Anyone given up a fab job to be SAHM?

[fairyteapot]

Help. I have 3 ds's (5, 4 and 2). Since they came along I have kept my career going a bit by working part time (generally 2 days per week) and freelance, with lots of time off (eg. 3months in Summer etc) which was great. The freelance stuff dried up over summer, I panicked, got a FT job (4 in office, one day from home), thought it'd be fine but I'm in pieces. Told myself that now DS1 at school and DS2 starting school in September, would be fine etc. Don't have any of the usual hassles as have great nanny who does all of housework too.

But, I cry myself to sleep, wake up in the morning depressed. The other day I even fantasised about having a critical illness so I wouldn't have to work.

I have a fantastic job. Loads of cash, very senior, everything I ever (thought) I wanted. But all I think about is how my DS's are only small once and that I just want to be there to pick up and drop off at nursery for DS2 (he does 3 hours a day), and to be at home with DS3 who is a gorgeous, edible 2 year old, and to collect DS1 from school. I also feel that I want to devote my energies to them, teaching them, loving them, rather than whoring myself for profit.

We can manage just about manage on one salary (for a bit), and I could pick up bits of freelance work (that's another thing - since I started full time quite a bit of freelance stuff that I can't now do has come in typically!!!).

Just looking for reassurance - SAHMs to tell me what I think I know. The kids are the most important job, if you have the choice you'd be mad to outsource the kids and work instead.

Gosh it's so complicated. I already do a day from home but to me not being around for 4 days is awful. I think I'll start by asking them to let me do 2 days from home. Nothing to lose. Ideally I'd like to find something I can do entirely from home. Then again, there's the whole changing gear thing. When I was working from home on Fri I was on the blackberry/phone all day and really stressed and snapping at the kids. Hardly the point. If DS was 100% supportive of me stopping i would but in truth he's happier with me sharing the load.

I gave up my job. Was due to go back part time but in the end just wanted to be there for the kids. I'm very happy with the decision and plan to go back to work in a few years.

Yes, I gave up a rather glamorous job in the arts 10 years ago to look after my children. I have never regretted it. I had got to the stage in my career where to really progress I would have had to work lots of evenings (book launches, theatre premieres etc) and been available on the phone at any time for my clients. Just no do-able with little children. I had great fun in my job but knew that I couldn't put it before my dc.

Hi - my DC is 13 months old and I always intended to go back to work. I had a high profile, v glamourous job but they wanted me to return to work after 5 months as I was on a rolling contract. Well I just couldn't imagine leaving DD so told them no...it was a purely emotional decision and at times I have questioned if it was the right one - it is boring at home - you do have to continually find things to keep you and LO occupied or you will go out of your mind. My DH doesn't earn huge amounts and money is tight but we are making it work and I'm incredibly lucky that he is soo supportive - he's over the moon that I chose to stay at home and look after lo altho he would never have pressured me to do it. I know that I can always work later on - it is a blow to the ego to give up a huge part of your identity when you give up work - but I'm not about to start listening to my ego!!! My mum was a SAHM and we benefited soo much from that so I know I want to be there for my LO. Amazingly I am now pregnant with number 2 - something we thought couldn't happen - so I have absolutely no regrets. Isn't it amazing tho how much a woman is affected by this monumental decision - should I stay or should I go. Follow your heart and the rest will follow.:)

I didn't exactly give up my job - but I certainly gave up any chance of career progress after I had DDs. I work two days a week in a job I love - which leaves me lots of time to be with the kids the rest of the week.

But by going part time I gave up any hope of career progression. I work in broadcasting, and many people I know from the beginning of my career have moved onto much bigger and more exciting things - whereas I really can't do that as I have chosen to stay put and give lots of focus on my kids.

And I'm really happy with my decision - if I worked full time I would miss out on so much (job is very demanding time-wise, 12 hour shifts, weekend work etc). As others have said - you don't get the time back with your kids.

If you are miserable with your job then I think in your heart you have already made your decision.

Best of luck

I gave up a well paid, but full on job in the media when I had dd1 - now 11. Mostly because DH has a similar job and we knew that if we both worked then our dd would never see us. Then we went on to have another two dc's and it just carried on.

There are good sides and bad. I was there for every milestone, every meal, their first words, first steps knew who their friends where at nursery/school etc. In some ways I think they need you more when they are a little older ie. school age then when they're at the baby/toddler stage. When they come out of school feeling sad or grumpy you are there to talk to etc. I've been able to get a good homework routine, test them on spellings, times tables etc as a part of normal day to day living.

However - who am I? Mum and or wife. The last eleven years have rushed past and in another eleven they are not going to need me. What happens then? I spend a lot of my time trying to work out what I'm going to do with my life, whilst at the same time still being there at the school gate at 3.30. In addition to that I do miss lots of things about working, people, banter, sense of achievement and daft things like taking taxi's everywhere and having lovely boozy lunches from time to time. Not least having a name and not just Muuuuuum.

We struggled financially for the first few until recently years living on just one income, but we managed. No hotel holidays, but good fun keycamp type ones.

I have to say that part time sounds like the perfect combination to me, if you do a job that can be done part time. Mine couldn't as is often the case with well paid jobs.

