Looking forward to going back to work - am I a freak?

[Lamin]

My DS has just turned 4 months and we have finally settled down into a routine - more often than not he sleeps through the night and he is more gorgeous than I ever could have imagined. I am not due to go back to back to work (3 days a week) until he is 6 and half months old but I am not sure I can wait that long! I feel like a freak, I thought I would be dreading going back to work and leaving him but if I am totally honest with myself I am getting really bored looking after him full time and I feel so guilty about it. Its been a long haul - I didn't take to motherhood as naturally as I thought I would and that side swiped me a bit. Anyway I thought once I got my sleep back I would enjoy it all a bit more - and I'm not. I'm sure I don't need to say that I love my DS more than words can say which makes me feel even more guilty for wanting to leave him....

Right off to beat myself up some more now but would be interested to hear if I am the only freak feeling like this?

Not at all a freak Lamin - I felt exactly like that and ended up going back to work when dd was 4 months. I hated being at home with her when she was a baby - it was just so boring. It doesn't mean you haven't taken to motherhood - it just means it's a good job you don't have a career in childcare.
This won't make you feel better, but the guilt doesn't go away. I still feel guilty, even though I love my job and my dd loves her nursery (dd is now 15m). I do though accept that my guilt is completely irrational

I was begging the nursery from about 3 months onwards if they could take ds early. They couldn't, so he doesn't start until 1st Sept (nearly 8 months by then).

Sad but true, I got over the disappointment of not being able to go back early by getting work sent to me at home - and doing it unpaid.

I adore my son, but I love my work too. I know I will be knackered, but I will be so much happier when I'm back.

Lamin - I managed 5 months at home and was dying to get back to work. I remember saying this at a post-natal group meeting and getting looks of horror from everyone! I was much happier when I returned to work and enjoyed my time with dd much more. I find it hard to understand how SAHMs cope - I found it so difficult! Don't beat yourself up!!!

aaahhh how much better do I feel - thank you. Grommit I vaguely muttered something about being a little bit bored yesterday at my group and was made to feel like Rosemary West! I think actually the fact that I only have one like minded mummy friend adds to the feeling of freakishness. Out of six of us in my NCT class I am the only one going back to work. I might talk to my nannysharer about starting ds with them early and if not I may follow your lead fisil and do some work from home. I jump on my dh the minute he gets home to tell me all about his day and read his campaign and marketing from cover to cover every week just to stimulate my brain.

My first ds started nursery at 10 weeks and I worked 4 days per week and only had wednesday off. I hated wednesdays as I didnt know what to do with him. Unfortunately at the time I was living in a big city with no toddler groups, no playgrounds, no parks, no family remotely near, no absolutely nothing, consequently I was on my own with no role models for advice or support. Had I been living where I am now where there are ample of the above things would have been so much better. I am not sure whether you have tried the local toddler groups (+music, swimming, gymbabes etc) but it does seem that strong friendships are formed when you socialise and mix with other parents who have small babies as well and these friendships are vital as they sustain your mental ability to cope or just take the pressure off. My advice would be to absolutely launch yourself into everything going that you can and try and bond with other parents so that when you do go back to work, on the days that you dont work you will still have a network around you for support.

I have just started a part time job and am in happy heaven. I love my kids dearly but I need adult conversation which does not include the brand of nappy that I use or how to get tomato sauce out of t-shirts. Maybe I should change my name to Evilmummy?

I have just started a part time job and am in happy heaven. I love my kids dearly but I need adult conversation which does not include the brand of nappy that I use or how to get tomato sauce out of t-shirts. Maybe I should change my name to Evilmummy?

Lamin - everyone is a different kind of mother. I personally detest the day to day drudge of nappies, puerile story reading and tantrums. But people tell me I'm a good mother. (Perhaps they just don't know me well enough.) Different people enjoy different ages of children. And you can love your children without enjoying all the wearing chores that go with them.

I'm another one who thought she'd go bonkers on first maternity leave. I'm finding this one very slightly less hard going but that's because with dd1 around as well there's a glorious variation in the types of repetitive activity - and even less sleep!

I've got three weeks of NO CHILDCARE coming up - ie lovely dd1, an energetic two-year-old, around as well as the baby. Do you think I'll go mad?

Me too!!!! I moved here from the us just before getting pregnant with my first. And finished up the project I was working on during my pregnancy. Since I was self-employed I had no job to go back to after having ds and spent 11 months at home with him. I was absolutely desperate by the time I got myself a job. I would have happily gone back to work at least part time by 3 months and full time by 6 months. And in fact with my second, I sent her to the childminders full time by 3 months (and left my ds with her full time during my entire maternity leave). I still think I'm the best mom around. I know what I'm good at and staying home with babies is not it. They are better for it, because I am a lovely patient happy mum at night , in the morning and all weekend long.

