year) & Cafcass have recommended that my son has contact gradually increased to full staying contact in 6 months time, (over-night 6x a month)

We were in court on Thursday, but mum wouldn?t agree staying contact, she has always opposed this; she only wanted an increase of 2hrs per visit (8hrs a month). Contact with my son hasn?t increased since July 07; he will be 6 early next year.

The Cafcass officer said on seeing us together, ?He is relaxed in my company & there was reciprocal warmth & affection, he clearly enjoyed contact, he enthusiastically played & he enjoyed himself tremendously?

I want to be part of his life, not a weekend dad. We are back in court hopefully before Christmas, when I hope that the court, in the interests of the child, orders what Cafcass has recommended.

Thoughts and opinions please.

I hope you are back in court before christmas too and that CafCass put their recommendations before he judge.

These situations are always very stressful and rarely do both parents sing from the same hymn sheet.

I'm not really sure what you want an opinion on, the fun day, which doesn't sound much fun, tbh, or your wider issue of lack of contact which is very sad. I do believe that fathers should have 50% care where possible, and would demand this of my husband if he ever split up. I'm not sure that you can avoid being a weekend parent though if you get divorced, personally I think the weekend is the best time with the children, and unless you live down the road, taking them to school and picking them up is not always easy or that interesting. But 8 hours month is really very little.

Onetoomanycornettos

You say "I do believe that fathers should have 50% care where possible, and would demand this of my husband if he ever split up."

How can the care be split 50/50 if both parents are not involved in school run & other day to day care of their children?
This normal time is important too, not just the fun bits; otherwise the child gets an unbalanced view of the parents, one has fun-time the other the routine of school days & little time for fun.

You also say "I'm not sure that you can avoid being a weekend parent though if you get divorced, personally I think the weekend is the best time with the children, and unless you live down the road"
I do live just down the road & been trying for this for 3 1/2 yrs.
If only parents could be reasonable when they split & could agree on arrangements.

When this is not the case, it is a horrble & lengthy experience, may be a system that starts with 50/50 care as you suggest would be a good one.

Ga