I think perhaps your dh is worried about financial security, is his job safe? Or does he think you'll become "boring" with nothing to talk about but the seemingly mundane? Did his Mum work?
I think whatever you choose to do give your dh a chance to explain why he feels you need to work (self esteem, confidence, finance, nice standard of living). Perhaps you could root out some of your old contacts in the meanwhile, and sound them out re work, that way, dh will be reassured that you have some work lined up for a bit. It is a huge decision, the very best of luck with it.

Quick update from me. I've managed to hang on for the last few months and am coming up to the 5 month mark and it's more clear than ever that it's not going to work. I do 2 days from home but have to be 'switched on' all the time - so physically I'm here but mentally I'm not. I'm handing my notice in after Easter to go freelance again. Bottom line for me is that kids are only small for a very short period, I don't want to miss any more of it than I already have. It's been an instructive experience, this job - but really, full time in an IB - what was I thinking!!!!

I've just handed in my notice with a job which is very well-paid, part-time but that I absolutely hate and which wrecks my self-confidence. I want to stay at home for a while until ds is at school and then after that I have a clear plan for re-training and then working. I am trying to research it really well and I have lots of contacts. I don't know if it'll work - I'm sure it won't be easy at all. But, it's just something I have to do - mainly because of the job itself but I must say, to have an end to all my beating myself up about not being there for the kids when they are little will be a welcome side-effect!

Yes, I gave up my job. Just at a time when a big promotion was in the offing. Don't regret it in the least. I love being at home and watching my DD learn knew things every day. Today we have only been at home then popped out to the supermarket, but it was all lovely and relaxed, no need to rush and plenty of quality time. If your heart is at home with your children then you might as well have the rest of you there as well! Different arrangements suit different people, but it is possible to be a SAHM after a good job and not regret it.

This is such a hard one. I have given up a very enjoyable but also very demanding job in t.v to look after my daughter, and although I love being with her my husband is under huge financial strain, its really becoming an issue. The thing is I do not really have the ability to go back to my old job with its 13/14 hr days (often more like 16) and often 6 day weeks with a 15 mnth old. I just can't see how its possible to 'have it all' as they say - unless your partner is a very high earner its always going to be seriously hard on him, and on the family as a whole. I think being at home with my daughter is the right thing to do, but its definitely tough. Just have to keep my fingers crossed for that lottery win! C'mon lucky numbers! :)

Am just sitting here crying this evening because I didn't get the job I went up for t'oday. I had a great career which I gave up 12 years ago when I got pregnant. I have four children and I have done freelancing here and there. I have never put them in day care. I just couldn't. DH is freelance too so we've worked out child care between us.

The youngest had a nanny one day a week for two years between the ages of 3 and reception and that was it.

Howewver, it' is really, really hard to get back to work. I love my work and I will continue to freelance but both DH and I have lost so much ground.

I wouldn't change it because I am what I am. I was just overpowered with motherly emotions which meant I couldn't be away from them or have others (apart from dh and other family members) look after them.

I've just been given a 3 day a week job. It's what I used to do but the pay is 25% less than I got in London 12 years ago!!

I worry about my future and my lack of pension. We are always struggling to make ends meet. It's a real dilemma and I feel for you.

My advice would be, though, keep your hand in at all costs.

i was at home with ds1 til he was 5. then went back to work for 2 years, great job which i loved, was well paid, hours fitted in around school times, and was a total one off opportunity. then after 2 years along came ds2... i went back to work with ds2 in tow when he was a few weeks old... managed it, just about, til he was 6 months old. the plan was to get a nanny and go back to work properly. i couldn't do it. was an incredibly tough decision because it was such a unique job which i would be very lucky to find again when i'm ready to go back to work... i miss the money/status/challenge/mental stimulation/me time,yes, but i just couldn't have left ds2, and i know when i look back i will be glad of having had these early years with him, his big bro, and the litttle sister who arrived subsequently.

An author friend of mine is working on a book at the moment collating evidence on how damagint day care is for small children. He looks at hormone stress levels produced and other indicators of well being or no so well being.

It's going to be very controversial and stir things up. He pulls no punches and even accuses governments and business of covering up unfavourable research which shows how detrimental day care is to the emotional well being of the children.

Just saying.

His book not mine.

He'd better brace himself for some turbulance when that comes out.

Fairy I had a fantastic job that I gave up. I figured that life was too short to be held hostage. I also figured that I'm optimistic with enough faith in my ability to carve a career for myself when the kids are older. It won't be the same, but it will work and I'l be happy!

To quotePamelaFlitton
"Do you think you will resent the fact that you are unlikely to ever earn that much again or get as much respect from other people"?

It depends what your big priority is in life.

When you die and get to your wee cloud in the sky will you think, Im glad I had loads of material stuff and gained the 'respect' of a bunch of like minded people with the same 'priority's because of course, what other people think is key when it comes down to the nitty gritty of YOUR life.

Or will you think, Im glad I had that short but important time as mum to my small children and enjoyed the family years because of course my family were the important part of my life, not the job?

I suspect from reading your posts you would be more likely to feel the latter.

Your obviously an intelligent girl. I can't see you finding yourself completely unable to provide if any tragic (and unlikely) circumstances were to fall upon your family.

I gave up a good job I loved to become a SAHM 4 years ago and to think I could have handed these precious moments over to someone who doesn't love my child like I do?

When I was trying to decide what to do my mum said "just imagine if you died, they would have found someone, trained them up and the same job would have been done, regardless of you. The same couldn't be said for bringing up your kids".

She told me id regret it because you don't realise it at the time but the best years of your life are when your children are small.

Im glad I took her advice.