DD playing up really bad this last week..

[neverenoughMEtime]

DD is 4.8, and since she started school she has been rather challenging...when her friends come for tea i can see so much of her behaviour in them, the way they talk and the things they do. It would seem that they all copy eachother. One child has older brothers and constanty mimics everyone in a horrid nasty tone. DD is also doing this now. She is smiling at us when we tell her off for doing things.

This last week she has:

stolen money from a friends house (to be fair she is always collecting pennies here and i don't think she thought before taking the few coins from her friend's play till)

Drew in a book at school :(

Drew with biro on our couch :(

Stood on her sisters hand 4 times, putting all her weight on it :( :(

Lied about things (not really serious things but why is she lying!? :( )

I just dont know what to do with her. I tell her off and she smiles which really winds me up. I have a serious chat with her and i feel she just zones out, she'll change the subject half way through the chat. I take her away from the situation (to her room) but it doesn't make a difference.

Today i have cancelled an outing she was supposed to go on with her Nanna because she has scribbled on the couch. Im really really cross with her and dont feel like doing anything with her today! But she cant just spend a whole day moping around. What should i do? I had lots of nice activities planned for us before she was supposed to go out. If i do those activities with her, surely it will just tell her that the way she is behaving is ok and that mum will get cross for an hour and then it'll be ok?? On the other hand i feel rubbish, should i just let it go??

Don't know what im doing with her at the moment, she is growing up fast... is this a funny age or am i screwing it all up?? :(

Thanks for reading.

I have had some challenging behaviour from ds since he started school. I have told his teacher that she should remove him from any computer time. It is his favourite thing so I am hoping this will work.

He is not the only one so I am hoping it is just another phase.

I wouldn't let her go now tbh. You've said no because of her behaviour and that should stand.
We've found that a sliding scale of punishments works well for DS who is the same age. For example, if we are going on a trip at the weekend, we make a list of all things he hope will happen, eg an ice cream, a ride on one of those mini roundabouts, jam sandwiches in his lunchbox and so on. He then faces losing one thing at a time from his ideal day. Works particularly well in the run up to birthday parties!

It's a really hard time though and I'm the same as you - the mock teenage attitude drives me insane.

Thanks guys!

Oh no she is definately not going out with her nanna, i meant should i just let it go, as in ive told her off and she has lost her outing, now should we just get on and do the activities i planned instead of what im doing-letting her know im really annoyed by not doing anything with her.

Since i posted this she's just gone from bad to worse so were having a rubbish day :(

Scootergrrrl thanks for your idea!
I hope it is just a phase too waveknight :(

I think starting school can ignite lots of behaviour and exhaustion related issues. My son had a very hard first year or two.

Can you have nicer friends round to play and compliment all good manners/good behaviour?

Avoid the rude girl and nicely exlain why she cant visit if asked.

Happily walk off when she smiles - dont react. She just wants an argument.

Can you do something nice with her each day - board game, read joke books to eachother, cafe visits, have a cinema and popcorn night etc. Give her positive attenton and have fun. Tell her how much you love her.

If it makes you feel any better i once read that lying in children is a good indication of intelligence and is just developmental. I know i would find it upsetting though too.

Thanks skybluepearl :)

The problem is, ALL DD's friends are like this! She never mentions any other children in her class other than the group she is friends with.

Must earn not to react when she smiles...

I do lots with her each day, we are always colouring in together/board games/books/crafts/cinema nights with pick and mix/popcorn etc. I think you are right that lying is a good indication of intelligence. DD is reading and writing already, can do simple sums and has an answer for everything She gets lots of positive attention and praise. She just randomly does something that she knows is wrong and then it spirals.

I tell her i love her a million times a day, we write lots of little notes to each other too.

Sigh. I guess we'll just have to ride it out. We are having a nice day today doing more christmas crafts.

Thanks for your replies!

She's very young to be be in full-time education, as they all are these days, and so they still do stuff we associate with younger children but are pretty par for the course. I would see hurting/drawing etc as a sign she's struggling a bit really, not as real disobedience that needs a very strong response. I would get her to clean up drawing and give her a good telling off, and intervene if anyone is getting hurt, but I think she probably needs lots of reassurance and cuddles at what is a difficult time for her when she is exhausted.

My just five year old also has difficulty telling truth for untruths as well, I have had to tell her directly what lying is and why you get into trouble, as she was embroidering tales and told the odd lie to get out of trouble (which I told her off for), she has also brought something home from school and had to take it back in the next day, but again, I don't think it needs to be heavy, more informing her of the boundaries.

Also, I would limit the consequence/punishment of the bad behaviour, so that she has to clean up the scribbles, and loses one toy or one TV programme or whatever, but don't just be cross at her for the whole day. She's not even five years old and is obviously finding things hard going. The message that she is loveable but her behaviour is not is better than just unspecified crossness (in which she might just do something even worse). I also tell my just five year old what will happen if she does it again, so there's a clearly set out consequence for the future as well (so, have all pens removed from room and not be allowed to colour in there).

Thanks onetoomany. I get what you are saying. I know she is very young to be at school all day. Maybe i expect too much of her :( Arghh it is one big guilt trip this parenting lark!

DD has gone to bed happy after a nice day and looking forward to school tomorrow, so im happy too. I have said no pens in the front room now after scribbling on the couch.

Thanks for your helpful advice! :)