Am I being an ogre for saying no do dd?

[MrsBigD]

I assume the answer is no, but right now I'm feeling pretty awful with dd hiding in her room howling like the hound of baskerville!

DD (8) is rather smitten with next door's boy (same age) and for a change both parents next doors agreed for her to come over and play in their backyard... however... it was 18:00 and dd goes to bed at 19:00 so imho it's too late for a play date, so I said no.

Both, us and them, are trying to limit how often the kids visit each other as they'd be stuck together indefinitely LOL, which in itself isn't a bad thing but neither of us wants to wear out the others hospitality iykwim... they chat daily across the fence and have perfect fun that way and frequenly are 'allowed' to meet up in our respective front yards, where the responsibility for each child remains with relevant parent. (god that sounds a bit weird doesn't it LOL)

I even acknowledged to dd that I understand that this is very disappointing and frustrating for her but all I get is howling and beagle eyes...

ogre or not ogre???

Can she not stay up a bit later on a friday night? My 4 year and 7 year old stay up a little later at the weekends and last night didnt get home from my sisters till 8pm - ds (4) is normally in bed for 7.30pm and dd (7) gets to read till 8pm on a school night.

As it's weekend I would have given them half an hour.

However, moving forward why dont you formalise the relationship/playtimes and agree that on Mondays they can play at yours, Wednesdays his etc. Then you parents wont feel overwhelmed with the kids all the time, the children will know theire play days and you'll have some days free to do other things.

Yes, you sound a real killjoy. Watch out for teenage rebellion!

I like satinshoes ideas.

I think you did the right thing - starting to play with another child only an hour before bedtime is asking for trouble. Diverting her attention to the next time she will be able to play with him (a la Satinshoes) seems a good way to avoid difficulty with her -especially as she's probably very tired near Friday bedtime and resiliance levels can be low by then.

I wouldn't worry yet about teenage years - all you've done is set a boundary and stick to it.

SatinShoes, thanks for the great idea, will have a chat with the mum next door when I see her next. We're pretty new neighbours so still building up the parental friendship part ;). One problem is that she works full time and does not want the kids visiting each other when only dad is home, as he stresses when other kids are there.

LOL Bonsoir, that's what she thinks too ;). I'm not a real kill joy but bedtime is 'sacred'

Seona1973 - we tried the staying up a bit longer at weekends which resulted in 2 little monsters the next day as they still wake up the normal time (06:00 if we're lucky) ;)

Even more reason to formalise the times of the play dates then everyone knows where they stand :)

We have to stick to bed times too as otherwise we all just pay for it the next day and it's just not worth it. Even half an hour late effects him.

Like the idea of agreeing a play day though - that way you all know where you stand.

Thanks all, will track down mother and formalise meeting times. Poor kids are being scheduled at such a young age. I remember when I was 8 I just roamed the neighbourhood, river side and woods freely... ah 'the good o'l days'

'Formalise meeting times' sounds like a right chore and unnecessary - you all just need to unclench a bit.

I would have let her go tonight, as you say, it's not often both parents will let her go next door. It's Saturday, one late night wouldn't have killed her. It's no wonder she was really upset.

I see our point ChippingIn, and no it wouldn't kill her, but I might if she's a right moddy moo the next day ;) I have to admit I'm being a tad impatient with her at the moment but she's in the 'I want' phase encompasing expecting EVERYTHING to be the way she wants it, how she wants it and when she wants it, with manners being left at the way side.

I'm not an extremely strickt parent (not much unclenching required), but I am big on manners and good behaviour. I do try my best to make good things happen for/to suit her. e.g. today (it's Sunday) she's got a party to go to, I've just been diagnosed with pleurisy (i.e. feeling total cr*p hence on here as sitting on a computer doesn't involve much energy) and instead of telling her 'mama is sick and can't take you to the party' phoned around to beg favours for people to shuttle her around :) (do I get brownie points for that?]

Being moody every now and then because they've been up late having fun is part of them growing up and part of helping to build your immunity for when they are pre-teens!! Likewise the 'I want the world to revolve around me - demanding stroppy cow phase' Think how resistant you'll be if when she gets to 15!

(Oh the unclenching wasn't actually aimed at you!)

Until now you hadn't mentioned the 'no manners/little pain-in-the-arse' phase :) If it's all a part of that then saying no wasn't such a bad thing. We all pick our battles - that wasn't one I would have picked myself as it seemed like a real treat for her - but I haven't had to put up with her lately

Sorry to hear about the Plurisy - do you know yet what caused it? The good thing is if it's 'just' from a viral infection it should clear up reasonably quickly. Unfortunately if it's not it can take a while :(

Brownie points simply for not sending her to live with Super Nanny till you get better.... nothing stopping you telling her that you might though (and more BP's for arranging transport for the party too!!)

ChippingIn - hope the unclenching wasnt aimed at me :)

As I said, personally I'd have let her out, but I suggested formalising the playdates as it seems to be causing both sets of parents much angst. Happier parents mean they'll be able to deal with the moods better, surely?

MrsBigD - sorry to hear you're unwell. Hears hoping for a full and quick recovery!