Am I such a bad Mum?

[Foxy800]

Dd is 4.7 yrs old and lives with me and her Dad. Her dad looks after her 3 days a week while I work and I look after her the other days while he works.

But I am sat here, letting her have a bit of tv as had enough today!!!, really feeling like I want to cry. Everyone including her Dad usually tell me she has been so good for them, although I have seen her being a pickle for Daddy when I am there too, but especially recently she is just a nightmare for me, even when I come home from work she starting playing up.She refuses to listen to me, argues with me, occasionally hits and throws things at me although this is very rare these days. She also likes to have lots of paddies!!!
When she is really bad I can feel myself getting really cross so will move her and put her in timeout so I can calm down, WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT HER THOUGH AS I LOVE HER DEARLY, but just dont understand how she is so naughty for me and not for everyone.
I work with children and I guess so many people I know would just say well you should know what to do cause of your job etc so this makes me feel a failure (I am very calm at work).
We do things together eg games, drawing, park etc and when I have to do jobs I try to include her as she not good at occupying herself.

Thank you so much if you have read this far.

This is my story exactly, except my DD has just turned 7 and my DH and I are still together. She is great for him, excellent behaviour at school, a little angel at friends' houses, but gives me hell every single night. And much as I would love to stay calm, I end up shouting and slamming doors myself because I am human too. Don't beat yourself up. Sounds to me like you are doing your absolute best and she is going through a madam phase which you - as the person she loves and needs the most - bears the brunt of. Also, think about whether you have any time when you are not either working or mummying - when do you get a break??

Thank you for the reply Partystress. She is very affectate towards me and others and we have lots of love yous and cuddles from her and me.
Must admit I dont get much time when not working or mummying as in the evenings dp and I are so tired, it is a case of making lunches, washing up etc and watcing a bit of tv with dp (dds Daddy). I do have time on 2 days when she is at school and I dont work but I have started an open university course which I do in that time so not to impact on my time with her.

Foxy, it's because she's secure in her attachment to you and loves and trusts you absolutely that she can allow herself not to be on her best behaviour around you. You're her rock, so you're safe to bash around a bit. [apology for really bad metaphor icon]
And 4 is a difficult age anyway, much harder than the so-called terrible twos.
Try not to shout but forgive yourself when you do, both of you are only human.

What about a reward chart? Also maybe give her some clear jobs she needs to do and then she gets a sticker on the reward chart. Once she has earned X stickers she can get a small present or whatever you decide as a reward (as long as agreed upfront). My dd is same age as yours, I have her: (1) changing in normal clothes when she comes home from school; (2) hanging school clothes on hangers and putting dirty clothes in laundry basket and getting clean stuff from her wardrobe and put it altogether for next day; (3) lay the table. Once she had done this, I have finished preparing dinner (I do most of the preparation before I pick her up from school as she is very hungry when she comes from school so we eat early together). After dinner, she watches a bit of TV while I tidy and get table ready for DH. We then go upstairs, she changes, brushes teeth etc. She reads me a story from her school book and then I read her a story from one of our story books. We chat a bit and then she goes to sleep (usually around 19.00 -19.15h). If she goes to bed later she can be quite challenging the next day but that is just because she is tired. Also, she might pick up a bit on your stress, maybe you are taking on a bit too much yourself at the moment???? Do you have to start your OU course right now? Or could you work slightly less hours? Anyway, don't feel like a bad mum, you do the best you can.

Thanks for the replies. Unfortunately have already started the course but am taking it one year at a time but am feeling it is too much at the moment!!!Have thought about less hours at work but financially not possible at the moment.
Reward charts dont work for us but she does have little jobs to do and when they are done she chooses an activity for us to do.
She is also in bed at 7 -715 each night after a bath, story,look at her sounds etc and a chat. Although she ended up going to bed at 630 tonight as she fell asleep on me during cuddles on the sofa (Was at nan's last night so must have be tired).

We had a nice chat earlier after we had had some fun together about how it is more fun than when Mummy is having to tell her off.