Me too!!!! I moved here from the us just before getting pregnant with my first. And finished up the project I was working on during my pregnancy. Since I was self-employed I had no job to go back to after having ds and spent 11 months at home with him. I was absolutely desperate by the time I got myself a job. I would have happily gone back to work at least part time by 3 months and full time by 6 months. And in fact with my second, I sent her to the childminders full time by 3 months (and left my ds with her full time during my entire maternity leave). I still think I'm the best mom around. I know what I'm good at and staying home with babies is not it. They are better for it, because I am a lovely patient happy mum at night , in the morning and all weekend long.

Message withdrawn

God this thread has made me feel better. Out of my one and only antenatal group (dd1) I was the only one who really wanted to get back to work and I too felt like Rosemary West (fab ref!). Although I also agree with Trifle that having networks for your time with the kids is important - lots of my friends work 4 days a week like me, and we meet up on Fridays and quite frankly I don't know how I'd cope without that.

I have to say I am rather enjoying seeing more of dd1 during this maternity leave - she's with me on Thurs as well as Fridays. But no, that first time round I remember the first day she was at her childminder's and I came back home to start work and oooooh the feeling of liberation...!

Hard, isn't it, to explain/justify your need to work and have a life outside children while still making it clear you totally adore them?

when I had my first dd, I was desperate to go back to work, now the girls are 6 and 9 I would love to spend the holidays with them. I think its because I'm just not a baby person and the drugery of nappies and feeding and constant supervision really wears you down.

Lamin - a lot of what you say here could be me (except dd doesn't have a great daytime routine and I'm still suffering from sleep deprevation!). DP can't understand how I can find it hard - but it's the lack of things to do and the fact that I'm just DD's Mummy and not a person in my own right.

I'm convinced that whenI go back to wotk that I'll be a better parent in the sense that I'll hav more patience and that nursery will be really good for DD.

Don't beat yourself up

When my daughter was about 5 weeks old I can remember looking out of the window at all the people leaving for work and wishing I was going as well.

My maternity leave finished when dd was 10 weeks old and I went back to work part time and I loved it. It was nice to get out of the house and talk to other adults and it was lovely to come home and see my baby and spend time with her. I felt that I was a better mother having had some time to myself for a few hours and then having time with my dd, if you know what I mean.

I also wasn't very keen on my dd (sounds terrible saying this) when she was really tiny but as she got older and became more of a little person I enjoyed her a lot more. When she was 1 year old I gave up work to stay home with her and went back to work when she was 3. I enjoyed staying home with her when she was a little older as she was more interesting, was learning new things every day etc.

My granny thought I was a terrible mother going back to work, she's of the thinking that if you have children you shouldn't work, but I know that I personally couldn't have handeled that.

Don't feel bad Lamin I'm sure you're a wonderful mother. and I'm sure your ds would rather have a mother who worked for a few hours and pays him lots of attention when she gets home rather than a mother who stays home and feels stressed out by the whole situation.

Have skimmed through this thread, but think I echo everything which has been said before. ds1 was 12 weeks old when I wnet back full time, (leaving house at latest 8am and getyting home at around 6.30pm) he loved nursery, and like others have said I didn't 'miss' him that much until he got older.

I would say enjoy your you time, now a SAHM to ds2 (5mths), ds1 now 3 and a bit, having to deal with things I didn't with ds1. I think it is just different, don't beat yourself about about doing either, just go with what works for YOUR family.

Thanks so much for all your messages it really helps. I remember before I had ds a colleague at work came back from maternity leave early and I thought she must not love her baby! I feel terrible now as I think I know just how she felt. I think that's the difficult thing feeling you have to justify that you really do love your baby its just that nappies, milk and dangling toys for 12 hours every day doesn't exactly set my world on fire.

I do have a pretty good network of mummy friends but none of my close friends that I can be really honest with have babies so don't understand how I feel. Also my NCT friends all seem to have perfect babies that never give them any trouble - I think they must be lying. I refuse to believe that out of 6 babies mine is the only one that occasionally gets me up in the night (like last night - FOUR times ...grrr!).

Hi Lamin

We've got a 21 month old ds and I'm due to have a baby at the end of March and I'm already dreading my maternity leave!! Will probably take 4 months - when people ask am I coming back I think they're mad - of course I am!! I love working (I work 4 days a week) and staying at home all the time will drive me insane... But of course I love ds and I'm getting really excited about having a baby - just not about looking after them all the time! (thank god dp is at home 2 days a week!).